Most of the city slickers out there have no idea about the true meaning of “Bulls Get Banded.”

Let me explain for those who are encumbered by their city-livin’.

See, chickens do not come from a can, and Bulls are not born as Steers. Whoa Nelly. You do not know the difference between a Bull and a Steer? Those who went net long into today’s trading sure do. But we’ll get to that later.

There is only one way to make a Bull a Steer. His balls must be removed. Period.

And to do that, I’m sure most of you would take your wife’s best Cutco and head out to the pasture with the intent of grabbing that Bull by the balls and sawing through his leathery scrote.

Actually, neither of you would survive. The Bull would bleed to death, but only after he split your skull with his hooves.

The only correct way to separate a Bull from his balls is to band him. And to band a Bull correctly, one needs to use the EZ bander below. This tool effectively allows the mortal man to stealthily wrap the equivalent of a brocolli rubber-band-on-steroids around the Bull’s business, keeping him virtually unaware that the bander has essentially strangled the very essence of his bullishness.

Within a short period of time, the Bull’s balls, now almost entirely cutoff from life-giving blood, will die. In the mean time, the Bull goes about doing what Bulls do, never suspecting that his testicles are rotting and are fixing to fall off.

Sound familiar?

Soon, the indexes will again bounce; oscillators will oscillate, indicators will indicate, and the Bulls will have forgotten that they are banded. Enjoy them while they last, Bulls.