How much does it suck to be Volkswagen right now?  They got the short end of the stick after an incident on the autobahn became sweet media opportunity for their younger and sexier competitor Tesla.

Some not awesome but hopefully okay person suffered a stroke inside their VW sedan, foot to the floor, blasting down the autobahn like it was a bumper bowling lane.  Then, some astute, no doubt Christoph Waltz like Tesla drive swiftly passed the car and used his cunning skills to bring both cars to a stop.  Jalopnik has the full scoop.

Tesla CEO and all around good guy Elon Musk (all Praise and Glory to The Leader) was so moved by the bravery demonstrated by the Tesla driving man that he decided to provide, “all repair costs free of charge and expedited.”

In appreciation, Tesla is providing all repair costs free of charge and expedited. https://t.co/D68HNJcCoQ

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 15, 2017

You are witnessing greatness right now—-precise German driving and inspirational leadership.  This is of course very bullish for $TSLA.

No word on whether Volkswagen intends to repair the Passat.

The heroic driver will be back on the road, free of charge, and fast, because he purchased a vehicle from the best company in the world.  Good times.

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Perhaps the left has grounds to boycott Aetna insurance now that CEO Mark Bertolini (a nice Italian name) said Obama’s Affordable Care Act is, “in a death spiral.”  The comments came during a video interview with the Wall Street Journal.  However, investors were delighted by the forthright nature of Bertolini and set shares of $AET higher.

The last three years have been particularly good for Aetna.  The company saw revenue growth go into hockey stick mode a few years into Obamacare’s enactment:

Earnings growth is not too shabby either.  Perhaps it was all the money government spent running ads to target the young and healthy to fork what’s left of their meager incomes to pay into the insurance machine.

Elizabeth Warren seems to think so.  Perhaps the senator thinks taxpayers should have foot the bill to run a super bowl ad showing how cool health insurance is:

When you shut down ads, fewer people sign up. Now Humana is pulling out of the exchanges. They don’t have enough healthy young ppl enrolled.

— Elizabeth Warren (@SenWarren) February 15, 2017

You really get a sense of what a sham this whole industry is when you realize it’s all about maximizing the amount of people paying for intangible piece of mind and never using it.  Most “healthy young people” need catastrophic at most.  The gamblers can wing it insurance free and keep their wits about them—while paying a fee for their insolence, of course.

Does this look like a company that has suffered from Obamacare?

Now they are ensuring they stay on the correct side of history.  Their CEO is therefore a boss, and it looks like he’ll be leading his bastard company to another eight years of gratuitous profits on the backs of healthy young people.

BULLISH

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The reflation trade continues to thrive Tuesday despite hawkish commentary from Fed Chair Yellen during her visit to the Senate banking panel.  Yellen spent much of her time making sure investors knew the March 15th meeting is live.  Despite her hawkish tone, traders at the CME are only pricing in a 17% chance of a rate hike when the Fed next convenes:

Her testimony hit the bond market and sent stocks higher after US markets got off to a weak start Tuesday morning.  Inside Exodus, courtesy of the Risk Appetite index, we can see the wide-reaching effect of her statements—investors are shifting away from debt:

Meanwhile banks are celebrating the prospects of higher rates as well as the discussions surrounding Dodd Frank.  While Yellen deflected several Senatorial attempts to digress into a political discussion, she demonstrated an open mind revising the legislation.

Turning your attention to the complications of the market, it’s inner workings, there was a capitulation sell algo strike on the NASDAQ at 11:06am that coincided nicely with the turn:

Overall, the tape is bullish, and continues to be bullish despite Yellen striking a hawkish tone today at the Senate.  What does that tell you?  It tells me investors expect the new administrations tax and trade reforms to have a more significant impact on the business climate than the rate hikes by the Fed.

BULLISH

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Some nice lady living in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia sent out a tweet about this time last year which included a picture of a sign taped to the entry door of a Starbucks in the city.  The sign reads, “PLEASE NO ENTRY FOR LADIES ONLY SEND YOUR DRIVER TO ORDER.”

For real, check it out:

#Starbucks store in Riyadh refused 2 serve me just because I'm a WOMAN & asked me 2 send a man instead@Starbucks pic.twitter.com/6Nj6DkOtFJ

— Manar N (@manarn8) February 1, 2016

Saudi Arabia has all sorts of jacked up laws to keep women, which are property like dog or goat, from living a normal life.  Like voting and opening a bank account.  You know, stuff that needs to be properly vetted to a woman via a mansplanation.

Anyhow her image went viral, and the good people of Starbucks were forced to deny any wrong doing.

@Jenn_Abrams That was a temporary sign during a store renovation. This store now accommodates all customers in accordance with local law.

— Starbucks Coffee (@Starbucks) February 6, 2017

While there’s no sign of renovation taking place in the picture, one still has to wonder, “Why would some contractors at work merit keeping woman out?  Would they trip on an air line and take a nail to their ovaries, making them less valuable property?”

Of course, we must point out the irony that Starbucks recently vowed to hire 10,000 refugees instead of veterans, poor students, or you know…normal non-displaced people who can’t find work.

Regardless, when Starbucks started saying their growth plan was focused on China, where the water is metallic and counterfeit is rampant, it became less than an ideal investment.

Now they’re caught in the center of a political hot topic in a whole bunch of ways.  A viral picture of a sign on their door banning woman from entry does not help their situation.

BEARISH

 

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A bit of context.  There is a Canadian guy who inherited $2.5 million dollars from an uncle and took to trading it on the internet in an unabashed, ultra-violent manner, mostly via low-probability options bets, literally wearing a fucking wolf mask whilst doing it.

As you can imagine, his account slowly dwindled away.  Then, he made his last stand—a final trade of sorts—do or die via some Apple puts into the Tuesday earnings announcement.

His twitter handle is @FSComeau and the hashtag of reference is #thefinalyolo.

There is a long reddit with his backstory, but the link does not seem to be working.  Here are some screenshots of the details I’ve deemed pertinent:

I’m not going to pile onto this guy.  He probably feels pretty shitty right now.  Shares of Apple are ripping tits after hours and even if the move reverses, he bought puts and as anyone whose ever gambled on earnings with options knows, the premium tanks after earnings even if you call the direction properly.  Like you need some seriously massive move to happen for those stupid options to make money.

So we shall assume #thefinalyolo was a bust, RIP @FSComeau.

But I want to to burn one of his sentences into your brain:

“I’d rather take my chance to get my money back.”

If you ever hear your internal dialog blurb out that nonsense, chain yourself in the cellar for the next 3-6 months until your sanity returns.  Preferably in a straight jacket so you can’t hurt yourself.

It’s not your money to get back, you lost it. You’re playing with a toxic mentality.  Any gambler, speculator, will tell you this.  Calling the market “rigged” is bonus insanity points.

Shares of $AAPL traded as high as $125.27 after hours after the company reports Q1 EPS $3.36 vs $3.22 Est., Sales $78.4B vs $77.38B Est.

 

 

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Heaven forbid we scrutinize arrivals from barbaric countries like Syria for one quarter.  The horror of spending a few hours in the airport answering questions.  The tragedy of modifying your life itinerary temporarily.  It’s all too much to bear for Ford Motor Company.  The company’s CEO Mark Fields and chairman of family nobility Bill Ford had to issue a statement opposing the President’s executive order.

They had to.  They could not just run their business and focus on building cars and selling them to car dealerships.  Nope, they had to venture into politics.

Their insolence towards our authoritarian leadership puts them at the front of the line for swift punishment.

Perhaps Fords is bitter for being totally screwed by the federal government during the Great Recession—and event they came into so well prepared they could have been the only surviving American auto maker.  Maybe that’s why they’re picking Trumps pretty chill, temporary block of immigrants from terrorist infested nations like Libya, as their chance to stand against the asshats occupying Washington.

Whatever their motives, it was a mistake.

Ford shares [ticker: $F] have been downgraded from their neutral position, the one earned after an entirely uninspiring 4th quarter performance, to BEARISH.

Just like the Detroit Lions, Fords will lose in a most pathetic manner—when it matters most—with a sub par, distracted, effort.

Sad, really…they really could have been something.

Ford motor company is more interested in playing politics than operating their auto manufacturing business.  By condemning the very temporary immigration ban they will find themselves once again on the wrong side of history, just like when Henry Ford supported the Nazis and Hitler in World War II.

At least they’re consistently wrong.

Bearish.

 

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Ford Motors reported earnings Thursday morning and they were so uninspiring that the stock opened up lower—shares in Fords (sic) are down more than -3% in early Thursday trade [ticker $F].

They beat analyst expectation on the top line:

Ford Reports Q4 Rev. $38.7B vs. Est. $35.2B

Digging through the obfuscated accounting, and using a bit of elbow grease, the company reported bottom-line earnings in line with analyst expectations:

Fourth-quarter net loss attributable to Ford was $783 million or $0.20 per share, compared to net income of $1.87 billion or $0.47 per share in the prior-year period.

The latest quarter’s results were impacted by special items totaling $0.50 per share, including year-end pension  and OPEB remeasurement loss.

Ford had said earlier in January that it expects to record a pre-tax remeasurement loss of about $3.0 billion in the  year ended December 31, 2016 related to pension plans and other post-retirement employee benefits or OPEB plans.

Excluding items, adjusted earnings for the quarter were $0.30 per share, compared to $0.58 per share in the same  period last year.

On average, 18 analysts polled by Thomson Reuters expected the company to report earnings of $0.31 per share for the quarter. Analysts’ estimates typically exclude special items.

Being invested in the once great FoMoCo has been a dead-money endeavor for the last three years, aside from a tiny dividend:

Despite being well-shoed heading into the Great Recession, and potentially being in a position to benefit from the insolvency of their two biggest competitors (Government Motors and Chrysler), they were boned by the ‘too-big-to-fail’ mentality.

So despite doing everything right, equity holders have been bag holders through this whole kerfuffle.  It does not seem to be a trend that’s changing anytime soon.

OVERALL–Neutral, better investments exist in the auto industry

 

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Touted as a legitimate competitor to Tesla Motors by some, recognized as a glorified golf cart assembler by many, the Kandi Car Company [that name, SMH, ticker $KNDI] is allegedly being ordered to halt production and suspend sales of eight, I said eight, of their branded cars.  This rumor is being spread by the newsletter pumpers at GeoInvesting [link not found] that somehow made its way onto the news wires.

The Chinese government is bearing down on Kandi cars ahead of the New Year, in hopes of cleansing their republic of this bedraggled excuse of a car company.

Shares of KNDI are down more than -40% over the last year.  Let this be a lesson to all of you—you don’t dabble in electric wheels and come out alive.  Elon (all Praise and Glory to The Leader) will work incessantly, and he will destroy you.

Aside–a great man (Henry Ford) once said, “You can have the Model T in any color you want, as long as it’s black.”  The moral is clear—keep your product line simple and mass produce it.  How has Kandi amassed 8 different models?  They’re like the Alibaba of cars.

As for this rumor, and the short-sellers behind it, take it with a grain of salt.

Overall–BEARISH

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Twitter is many things to many people.  For my niece and her friends it’s a giant group chat.  I count on my stream to interact with some of the most intelligent traders in the world.

They say Trump’s rise to the presidency is fueled on tweets.

So it’s powerful and valuable.  But it’s been a terrible stock to own.  I have tons of it.  From higher.

And just when I thought they couldn’t do anything else dumb, I have to stop and wonder why the hell they opened an Instagram account and began running promoted content Thursday.

So far they’ve posted three punctuation marks and hashtag Statue of Liberty.

If Twitter is promoting their content in the traditional way, then they’re shelling out money to Facebook, owner of Instagram, and in return gaining one of the internet’s most highly coveted achievements—an audience.  Usually these ‘followers’ are phantom accounts who produce little if any interaction.

Twitter has to know this.  Why would they pay for it?  Perhaps they didn’t….

Could Facebook be dropping subtle hints that they’re preparing to blob Twitter into their social media hedgemony?

 

Developing…

 

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Spirit Airlines blasted out an email promotion which claims their competitors are nothing but fake news:

Brilliant.

Most of my flights are via Contortionist Airlines aka Spirit because my body is limber, and their no frills approach appeases my inner stoic.  The entire process of traveling is a mental test.  Humans are, vile creatures by nature.  The smell, and the shedding.

Turbulence often rattles loose air trapped in the gastrointestinal system.  The spittle from a sneeze.  Drunks.

These are my people, the derelicts who jam into small aluminum cylinders by the 100s to travel above the clouds on ghetto Spirit flights which are most often filled to capacity.

And the fuckers get you to spend as much as you would for a conventional flight from United or someone better.  They fleece you once you’re in their web.  Their bag weight limit, for instance, is 40 pounds instead of the standard 50.  Go over and you’re forking out another 30 bucks or some bullshit.  Just one example.

Overall, when a company stays up to date with their marketing, and pulls stunts like this, it tells me they get it.

Spirit air officially claims the “other guys” are fake news.

BULLISH

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