Mark Zuckerberg Is Doomed

“There is an easy way to download everything they know about you, and even delete it.  We’re going to walk through this right now, step-by-step, I have my phone out, I want you to pull your phones out as well.” – Jeff Rosen, national investigation correspondent, “TODAY,” March 28th, 2018

Collectively, there is a strong dislike for Big Social.  Silicon valley types riding around on robotic unicycles, sashaying into heated political debates while sitting at home in their glass mansions, commanding millions of followers to bravely challenge everything—and providing them the tools to do it.

British Parliament is calling for Mark Zuckerberg’s head—demanding he step out from behind the curtain where he resides, deep inside the world wide web.  On the domestic front Rep. Greg Walden wants to see whether Mark is in fact a real human or just a skin suit full of lizards.  The lifelong Oregonian probably still has flashbacks to what happens when a curious leader emerges to liberate and command a people.  I imagine many dinner table conversations centered around the large fleet of Rolls Royces and burgundy-shirted wackos assembling in Wasco county.

The wackos of Wasco county are back, but what is happening in the communes of Facebook is more perverse than salmonella-spiked soup.  Ideas, all kinds, are spreading into the minds of millions, faster than any highly-evolved swine virus manifesting in the cesspools of North Carolina.

It seems the pendulum has swung too far and regulators want to ensure they stay relevant in the war for our attention.  No tech company is safe.  Amazon and Google must have data, yes?  Reams-and-reams of data yes yes?  They have second and third generation fleets of robots in millions of homes.  This is the sort of stuff that keeps dads like Frank Pallone up at night.

But the pitch forks and pens are pointed at Facebook.  Everyone wants out.  Even The Leader Elon (Praise) made a few clicks and deleted his SpaceX Facebook page, as if flicking a mosquito off His shoulder:

I didn’t realize there was one. Will do.

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 23, 2018

Such unashamed carelessness, Praise and Glory to our benevolent Leader.  Meanwhile, Mankind’s Last Hope is active as ever on the ‘gram.  The @elonmusk (Glory) Instagram account is still lit, as the kids say, with millions of likes raining down on His angelic face.

All this to say Facebook as a stock will likely be fine.  Facebook.com may go away, probably not, but it certainly could go full Myspace, but $FB will still be fine.  Owning $FB is like owing a VC firm that only does social.  And the Jerome Powells of the world love private equity funds.

But over the next few months, perhaps years, Facebook users will wonder if they should abandon the platform.  And perhaps they will. And then a long cold night will come.  And then the fidget, to unlock the phone for a fix.

Am I still interesting and unique?

The legs shake, wondering if a tribe exists somewhere that is interesting and unique like me.  And if they do exist, will I regret never finding them?  Seeing if I was embraced by my people and together we could sing from the mountain tops?

AND THEY’LL SNAP.  They will grab their phone and head for the internet, a place where no corner is too a reach.  But how?  Afterall they kicked Facebook.  Facebook was the ritalin of their childhood.  Now what?

Adderall…but in social media form.  And that is, of course, none other than Twitter.

History rhymes.  Products repeat, but the end user remains the same—a capricious addict trudging through life between opportunities to enjoy their next kink.

Lots of jobs are boring but some are worse—some are boring and slow.  Mobile phones and social media apps make getting-off from the confines of your cubicle possible.

The deep psychological addiction evolved into sapiens to find their tribe and concentrate their powers is what has me long-term bullish on social media.  The comedy of a negative news cycle affecting share prices has me convinced a short-term opportunity exists.  Chart guys, think AVERSION.

Most importantly, the distracting offensive against Facebook has me favoring Twitter.

As a user of all social media platforms, a human addicted to the likes, laughs, comments, interactions, matches, and networks, I will assure you Twitter is the best.  A constant stream of uncut social media excellence directly mainlined into the serotonin reuptake inhibitors.

But I am not here to convince you I am right or to try Twitter.  My job is to use what I have to go get more.  Like a modern renaissance man who gathers nuts and fruits and has some fun along the way. All the while observing the interesting tribes.

Greg Walden’s job is to find out if Facebook is a giant Russian proxy to fix American elections like they do their Olympians.

Good times.

Let history show that I was always kind to my robots, and that I was only the loudest bull occasionally, when my convictions were rock hard amongst a sea of melting pudding.  Let the record also show that if Frank Pallone and Greg Walden manage to lure Mark into the house, I demand a thorough examination of his neck for a zipper.  We need to know more about these lizards before it is too late!

RAUL SANTOS, March 28th, 2018

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