Our Roll Will NEVER End…

My friends say to each other daily how thankful we are for the lives we have and enjoy everything we have. An important piece of having a great lifestyle is being thankful and appreciating what you have. So many people have tunnel vision are chasing things versus bring grateful. Help your friends celebrate the small successes. As men, we typically look at the only success as something major. Use the small successes to help you gain momentum in any area of your life. This will help you “snow ball” success in your life.

 

Today, I’ll take on a few topics from conversation starters, topic areas, language, over communicating and the dreaded first date for those single folks.

 

CA: I ran into an actual scotch ambassador on Tuesday. I was trying to track down people and interestingly enough, he appeared! Went on vacation, but when back I will try and get an interview so I can pass along information.

 

Conversation starters:

Wanted to share a couple easy ways to get conversations going with anyone, in any situation. The most important thing is your energy, attitude and confidence. Without those, you will not get the responses you will want. I believe rapport with people starts before you ever even show up. You have to have rapport with yourself first. That’s where affirmations/visualizations come into play.

 

1)    Just ask, “How’s everything?” Great way to get things going and then ask questions from there. If someone starts down the road of “death topics,” just bridge back to something fun and interesting. People love talking about those themselves.

2)    Walk around and “cheers” people. Great way to say hi without conversation. It works amazingly well when you do decide to talk to them later. It is the second time you have interacted with them instead of the first.

 

You don’t need any tricks or 50-step method to meeting people. All those things are a waste of time. This will work anywhere in the world with everyone. The only difference is if you want to bring in topics that are local or locale specific.

 

My rule: Talk 10% and listen 90%.

 

Conversation topics:

Avoid serious topics, talk about fluff with people. I know we all want to have deep, serious talks, but people don’t want that. They go out for coffee, gym, sports event, art show, dinner, etc to escape their life. They want to have fun. They want to enjoy life and you have to go with that. I see people all the time boring people with “death topics” or serious subjects. Save those for your best friends.

 

I know all of you are smart and have a lot to offer. You’d love for someone to listen, and I wish it worked. But it doesn’t. You have to keep it fluff. Rapport is easily built with fluff, and like I said before, rapport is built before you ever interact.

 

I was out to dinner a week ago with 10 very successful men and you know what was discussed…fun topics. No one wanted to discuss business or anything serious. Everyone is always trying to get something from people, so be different. At some point people will bring it back to business and then they will want to help you or buy from you. You took a different approach.

 

Social is how you build bonds and they are the strongest ones you can build.

 

Be Careful with Your Language:

Watch the words that you use. Many people I find after some success in their life say, “That’s not like me,” or “That rarely happens to me.” Train yourself to remain positive and think as though it always happens. Instead say, “This is what happens to me all the time.” You need to change your mind frame. Many guys think because the success they have isn’t big enough or they are measuring against something else (like returns from CA, Fly, etc.). Don’t fall into that trap.

 

Stop Over Communicating:

Multiple email accounts, IMs, Face book, texts, phone. People spend more time communicating electronically than ever before. You can’t build relationships over media. Get in-person with people. 100 text messages will be the same as 1. Don’t live your life over email, IM, or texts.

 

Many people feel this urge to over sell to make sure people are interested or that they can share everything over media. Get to the point. We all waste so much time doing this instead of saying, “Dinner tues nite, 7pm?” Then talk away at dinner. Yes I know you can’t do this for everyone b/c of geography, but you will be amazed at how many people you do this with. Don’t carry on a full relationship with social/electronic media.

 

The Death of the Conventional Date
The new “normal” isn’t to go on conventional dates. They are overrated because they place to much pressure people. Society has dictated that man asks out a woman, takes her out individually, needs to impress her, etc. This sets up a paradigm in which you will always pursue her. You will always be the guy doing all the work. What is the fun for her? Where is the chase? Women may say they don’t want that, but actions speak differently. Look at the bad guy/good girl scenario and the reality that nice guys finish last. Let a woman chase you.
 
I am going to give you an outline to consider…
 
1) Invite women you know to join you and your friends in activities. This puts much less pressure on meeting her and also lets you see how she acts/treats her friends and vice versa. You also might find you like one of her friends more and vice versa for the woman. Start like this for a month or so. It also builds some social proof that will only help you.
2) Minimal conversation on the phone. Forget the phone and never ending texting. Have conversations in person because that is the only way you get to know people. 97% of communication is nonverbal. You can text 100 times it won’t accomplish any more than 1 text. So many people try to have relationships on social media versus in-person.
3) Start causal, escalate slowly. What I mean is don’t get serious too quickly. People start to rush into relationships, the pressure grows and it crumbles. Take it slow. If the person you meet, you end up being with for 30 years, what does a few months stand to hurt you?
4) Keep conversations light in the beginning. Don’t talk about politics, religion, your past dating, etc. People want to have fun! They want to laugh! If she/he brings it up, just bridge to another topic.
5) Speak 10%, LISTEN 90%! I know this one will be very hard for men. They think that talking will impress women. One of the top 3 complaints women have is men don’t listen. If you just ask questions, and listen, you will immediately be much farther ahead. I’ve gone out and asked this question sooooo many times. The very attractive women always say to me, men try to impress me rather getting to know me. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/07/16/hearstmagrelationships289601.DTL

6) It is up to you on physical interactions. There is nothing wrong with being physical with someone casually. It really depends on what you want to do. It also comes down to respect.
 
Here is an interesting article to read:
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlecosmomatch.aspx?cp-documentid=20548311&gt1=32023

 

Hope you all had a great trading week,

Jason

 

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