My team won Thursday night, so I won’t rub it in the faces of the Redskins faithful.
So, here’s my analysis of Week 1…
Lions at Falcons – Lions by 7….I would rather take a nap than watch this game.
Bengals at Ravens – Bengals by 10+…..Baltimore’s offense is horrid. Horrid.
Seahawks at Bills – This should be a close game. Bills by 3 points.
Jets at Dolphins – Yo, Ricky. Your broker called you and said he bought you some POT, MON. I’ll take the Favre-d Jets on this one by at least 17 points.
Chiefs at Patriots – I despise the NE Patriots. Tom Brady is a wuss. In my day, I played with a sprained ankle for two quarters—and loved it! That said, the Pats will have their new drones flying high with spy-cams over the Chiefs bench. Pats by like, three touchdowns.
Buccaneers at Saints – The Saints have my old favorite TE, Jeremy Shocky, a former Miami Hurricane. They also have a solid defense. Taking a page out of the Katrina playbook, I think they will play “Category 4 and 5” on the Bucs. Disarray for the gay pirates, means they’ll lose by at least three touchdowns.
Rams at Eagles – Close game, but Eagles by a touchdown.
Texans at Steelers – Solid running game for the Texans. Steelers defense is overrated, imho. I’ll pick the boys from the Lone Star state to win by a surprising 14 points.
Jaguars at Titans – Jags by 6.
Cowboys at Browns – I always pick against the Cowboys. They’re my favorite team to hate. But they have a few things going for them. Tony Romo, TO, speed, cheerleaders, defense, solid running game, etc. Btw, sexy cheerleaders is an understatement. Write this down: 80% of the women in Texas under the age of 44 are hotter than Sarah Palin. So, word of advice for you single guys….move to Texas if you’re not domiciled there already. See, it’s not just the way they look, it’s the way these women walk and talk. Plus, you could strike it rich with a babe who’s daddy is richer than T Boone Pickens. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Dallas will score over 40 points and beat the Browns by 18+. Did I say I hated the Cowboys?
Panthers at Chargers – LT and Philip Rivers make a good combo on offense. Chargers by 14.
Cardinals at 49ers – Niners by 13.
Bears at Colts – Peyton is not exactly a picture of 100% health. Colts in a close one by 6.
Vikings at Packers – I’ll have to go with the Vikings and Adrian Peterson on this one. Packers are without their golden boy, although don’t count out Aaron (Bowtie-less) Rodgers (inside joke). Vikings by 3.
Broncos at Raiders – I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a fight in this opening day game. These two teams absolutely hate each other. I like the Broncos by 4 points.
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