Joined Oct 26, 2011
32 Blog Posts


Dear Parents,

So $SOLY to inform you, that your stupid, algebra-challenged moron of a child is probably destined for a job that requires a tattoo. I didn’t mean that. And you’re a small minded fuck for actually believing it. But I’m sure you wonder how your children will get a job if they had tattoos and walked around spray painting public spaces?

Not to worry matey, a gilded future at uber-luxe fashion houses awaits. “The biggest brands in the world are using graffiti artists, who are basically vandals, and that’s amazing,” said Darren Cullen, founder of London-based artist collective Graffiti Kings. Not to worry, not to worry, a tattoo is must in order to get a summer job at the beach shack, gain employment as an off-guard in the NBA, mix cocktails, and is even makings its way into “traditional” realms in the name of “diversity” — do not get jungle started on “diversity” — please.

Of course, much depends on what shade of Pantone your skin is originally speaking, pre tanning salon.

Per Mr Washington, The Paris Review:

If you are white, tattoos lead to the presumption of military service, a culinary background, some nod at self-expression or a “rebellious” phase. If you aren’t white, then you’re immediately, until proven otherwise, trapping or banging or otherwise dubiously affiliated.

Mexicans in Redwood City are gangbangers, employed by Google, dammit. Apparently, GOOGL is on the list of “36 tattoo friendly” companies in the US.

As a sidenote: GOOGL’s revenue contribution from “Other” will be growing at a 23% CAGR from 2019 to 2023 per GS estimates. That is a different topic, however. But lets just say “search is over-monetized” is piffle as a bear-case.

So $SOLY to digress, let us get back to the matter at hand.

Mr Washington continues:

For as long as there have been people breathing up Earth’s air, body art, in its various forms, has found its way onto our skin: the history of African tattooing extends thousands of years. Some of the earliest known tattoo wearers were Egyptian: markings were discovered on the remains of women dated circa 2000 B.C. Samoan societies have worn them for generations, and Polynesian tattoo culture spans two millennia. In Japan, body modification extends as far back as the Jomon period (about 10,500 B.C. to 300 B.C.); while tattooing in China, relegated punitively or to minority populations or with great disdain, has a history extending ages. Native Americans have practiced tattooing, for religious ceremonies and tribal identification, since before the Christian era, but prior to European invasion and desecration these practices went largely undocumented.

Note, that it hasn’t always been about your stupid mid-life crisis. And of course, it had to be about containing sexual predators. Double yawn.

Central India also has a long and barbaric tradition of tattooing. The Dhanuks in Bihar believe tattoos deglamoUrise women — this helps them evade the eyes of influential sex predators. Due to the prevalence of purdah, women from lower castes had to have visible parts of their bodies tattooed to signal their inferior status.

How’s that for regional “diversity” — ! Yawn.

Jungle is sick and tired of having to spoon feed you troglodytes. But, Jungle has a penchant for charity. Leverage it, don’t abuse it. You know who you are, miserly fuckers.

As it turns out 100 million people in the United States population have tattoos, with roughly 20,000 parloUrs across the nation. Of those who have tattoos, 70% have more than one tattoo and 20% have more than five. And 36% of Americans between the age of 18 and 29 have at least one tattoo. Understand, fuckers?

Don’t worry though, your children are protected.

Almost every state have laws addressing some aspect of body art. (Nevada has no laws addressing body art; Maryland has very limited laws). At least 45 states have laws prohibiting minors from getting tattoos. Thirty-eight states have laws that prohibit both body piercing and tattooing on minors without parental permission.

Regulated, local and fragmented, the parloUr business hums along, enticing souls, calcifying identities, or simply utilizing the human-canvas “for fun” — countless rationales, countless rationales. Yawn.

So what is so goddam exciting about tattoos, that jungle would spend this damp morn’ mulling ‘body art’ over a spot of tea? As per usual, the fickle mind of the human, is at the root of Jungle’s titillation.

As you know, from prior rants, jungle does not blab about pre-revenue companies, en generalmente. However, Soliton is worth a looksy.

Obviously, a potential scam, as is every offering affiliated with the Jobs Act which specifically gives exemption from the auditor attestation requirement on the effectiveness of internal controls over financial reporting.

Per s-1:

We are a medical device company developing a novel and proprietary platform technology that uses rapid pulses of designed acoustic shockwaves to dramatically accelerate the removal of unwanted tattoos, reduce the appearance of cellulite and potentially address a number of fibrotic skin disorders. We filed for premarket clearance with the US Food and Drug Administration (“FDA”) for accelerating tattoo removal and received notification that our device was cleared by the FDA on May 24, 2019. This initial filing is limited to our device used in conjunction with the 1064 nm Q-switched laser to enable effective multiple pass laser treatments in a single office session to accelerate removal of black tattoos on the arms, legs and torso in Fitzpatrick Skin Type I-III individuals. [racist!] However, based on preclinical testing, we believe our device has the ability to accelerate tattoo removal for additional colors and skin types and in conjunction with other tattoo removal lasers and wavelengths. We are based in Houston, Texas, and we have a staff of eight that are all actively engaged in bringing this device to the market.

While we believe our technology has many potential applications, we have initially focused on the removal of tattoos, where both animal and human studies have shown promising results. The current standard of care for tattoo removal is to use a Q-switched (pulsed) laser to ablate the tattoo ink particles into pieces small enough for the body’s natural processes to remove them. Unfortunately, this current method is highly inefficient, requiring up to 10 or more office visits to achieve acceptable results. A clinical trial has demonstrated that using our Rapid Acoustic Pulse (“RAP”) device in conjunction with a Q-switched laser has the potential to produce similar results in just 2 to 3 office visits. We believe our method can not only dramatically accelerate tattoo removal, but also has the potential to lower removal cost for patients, while increasing profitability to practitioners, and to reduce the potential for unwanted side effects from current laser removal methods.

A proof-of-concept clinical trial appears to have shown the ability of a higher-powered version of our designed acoustic pulses to reduce the appearance of moderate to severe cellulite. Preliminary data suggests that the stand-alone use of our device may be capable of clinically significant reduction of cellulite with a single, non-invasive treatment with minimal-to-no pain, post-treatment discomfort or downtime. Our preclinical testing further suggests these cellulite reduction results may also be long-term and we have now expanded our testing to confirm this potential. Currently, the long-term reduction of moderate to severe cellulite requires the use of invasive and potentially painful procedures (such as the Cellfina® procedure) that result in significant post-treatment discomfort and downtime. We believe there is a significant unmet need for a non-invasive procedure producing clinically significant, long-term reduction of moderate to severe cellulite.

Will the company have to raise in 2020? Yes.

What the hell is this licensing agreement with MD Anderson all about? Do some work.

Is this a cellulite reduction scam, in tattoo removal drag? We do not know. What we do know is that the whims and fancies of humanoids are real.

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