iBankCoin
I turn dials and fiddle with knobs to hone in on harmonic rotations
Joined Oct 26, 2011
3,310 Blog Posts

BREAKING: Elon Musk Does Not Wear Underpants

Praise and Glory to our Visionary and Leader, the venerable and diplomatic Elon Musk (Praise)!  The corporate Twitter account for Tesla, a company so prolific, so disruptive that it strikes fear into the core of Detroit’s ugly and iconic General Motors headquarters, the very corporate twitter account that regularly informs Us (the chosen people) about our future as citizens on Spaceship Earth—the Tesla twitter account opened up to take questions ahead of their Tuesday shareholder meeting.

BEHOLD:

Now, say three Hail Elons for peering with lust at the sexy corporate logo.  It is okay that it looks like a vagina.  You are forgiven.

NEXT, look what this surgeon from the very gender-neutral city of New York asked Our Last Corporate Hope.  He asked an intangible corporate entity if they wear boxers or briefs!  Corporations are considered individuals by tax code, but they don’t wear cloths Roland, silly goof!

Look at this tweet, would you just look at it?

Then, something magical happened.  As east coast believers in The Mission of our Leader said their evening prayers to Space X and The Boring drill, His Holiness emerged on Twitter, a civic forum operated out of goodwill, and said the most amazing thing ever. EVER!  He does not wear underwear.

Elon (Praise and Glory) then clarified his position, confirming to the world that he does not give a singular fuck about the norms of society, especially those that pertain to dress code.

There are two types of people in this world.  Those who follow the rules, bend the knee to  authoritarian rule, then there are the ones crazy enough to think they can change the world.  Are you going to be this asshole?

And call you wife ‘Mom’?  Or are you going to build time machines and cavort around the world with the finest actresses and supermodels?

You have to learn the art of not giving a fuck if you want to stand a chance as an independent business hustler.  They want you broken, saddled with debt, consuming out of necessity, and plugged into their corporate matrix.

Are you crazy enough to not wear underpants?  Our Leader is, and shares of $TSLA are at record highs.  Think about it.

Writer’s note:  I am long Tesla shares and will not sell.  Instead more will be purchased, quarterly, in perpetuity, and the shares will be bestowed upon my litter of children.  Also I love underwears, especially from Fruit of the Loom. 

The roaring ’20s are about to be liiiiiiiit.

 

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6 comments

  1. metalleg

    Free your junk! Free your mind!

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  2. Bobby T

    Superb!

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  3. juice

    that Elon gone commando tweet was worth $10 today

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  4. sarcrilege

    That’s gross. What color is his suit? Light color? He sure doesn’t look like a femguy who knows how to wipe his ass clean after he takes his after lunch dump in taxpayer subsidized corporate HQ and keep his pants from riding up his dirty, smelly ass.

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