Brexit fears and oil yadda yadda yadda are weighing on stocks, sending the S&P500 back into the dystopian hellscape that is Correction Territory.

I love the English. As an insomniac on social media I work the same hours as UK Finance Twitter (smart, aggressive, super analytical and presumably violent drunks after hours).

I say this directly to the English people with whom I share this budding love affair: if you guys don’t get your shit together Trump will Brexit your asses right out of NATO next January. I’m serious. He’s nuts and we’re going to elect him anyway. It started as a joke and things just kind of spiraled out of control. None of us have any idea what’s going to happen. Not even him.

We were there for you through that Nazi King and the whole Diana mess. Now we need you to pick up some slack.

Thanks in advance. Give my best to Princess Kate.

Here are some key levels.

Comments »

I don’t know why oil is down 6%.

I could make up lots of reasons. I’m a trained broadcast professional. I have an MBA from Stanford. I am practiced at the art of spouting best guesses with a confident, strong voice.

But those reasons don’t actually matter. Oil shouldn’t move 6% in one day. Oil isn’t Under Armour. It’s not FitBit. Crude should move in pennies. If oil is down 6% in one session it can only be because something in the marketplace is broken. Whatever it is if it can take oil down 6% it sure as hell can trash my shares of FaceBook.

Bear markets are hard. They take money from everyone. It’s too late to short and too early to buy. If you’re long a ton of broken GoPro et al and it’s keeping you up at night just sell it until you can relax. Otherwise, from where I’m sitting the best trade today is nothing.

 

Comments »