The New York Post is reporting that Tesla intends to open two permanent stores at popular east-coast tourist destinations this spring:

Just in time for summer, Tesla Motors, led by CEO Elon Musk, is tweaking its retail business plan and opening two stores at East Coast resorts — one in the Hamptons and another in Cape Cod, The Post has learned.

Noting the chilled-out vibe of both destinations, Tesla is promising a “low-pressure sales environment” that’s friendly to electric-car-curious families and flip-flops alike, spokeswoman Sonja Koch said.

“These will be permanent locations,” she noted, adding that Tesla is betting summer mobs will make up for the slow winters.

Located at 50 Newton Lane in East Hampton and 11 Central Square in Cape Cod’s Mashpee Commons, the new shops are among the first in Tesla’s chain that will cater primarily to tourists.

Note: Tesla stores are not like your traditional dealership, with greasy salesmen strung out on commission-based pay.  They are points of interest–something you peruse whilst eating an iced cream cone.

LendingClub is where internet folk meet and negotiate peer-to-peer loans.  Last quarter, by offering such a marketplace, they managed to bring in over $150M in revenues.  Per Exodus, their revenue trajectory is what we in the business of growth look for, perfect:

You may wonder, “How does a website simply connect those with money with others who want loans, and take in such egregious revenues?”  And you’re not alone.  New York’s Financial Regulators are wondering the same thing, and they have sent a subpoena to the company.  The news has stifled the shares, which were otherwise having a robust dead-cat bounce today after being pummeled back on May 9th post earnings.

Are they simply attempting to help people finance the American dream? Or is this another tale of corporate greed?

Early this morning shares of Church & Dwight Co. [NYSE: CHD] spiked up to nearly $125/share after reports that Procter & Gamble is finalizing an offer to acquire the company.  The report came from negocios.com, a Spanish news site.

The price has since drooped back down to about $99/share.  The CHD stock is still performing extremely well year-to-date, up over 13% so far, amid a sea of mediocre performers in the consumer goods space.

See Also: The Safest Stocks Aren’t Safe Anymore

Church & Dwight sell Trojan condoms, the most popular condom in the United States.  They also sell laundry detergent and more, according to the business profile inside Exodus:

The problem with this rumor, and why it didn’t stick, is the origin.  To spike a $12 billion dollar 20% higher on a report from foreign lands is silly.  Clearer minds have prevailed and the condom and laundry detergent stock is back to unchanged.

Morning wood has once again been neglected.

Fitbit shares are crashing after hours after slashing forward guidance.  First quarter numbers beat on top and bottom line; EPS came in at $0.05 vs $0.03 estimate and revenues were $505.4M vs $443M estimate.

Shares are being demolished because the realization that everyone who was going to buy a Fitbit already has.  They only expect Q2 revenues of a paltry $565 million.

The market for wearables is mature and the moat separating competitors from grabbing market share is less secure than the Mexican border.

FIT shares were already off to a wretched performance to start the year, down more than -40% year-to-date:

It appears shareholders are in for another slippery quarter.

Tesla loss per share came in one penny less than expected, EPS $(0.57) vs $(0.58) estimate.

Shares are ripping after hours after the company affirmed their fiscal year 2016 delivery guidance of 80-90k vehicles.

Q1 deliveries we 14,81k.

The company is growing because rich people are sick of the bullshit they’re forced to put up with when it comes to oil and gas.  Once they price a car into the millennial’s budget, growth trajectory will take on the proverbial hockey stick shape.  Millennials hate cars, choosing instead to spend money on smart phones and Uber.  But they will buy Tesla cars.

Watch.

Delta is making waves again today as rumors circulate the company may increase their commitment to in-sky internet provider GOGO.  The whispers spiked $GOGO to a fresh high for the month of May before getting knocked back.

The flimsy, sky mall version of internet is set to report earnings May 6th, but we could see a nice run on this rumor before then.

The stock is down at all time lows heading into earnings.

Maybe the gamblers at Delta can save Gogo and their lame business of providing expensive internet that Southwest gives you for free.

See Also: New Delta CEO is Going Hedgeless on Oil

Shares of Tesla are down nearly 4% on the session after Bloomberg reported Greg Reichow, one of their highest paid executives, is leaving the company.  The company is set to report after hours.

When disruption is vital only meritocracy will be tolerated.  Perhaps Greg cracked under the pressure of Elon Musk.  This Greg fellow is to be ignored going forward.  Consider his departure just another speed bump on the road toward autonomous-electric cars and saying, “fuck your coal plants, I’m going off the grid.”

Manufacturing design is not rocket science, just a ton of work.

The Zika virus is officially killing people on American soil.  Friday afternoon the CDC reported 1 death from the Zika virus and 683 cases of infection in Puerto Rico.

The morbid news briefly spiked Intrexon shares higher.  The company has proposed using their genetically engineered mosquitoes to combat the festering tropical crisis.

See Also: Genetically Modified Mosquitoes Are Safe, But Test Them on Floridians Just in Case

Intrexon shares have been under pressure since April 21st when reports showed Key West residents are resisting plans to release thousands of GMO mosquitoes onto the southern island.  Perhaps now, seeing these bloodthirsty creatures taking lives, Floridians will allow the company to go ahead with their biological warfare.

Bottom line: the mosquito is a disease spreading pestilence.  Draconian methods have been used for 100s of years to combat the spineless bastards.  Now something more sophisticated exists and everyone plays the ignorant paranoia card against it.  They need to be corrected, completely and entirely-the residents and the mosquitoes.

Any disruption to the ecosystem will be adderssed when the necessity arises.  For now, eliminate the Zika carrying monsters.

This is what we’re reduced to–central bank actions and the algorithimic responses they generate.

After USA central banks managed to put a bid in the tumbling marketplace, Japanese CBs manage to do the opposite.

Futures are lower after BOJ DELAYS TIMING FOR REACHING 2% INFLATION RATE.

Let that soak in…yep still doesn’t matter.  Unless you’re a robot, then you’re like:

Apple misses on revenues after iPhone sales stall out.  The company jacked up their dividends by 10% WTF!?  They are admitting, quite publicly, that the shareholders are better stewards of the moneys then they are.

Q3 revenue guidance is weak, bleak, and completely glum.

They are out of ideas.  Their hardware is obsolete, cue the sad horn.  Homeboy from China was right.

SEE ALSO: The $AAPL Growth Story Is Officially Dead; Company Expected To Post First Growth Loss Since 2003

The earnings report is ravaging the NASDAQ, which off by another 30 handles.  The index was still licking its wounds from last week when Google parent Alphabet and Microsoft dropped their crappy earnings on unsuspecting visitors to the Walled Street.

Thus we begin the descent lower, overall.  The FOMC, led by renegade banker Janet Yellen can either right the ship tomorrow afternoon or continue with its current trajectory, which is nose down–probing lower.

Apple is down about 6% after hours.

GODSPEED