On Tuesday, the latest installment of the once awesome “Mass Effect” intergalactic action-role playing franchise will be released. Developed by BioWare and published by Electronic Arts ($EA), Mass Effect: Andromeda is already drawing massive ire from fans over horrendous graphics, ugly female characters, and one majorly bigoted designer who hates white people.
STRIKE 1: Emotionless Facial Expressions And Horrendous Animations:
Nothing takes you right out of a virtual experience faster than creepy bush-league animations; as in – the original Mass Effect from 2007 looked better (see comparison below).
i dont think ill ever get tired of trashing the new Mass Effect pic.twitter.com/jwXxdaRCtU
— Nathan Ranney (@RatCasket) March 16, 2017
— Nathan Ranney (@RatCasket) March 16, 2017
no really pic.twitter.com/ADssd5c7lv
— Nathan Ranney (@RatCasket) March 16, 2017
Comparison:
Gamers having serious concerns over Mass Effect: Andromeda's emotionless characters. Looked better 10 ys ago. https://t.co/tiyu8mWGAa pic.twitter.com/oyIbEUJuNw
— ZeroPointNow (@ZeroPointNow) March 19, 2017
Review by xLatalis
STRIKE 2: Ugly Female Characters
Bioware has been invaded by Social Justice Warriors; millennial feminists who believe the white-male dominated “patriarchy” is the reason opinionated purple-haired land whales aren’t landing jobs.
Here’s a picture of the male and female protagonist voice actors from Mass Effect: Andromeda
The only time she smiles is while chopping your dick off…
Note to Bioware / EA: gamers don’t buy role playing games to be in the friendzone. They buy them to engage in fantasy. That 200lb neckbearded troll in the corner of Starbucks may look disgusting, nipples protruding – but in the virtual world he’s a tanned and chiseled hero, decelerating from trans-dimensional warp in his Faster Than Light space steed – on a mission to save a big breasted damsel in distress, who will reward his gallantry with many blowjobs and forgive the awkward unsatisfying sex. Nobody wants Pepperidge-farm stuffing adrogynous bitches in their virtual world.
We want Ivanka, yet BioWare is giving us Chelsea…
STRIKE 3: Bigoted Designer
Perhaps the best way to drive die-hard fans away, aside from horrendous animations and fugly potato-faced women – is to insult your primary demographic on Twitter.
Aaaand, people are canceling their pre-orders (scroll down for general commentary):
There’s a lot of air under that chart EA…
This has been an ongoing problem with Bioware, and has become progressively worse throughout their games. I swear Dragon Age Inquisition had more homosexual romance options than hetero ones.
I have Andromeda pre-ordered. I’m guessing even a bad ME is still pretty good. Mass Effect 2 will probably always be the pinnacle of the series.
What I’m saying is that everyone should play Mass Effect 2.
I wish I had a preorder to cancel, but Biojew has been known as supporting an anti-white agenda for a while before Andromeda dropped, and EA has destroyed everything it has touched.
Mass Effect died with Commander Shepard. This isn’t even worth my time pirating.
Manveer Heir? The legend known as Curry Thunder? WTF? Such a Man Veerdo.
I don’t understand the point of a video game soap opera.