A good friend of mine once asked me the following question: “If you were to be hypothetically sodomized, what would your preference be….. Big Balls or a Big Cock?”
After much hand-wringing and deliberation, I plumped for the large member – the rationale being that the slapping noise of a large scrotum may leave scars deeper than a big cock ever could.
With that charming visual in mind, I shall effortlessly segue into my latest bit of bloggery. The American worker has been taking all manner of cocks, dildos and fists up their collective rectum since 2008. This recession has been a gift to employers. They were obviously desperate to clear house with impunity, and they did so in no short order with 7.9 million Americans being laid to waste.
What they were left with was a nation of employees ready to surrender to a good old-fashioned bumming. The serfs immediately took on a new mindset of being the willing victim by not only being grateful for the jobs they had, but also openly recanting tales around the water cooler of how they’ve taken yet another one for the team.
In an age of entitlement, a little humility is quite refreshing. However, employers have seized upon the employees’ newly found willingness to please. Employers can now do more with less, forgo the pay-raise and you can forget about that end-of-year bonus. While you’re at it, you can expect more hours for the same pay. In the short-term, this stuff is great for the balance sheet. The productivity numbers don’t lie. Ultimately, it demotivates people and creates a toxic work environment, which I believe may have a detrimental effect on stock prices.
The modern workplace is awash with supine creatures, unwilling to stand up for themselves. If you have no respect for yourself, then these middle management predators are going to be balls deep for the foreseeable future. At the very least, stop lubing yourself up for a smooth entry. But, that’s not how the willing victims perceive themselves. They are thinking more along the lines of, “I’m his bottom bitch. He treats me real nice. Hell… he even throws me a Christmas party… well, most years. Anyway, I know sometimes he can be a little rough around the edges, but deep down inside I know he loves me.” The stark reality is that you are involved in an abusive relationship. Until further notice, he is going to pimp you out all day long… and then fuck you in the ass.
I have found that many of the LOL WTF OMG generation suffer from delusions of grandeur, specifically in regards to their importance in the workplace. They and countless others need to accept the fact that they oftentimes are just spectacularly ordinary, sprinkled with occasional flashes of “Meh.” Once they accept that, they then may be able to go about carving out a valuable niche for themselves in the workplace.
Smart companies, like $QCOM $JNJ and $GOOG, rank very highly in employee satisfaction. By doing so, they are able to attract the best and the brightest. Friends that are working for these types of employers are very vocal about how great they are to work for. They actually give a shit about the company and its future. This means they are also not sitting on the toilet checking their Facebook status while waiting for 5pm roll around. The stakes are significantly raised when you consider that they may not resist the temptation to elope with a competitor, taking unique skills and intellectual property with them to the new marriage. Couple that with the fact that Non-Compete clauses in contracts are not legal in places like California and NDA’s don’t matter for shit in the cut throat world of tech.
So, the question I would ask is, “How does the treatment of employees affect the long-term stock price of a company?“ Based on employee survey results, I am dividing the companies into rival factions. For starters, I give you the “Choc-a-Block with a Big Black Cock” camp of $CMCSA $WLP $BAC $T & $UAL. And the “It’s Only Just The Tip” crew are $QCOM $COST $TRV $AXP & $FDX. I will check back on these tickers periodically. Please feel free to add your own suggestions to create a larger list.
If you were left scratching your head as to what a bottom bitch was, this video sheds some light on the matter.
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