A Change Was Imminent…

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Timestamp this bitches: After EXACTLY 15 months of devouring luncheon meats and throwing back sawdust flavoured protein shakes with psychopathic diligence and surgical precision like a ravenous barbarian, I am officially OFF the 4-Hour Body diet.

Final Stats: net loss 25lbs; max loss 40lbs falling short of intended goal of pre-wedding weight by 10lbs. Bench press: 315lbs for 8 reps; 2-rep max 355lbs.

I will be endeavoring on the new Arnold-endorsed Carbo Back Loading (CBL) starting today.

 

From what I understand this diet is NOT for everyone: It was designed for juice monkeys throwing iron around of 70% or more of your max for typically an hour.  So if you are a newb, still using your sister’s weights, or a fat-faced yoga troll, or one of those long distance runner types looking for that oh so sexy anemic crack ho with AIDS look, back-loading isn’t for you.  And yes, this also includes you laying on your couch eating Doritos Jabba the fucking Hut types too–stick with the $300 a pop B12 shots at Dr. Bernstein’s…

  I’m still learning the intricate details of this new fandangled diet but the gist of it is as follows: it is similar to the 4-Hour body, being it another low carb diet, except after the first 10 days, you splurge on a gluttonous “back-loading” diet of glazed donuts and highly glycemic dogshit, and then repeat “back-loading” on workout days and low-carb on days you don’t train as you did for the first 10 days…   

Be forewarned, during the start of any new diet, it is advised to keep small children inside as my temper is like a lit stick of dynamite and it has been known that my arms tend to involuntarily punch random people in the fucking face and push unsuspecting bystanders into oncoming traffic. 

And if you insist on loitering here, being the perverted voyeur that you are, and were expecting perhaps a friendlier demeanor now, a more humble and calmer experience reading my blogs and Facebook updates, please take this with the utmost sincerity and honesty when I say to you, “fuck right off already.”  

Getting to stocks, I picked up 8-ball sized portions of DDD and FIVE at the bell yesterday. I see FIVE, despite beating the Street on its Q2 EPS after the bell yesterday, has my testicles in the vise this morning… But it is offset with glorious gains in DDD and V…  

Good Morning.

5 Responses to “A Change Was Imminent…”

  1. I wonder when I’ll buy DDD, because I’m going to. I’ve been saying this for months!

    I like beer, especially this time of year, way too much to cut the carbs. But then again, I already have the Christ on the cross build so I digress.

  2. Heard of this carb-load style and loved the idea of the back-loading. Never went through with it though. I try to stay with what has previously been called the cave-man diet in where you eat what cavemen would have available.

    Basically meat, vegetables, and fruits, and I will eat whole grains every once in a while. Plus I like the name as cavemen were bad ass people.

    • Ayes the caveman diet; or paleo diet.. raw meat and bark off trees for ruffage… did that a while ago without really understanding it until 4-hour body explained it best…

  3. I bought DDD this morning, rode it up in the morning hour with the idea of holding it for a longer term. But then SSYS cratered into negative territory just when DDD peaked; knowing DDD & SSYS could fall like a 10 lbs rock in a heart beat, I sold to keep whatever profit I had. I’m now looking to buy back at much lower price if I can.

    Tip for you; keep any eye on SSYS if you are buying DDD and vice versa if you are buying SSYS. Each of them can be a tell-tale sign for the other.

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