Like all of you, I’ve had enough of the two-party political system in America. Both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions have been outright ridiculous. Both parties continue to shit on each other while homegamers are left to figure out who the least shitty candidate is. Sure they make for great Twitter but they don’t make for a greater future.
That’s why I’ve decided to throw my hat into the ring and break up the two-party system and form the Rampublican party and run for President. Now, this isn’t your independent tea party bullshit or a fascist or demagogue state as all the hipsters like to call Trump. This is a party that caters to the homegamers, a centralist idea (think central banks) that spans a range that starts in the lower left and ends in the upper right.
If you are unsure of who to vote for come November, just remember who had your back during the worst start to the year ever for the market, during Brexit, during the 2015 December rate hike, at ATHs, and when $TWTR reported shitty numbers (#RIPTwitter). I did.
My platform is for every homegamer to retire early, to run helicopter money drops twice a year at a minimum, and no rate hikes ever again. The Rampublican party will lift people out of poverty on a strict time schedule starting every day at 3:30pm. I will also look to abolish short selling and imprison any offenders. I will make sure the $VIX stays in single digits for my entire tenure.
I want to see my name written on the ticket. I’ll send reminders when the time approaches but I fully expect to see some pictures of ballots with my name on it. America, free market capitalism, and $SPY depend on it.