My house is still being swarmed by bees. The fuckers have made a nest in the door outside and are finding their way into the laundry room and wreaking motherfucking havoc. I’ve been in the room slapping the shit out of them with a swatter, daring them to sting me. With the other hand, I’ve been vacuuming them into my handheld, laughing the entire fucking time.
Also, my piece of shit Kenmore washer machine broke, just in time to find out my warranty just expired. Every year a major appliance breaks — because they suck and they’re made in dog-eating motherfucking China.
I have three options with the machine.
1. Attempt to fix it myself, which will undoubtedly end in disaster. I am a useless wrench in the house.
2. Call a repairFAG to the house to rip me off for $300.
3. Buy a new piece of shit washer machine for $1,000.
Finally, something is dead in the woods adjacent to my house — maybe a deer, maybe a human. The grass is tall and the wildlife is wild, so I haven’t the inclination to find out what’s going on. All I know is the outdoors are uninhabitable near my house, as the stench of rotting flesh perfumes the sky with its rancid motherfucking decay.If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter