iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,840 Blog Posts

A Secondary Asshat of the Week Award: GLAUCUS RESEARCH

These stupid shits thought they’d fuck with Howard Schultz, a man born in Brooklyn, because they paid for some dickass lab results that showed “high levels of pesticides” inside of Teavana’s tea. Howard Schultz pisses on your lab report. He shits on it.

Fuck a bag of rocks, Glaucus. This recent spate of stupidity has brought short selling boiler room sites like theirs to new lows. They’re now trying to interfere with mergers and acquisitions via ridiculously stupid means.

Question for Mr. Glaucus:

Do you think Mr. Schultz gives a shit about the organic properties of Teavana’s tea or do you believe he bought them for their footprint, brand and distribution?

Any ape with an IQ above 80 would agree that canceling a deal based on some pesticide report is absurd. Therefore, any reasonable person can only conclude that Glaucus, with the help of certain person(s) on the television, have purposefully issued these reports in order to recover some of their losses, following SBUX’s takeover bid. One can only assume they are working against the best interests of their readers and attempting to profit from media driven fears.

Did you really think SBUX was going to pay attention to what some stupid shit, on some unknown website, with regards to THEIR MERGER?

For that, amongst other things, Sir, you are the recipient of an Asshat of the Week award.

Listen to them prank calling Teavana stores, like Jerky Boys, thinking they’ve made some biological breakthrough.

Congrats!

NOTE: so many asshats, so little time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJqTU2Tj7Wc

If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter

13 comments

  1. Rhino

    You gonna get long? Looks like I missed the move today.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  2. republicat

    It has become easier to scare monger on consumer goods and hope it sticks. There is no cost to scare mongering, the organization can just try again and hope for easy media.

    The genetically altered speedy growing salmon that may never be approved is another good example.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  3. MagicAlloy

    Well…they prob made close to 10x if they played the December puts right. Yes, nobody will listen to them again, but maybe they’ll just retire now…

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  4. jimmy_two_times

    hopefully those fucks were leveraged into the short and broke the bank roll !!!

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  5. Atticus Finch

    Defamation? How bout mixing in an allegedly here and there.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
    • The Fly

      One can only assume what I am saying is correct, given the outcome and reports that were issued.

      • 0
      • 0
      • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
      • The Real Muppet

        “Glaucus” is a typed of slug – specifically a sea slug or also a Greek prophetic sea-god, born mortal and turned immortal upon eating a magical herb who loves semen [sp?]

        slugs, magical herbs, and semen… ha

        • 0
        • 0
        • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  6. TraderCaddy

    The college golf coach below deserves an Asshat award. He was recorded by one of the kids on the way back from one of the tournaments. It’s a DIII school with a religious affiliation of all things. Fly has nothing on this guys language. Have to listen to the build up and then it gets good at around 1:55.

    http://www.freebirdee.com/articles/huntington-college-golf-coach-explodes-a-profanity-rant-on-his-team

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  7. Bottle Rocket

    Would you personally drink TEA products now knowing that they may contain elevated pesticide levels? I sure as hell wouldn’t. Why take the risk? So the damage is already done for SBUX. Short TEA into the deal then short SBUX after.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
    • Woodshedder

      I’m enjoying a TEA product as I type. Very delicious.

      You’re likely worried about pesticide levels while breathing in diesel fumes daily. Just saying.

      • 0
      • 0
      • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  8. bobbin4apples

    For all the banks to pop higher just because C is laying people off sounds ridiculous. I think there is another reason for the pop and the layoff story was a piss poor cover.

    Conspericy Alert: what if the banks know that the cliff deal is about to be made

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  9. buylo

    Well, all that SBUX has to do is announce that forthwith, they will be only serving Oolong Tea!

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"