iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
18,603 Blog Posts

Got Another Hundy Roll — CRISIS HITS HOUSE FLY AGAIN

I had identified GWRE two days ago sub $100 and said it would trade to $106 in short order. It did exactly that today. I am buying UBNT now — because it too will run to $106 in short order. If it doesn’t, I’ll literally cut my own head off — gladly too.

After I executed the UBNT order, I was informed that one of my dogs went missing — the really dumb one. I’m not allowed to call the dog dumb, of course, because it might hurt her feelings. It seems only I know that the dog is, in fact, too god damned dumb to understand what anyone is saying to her, let alone an insult like the word ‘dumb’.

After a good ten minutes looking for her in my fenced in yard, I started to think she dug under the fence and into the brush beyond. As a pup, she had done this before — forcing me to give chase in the tick infested tall grass — dodging over large branches and stepping in deep sticky mud.

Then I heard her bark — but it sounded from within the woodshed. With the door being shut, I knew she was stuck underneath. I hemmed and hawed in a flaccid attempt to cajole her to come out — but she couldn’t muster the cognitive skills to pivot around and crawl out from under. Instead, she barked and barked and barked, and hit her head on the wood beams above. Frantically, I grabbed some tools and began digging a deep hole at the foot of the shed — falling victim to a wide array of insects gnawing at my slippered feet and bare legs.

The dirt was too thick and I tried option B — destroy the plywood from inside. I grabbed a hammer and produced a hole in it, only to be told that the noise I had made might be injurious to the poor dog, who must’ve been stuck beneath because of intellectual prowess, perhaps there to save another animal from this plight.

I stood there, filthy in mud and itching from the spiders, the ticks, and the mosquitoes, and figured I’d grab a drill and I’d produce small holes in the plywood and then pry it open with a fucking clawhammer. As I stepped onto the deck to go inside the house, our wonderful dog had figured out an escape rout and was very safe, albeit very dirty and definitely still dumb.

After a dog bath and gentle blow drying and paper toweling, she then proceeded to belly skate throughout the house in an attempt to fully dry.

FML, seriously.

NOTE: I am long PETQ — because dogs are better and more important than humans.

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3 comments

  1. toddinfl

    After you repair the floor inside the shed, buy a couple of pressure treated 1X6s at your local Home Depot and install them around the outside perimeter of the shed to keep your precious little dog from being able to get access that area.

    You can get a quart of exterior stain for the 1X6 skirt board if your significant other insists that it be done.

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  2. gatorsun

    ya know ya NIOed now be a TURk for the gap fill

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  3. gatorsun

    NIO going for the hundy roll here

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