Den Naesehorn Becomes Unhinged…


I was already pissed off because I’ve got this stupid cold, and though feeling better from working out, it quickly dissipated as I dealt with the pathetic unwashed masses. They were wandering the aisles of Safeway like mindless zombies, leaning on their carts because they are too lazy to stand up straight,  bumping into me and not saying the proper “excuse me,” or even a “my bad.” Do you not have a list? An idea of what you need? Are you there for fun? I get up stairs to my car, that I parked at the end of the lot, and two idiots in SUVs had me wedged in, they had CAL and USC license plate holders. Not to mention these two idiots, but behind me in the other row, a Prius was pulled way out in front of its spot. It’s as if the driver pulled through from the space behind it, thus his nose was sticking out of the spot, and it was sticking out about 4 feet from the end of the spot. I guess he just got out, looked at his parking job and shrugged hid shoulders.

I have to go straight back, and do tiny little “Austin Powers” style turns. I’m absolutely livid at this point, then a Cayenne pulls up behind me and starts honking and flashing its brights. I guess they were impatient and too stupid to realize I was halving to back out like this– or just spoiled brats. I get my car to a point where it can go straight, then he did it one more time, He held down the horn, and started yelling out his window. This resulted in me throwing my door open and charging the car. These two little boys emerged, they were probably about 20, but they were TINY and were driving a Cayenne. They immediately realized who I was from inside the gym, “uh, uh sorry man, we thought you were old or shit!” “You know what happens when you assume boys?” “Yes.” “Don’t do it again.”

I got in my car and drove home, just cruising so I could let the adrenaline subside. I find a spot not too far, but not too close either, like 2 blocks, maybe. I step out and walk around the front to the passenger side to get my stuff, when I step right in dog shit, on the concrete. If I ever catch someone not pick up after their dog in my ‘hood, I am going to grab it in my hand, tackle them, hold them down, then smear it in their face and mouth. Visualize that. Back to being pissed now, and when I get home I have to clean up after the dogs in the yard– more dog shit in the dark, –then take out the recycling and the trash. It’s 6 pm at this time, and I like to get my chores done right away when I get home, so that I can take a shower and relax. Now, my neighbors who moved into the condo above us a few months ago are great people, they make an ass-load of noise, but we don’t mind The trash situation pisses me off though. I understand this is their first domicile that they “own,” but holy shit, get the trash right. I swear they hear me take stuff out, then come out 30 minutes later and take out the EMPTY compost bin. They also never break down their cardboard and dump bottles in the can with no bag, so it stinks like old rotten beer and wine. Once I forgot to to take it out because we were gone, and they forgot, thus the entire breezeway stank, and they just piled up the trash.

If everyone just gave 2-5% more effort everyday, the world would be a vastly different place.


3 Responses to “Den Naesehorn Becomes Unhinged…”

  1. What if they already are?

  2. I think if you take a deep breath, relax a little… and breathe out slowly, from your diaphragm…

    You’ll realize you really don’t have all that much to bitch about.


    • Jake, I’ve slept in– and assaulted the city of As Samawah –from an irrigation ditch surrounded by dead animals and their shit, while taking mortar and RPG fire constantly. That’s not near as funny though.

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