10 So, I go to Safeway after I workout 99% of the time. It allows eating to not become monotonous because I do not know what I will be eating before I go. It also allows for only buying what we need, thus there is no snacking on bullshit, and no food goes to waste. As I am waiting in line the fat Mexican dude in front of me does not want me to put my stuff on the conveyor belt. He has two oranges, a bag of hot Cheetos, and a Miller High Life 32oz. There’s plenty of room for my 10 items, but he wants to be a dick about it. Instead of putting the divider in between our stuff like a decent human being, he blocks the divider from sliding to where I can get it. Mind you, he is the first person in line but standing at almost the far back of the check stand thus forcing everyone else into the busy isle. At this point I am thinking, “what the fuck is the worthless fuck’s problem?”
Well, before the checker can even finish wringing everything up, this ass clown has swiped his EBT 3 times. His dumb ass apparently doesn’t know that the checker has to hit a button for the transaction to go through. At this point he starts saying in a loud voice “did it go through, did it go through?” Until the checker has to say, “sir it’s processing, please calm down.” This is where it goes south as fuck for me.
Mr EBT says, “DONT FUCKING TELL ME TO CALM DOWN MOTHERFUCKER!” The security guard and a cop are walking up, so I’m thinking “good get this fucker out of here.” Mind you, this individual is wearing a single key around his neck on a shoe lace, the key had a Mexican Flag on it. That’s when he looks at me.
Mr EBT: “What the fuck are you looking at?”
Me: (I know, I know, but I could not resist as I wanted to punch a hole through his head) “A pathetic example of a carbon based life form?”
Mr EBT: “Is that right? (shitty look on his face like he has no idea what I am talking about)”
Me: I look around with my arm up like I need a high-five “Thesis proven!”
Mr EBT: Decides to then get right in my face and smelled like a goats ass so I shoved him away.
That’s when the cop and security guard tell him it’s time to go. I think I am done with this mouth gargler. But guess who is waiting for me in the parking lot. Do I take my chances or go back in and get the cop? I take my chances.
I start walking to my car and he starts coming in from an angle. I then remember that my 12g is still in the car = winning. I open my trunk and start putting my groceries in.
EBT: “Yo little bitch you wanna get stuck?”
He repeats this over and over as I load four three inch “00” shells into the tube.
Me: “I can say with a rather high degree of conviction that I doubt there is anybody within the general vicinity that wants to get stabbed.”
EBT: “so you’re just a little bitch then, huh, little bitch?”
I’m watching this fool in my rear-view pretending to be busy and hoping he will just go away.
Me: “Look man, I don’t want any trouble okay? You’ve obviously had a bad day, and seeing as I am neither part of the Cannis Familiaris, nor small or female, alas, I am in fact not a ‘little bitch. So just go home and have a good evening.”
He’s about 8ft away and starts walking toward me. So I pull the “blammer,” aka “the breach gun,” out and he jumps back as I pull the cocking handle, (it’s semi-auto).
So at this point he just backed away and took off walking as fast as he could. Meanwhile, there were a couple of “Marina Douches” watching the thing unfold. I can’t wait to hear the rumors that will be going around the gym.
10 Responses to “Swipe Yo EBT”
Baron the Barbar, Saint Clause, Herzog upon Wynnsor
Well wrote.
But clinically swab this fucker from cyber space.
That’s advice, not an order soldier.
The Once and Future Rhino
I never pointed it at him, nor threatened him. He threatened me multiple times while trying to back me into a corner. The cops have much more important things to deal with here.
Baron the Barbar, Saint Clause, Herzog upon Wynnsor
You’re your own decision maker….
And my personal judgement is immaterial and irrelevant to what some birch dike in her 2013 Lexus at a Bay Area DAs office MIGHT treat our Vets.
Fwiw
DJMarcus
intense.
thats why i carry a spear gun in my trunk. NO ONE wants to get shot with that.
Rhino
I agree, that is scary as fuck
elizamae
http://youtu.be/kOz5GjCV-14?t=1m30s
chuck bennett
Thats a great story, I enjoyed it. I’m afraid of guns, because I may have to pull the trigger.
I prefere the sucker punch for the KO and the win.
Regards
chuck bennett
chuck bennett
Also, here in NYC I see the EBT card holders too much. I’m talking grown men with nice sneakers. Maybe its because they are getting free shit and I LOVE free stuff.
That said, it pisses me off all the same.
All the best,
chuck bennett
Rhino
Thanks Chuck, the person in front and back of me used them this evening. Where’s the incentive to work hard?
chuck bennett
exactly . They prefer lazy and slow, easier to control.
regards,
Chuck Bennett