iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
22,140 Blog Posts

PFIZER GOT FDA APPROVAL; VAX UP BROS

Now that the FDA rushed approval for the COVID vaccine, several years ahead of schedule and without hard data in regards to the dangers of the vaccine for the small amount of people afflicted by it — you should have no excuse but to VAXX up and in 3 months — BOOST UP.

Reason being (I am dead serious)

You spent your whole life self-aggrandizing — inebriating yourselves with CRAFT BEER, gouging your chubby round faces with buttered pretzels and biscuits, and FINE DINING on greasy porked chops and platters of fried foods and milked shakes and gigantic bars of sugary chocolate and FINE WINES and also bourbons and then some FRENCH PASTRIES and for breakfast large bagels covered in CREAMED CHEESE followed by doubled decker pastrami sandwiches and artisanal tacos, followed by 13 hours of binge watching Netflix and also some leisure time by the beach to TAKE IN SOME SUN while sipping on a PINA COLADA and several servings of funnel cake with pepperoni pizza — because you’re a foodie, and then a little CAFE MOCHA for dessert to go with some NYC styled cheesed cake.

You get the picture you fat piece of shit?

You know what the model of beauty is and you opted, by choice, to do the exactly opposite with your temple or your body for the majority of your adult life and now find yourself in the inexorable position of ROOTING FOR people under the age of 15 to take a vaccine they don’t need because selfishly you want to drink MOAR ROOTED BEER and scarf down some COTTONED CANDY whilst stuffing your mouth with some KETTLED CORN, while at the same time avoid getting the mean variant of the cold that specifically goes out of its way to kill people just like you.

Median age of death for COVID is 78.5, upwards of 70% obese; these are the hallmarks of failure, not on a professional level or academic — but a spiritual one due to lack of discipline and inability to withstand the allure of hedonism and decadence.

So definitely get the vaccine and keep wearing your mask —- for COVID-19 is out and wild, looking for people just like you to cull from the pack and trim down the herd of excess baggage, those perhaps only interested in a little HAM N CHEEZE after dark followed by a large brimming mug of HOT CHOCOLATE topped with whipped cream and MARSHAMALLOWS.

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11 comments

  1. dogears

    Amen.

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  2. roguewave

    Indeud! And as you drip over the edges of your Lazeboy, like the tub of lard that you are, by all means ramble on about the climate change-induced forest fires and the 80,000 poor sob’s trying to get to the airport to escape the graveyard of empires lest they lose their heads on Sept 1 and of course sign up for the jab of the month club, all the while determined to double or triple mask going forward to be extra safe.

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  3. purdy

    If CDC estimates are to be believed, Covid has increased the US’s death rate in 2020 from about .85% to about 1%, an increase of .15%. Others argue that the death rate has not changed at all.

    But even if the CDC’s suspect high end estimate is correct, it seems we’ve gone a bit crazy with state mandates. Sadly, states would be better served looking to warmongering whore DeSantis in FL for a smarter approach re Covid.

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    • bob smith

      Don’t ask me why but DeSantis appears to be trying to kill his own citizens. Seriously. Somehow he really believes that killing people in his state will earn him favor with Trump and that will get him re-elected.

      Even more strange is that a number of knuckle dragging Americans think he’s the greatest since John Wayne Gacy (they look like brothers).

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      • purdy

        I was complementing DeSantis’ handling of Covid to the extent that he is freeing people to make their own choices while focusing on treatment for those that do get sick. And BTW, he ain’t looking to reelection as Gov …DeSantis is running for president.

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  4. metalleg

    I sense a bit of sarcasm Señor.
    The truth is, and I’m sure you know this, the data is irrelevant when it comes to the rules the authoritarians are putting forth. The virus has nothing to do with the measures they are putting in place to “deal with the virus.” This is about something altogether different and if people don’t wake up and realize it, we’re all going to be in for a whole lotta whoop ass.

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  5. dontpanic26

    I’m such a foodie

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  6. juice

    https://twitter.com/CalebJHull/status/1429657531094294531

    Is Monsieur le Fly actually Joe Rogan?

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  7. duuude

    Former FDA chief gets Pfizer Board seat for the win Alex

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  8. Raul3

    lol

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