This is a another touching story I told my 5 year old son. (Last story here)
“Once upon a time, there were 3 little robbers. They robbed a bank to feed their family but they all died.
Don’t like the story? Tough, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows and not everyone lives happily ever after, now get some sleep…
And if you’re good, tomorrow I will let you hear the story “goodnight moon, hello mushroom cloud, goodnight mushroom cloud, hello moon, hello Japanese counter strike, goodbye Nagasaki, goodbye 100,000 people, hello peace goodbye world war 2″ It’s a historical fiction.

There is always an exception to every rule…

Every rule? Without exception every rule has an exception and that is the rule?

What is the exception to the rule that states “there is always an exception to every rule”? And does it not having an exception prove the rule, or does it not having an exception mean that it cannot be a rule because it has no exception? But if it had no exception it could not be a rule, therefore it must have an exception of which it has none other than it not having an exception.

Try explaining that to the guy who said it… sounds to me like he’s making excuses… I mean, some people!

There are plenty of other fish in the sea. So enjoy you’re fish, I’ll be taking your ex-girlfriend out now.

Birds of a feather flock together. Although beware of the falcon flocking with the Robbins… (you know it kind of makes you wonder about the guy’s orientation if you know what I mean… beep beep! gaydar!)

There’s nothing to fear but fear itself. well that and eternal damnation.

My friend Larry asked me to help him brainstorm how he could get back at his friends… because you know.. 2 heads are better than one…
At least that’s what Larry said as he smacked Moe’s head together with mine… we disagreed! (Get it because like I’m Curly because my hair is…) [grabs shaved head]… oh sh** when did that happen?

They say
A watched pot never boils.

A watched pot never boils? Yeah right, how would you know that if you don’t watch it?

Whoever said that didn’t watch the pot very long or doesn’t know how to turn on a stove… so I wouldn’t listen to the advice of that guy!

Find a penny, pick it up all the day you’ll have good luck!

While you were busy picking up that penny I stole your wallet…. lucky you!

Don’t count your chickens until they hatch. Instead sell your eggs just before they hatch and right when someone’s about to get ready to make scrambled eggs… surprise! they get a chicken!

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Jump in the fireplace instead… That’ll solve things… Or why not hide in the oven? Either that,or just learn to deal with the heat and quit complaining about it already.