PFIZER GOT FDA APPROVAL; VAX UP BROS

Now that the FDA rushed approval for the COVID vaccine, several years ahead of schedule and without hard data in regards to the dangers of the vaccine for the small amount of people afflicted by it — you should have no excuse but to VAXX up and in 3 months — BOOST UP.

Reason being (I am dead serious)

You spent your whole life self-aggrandizing — inebriating yourselves with CRAFT BEER, gouging your chubby round faces with buttered pretzels and biscuits, and FINE DINING on greasy porked chops and platters of fried foods and milked shakes and gigantic bars of sugary chocolate and FINE WINES and also bourbons and then some FRENCH PASTRIES and for breakfast large bagels covered in CREAMED CHEESE followed by doubled decker pastrami sandwiches and artisanal tacos, followed by 13 hours of binge watching Netflix and also some leisure time by the beach to TAKE IN SOME SUN while sipping on a PINA COLADA and several servings of funnel cake with pepperoni pizza — because you’re a foodie, and then a little CAFE MOCHA for dessert to go with some NYC styled cheesed cake.

You get the picture you fat piece of shit?

You know what the model of beauty is and you opted, by choice, to do the exactly opposite with your temple or your body for the majority of your adult life and now find yourself in the inexorable position of ROOTING FOR people under the age of 15 to take a vaccine they don’t need because selfishly you want to drink MOAR ROOTED BEER and scarf down some COTTONED CANDY whilst stuffing your mouth with some KETTLED CORN, while at the same time avoid getting the mean variant of the cold that specifically goes out of its way to kill people just like you.

Median age of death for COVID is 78.5, upwards of 70% obese; these are the hallmarks of failure, not on a professional level or academic — but a spiritual one due to lack of discipline and inability to withstand the allure of hedonism and decadence.

So definitely get the vaccine and keep wearing your mask —- for COVID-19 is out and wild, looking for people just like you to cull from the pack and trim down the herd of excess baggage, those perhaps only interested in a little HAM N CHEEZE after dark followed by a large brimming mug of HOT CHOCOLATE topped with whipped cream and MARSHAMALLOWS.