Was it a surprise that Thanksgiving and Black Friday sales were down YoY? It shouldn’t have been if you were looking at the subtle signs. Gas is basically free right now yet retail earnings on the whole have been dog shit (minus athletic wear) as consumers have decided to save some of their sideline money instead of spending it. Also, why the hell are Black Friday deals now starting a week or two in advance? It seems they must be getting more desperate for higher sales.
I receive spam coupons via email on a weekly basis for 40% off Dick’s Sporting Goods, Banana Republic, et. al. All of them say “Flash sale!” or “One day only!” but I continue to get them week after week after they don’t succeed at lowering their inventory or enticing the consumer. So when it comes time for Black Friday deals I see nothing that hasn’t already been offered at a discounted rate. And the things that are being discounted suck anyways. It’s just a trick for the retailer to free up some of their stocked inventory of shitty items that no one else wanted previously.
Even though they are predicting $1 in $7 are going to be spent online this holiday shopping season, the retail store consumer is dead. I probably spend $6 in $7 online. The only thing I actually go to the store to buy is red meat from a local butcher to feed my carnivorous family. And even now you can still find ways to avoid doing this. Going to any retail store in broad daylight and being exposed to the masses is a painful experience for me. I look at everyone in disgust as they go about their pathetic lives. I wait in line behind people thinking if they would just hurry the hell up I could get out of here before contracting some incurable bacterial infection.
Consumers piss me off. Buy your shit online like an adult. You get to read reviews, not stand in line, not have to pack it in your beat up paddy wagon, and most times buy the item cheaper online. When I am forced to go to the store, instead of buying an item, I scan the bar code with my phone then proceed to buy it online as I walk past the picket lines outside requesting $15/hr salaries.
One time I was at a store and asked the clerk to try on a pair of snowboarding boots. My strategy was already planned out. I was going to go to the dressing room, try on the boots, and if they fit well I would scan the bar code and buy online. Clearly I didn’t have my poker face on that day as the clerk just looked at me and said “No, you are just going to go buy them online”. He wouldn’t let me try them on. I was stunned. Looking back at it now, how bad are the comparable prices at retail stores when a clerk won’t let you try on an item before buying it because they are afraid you will buy it online if you like it? Granted, the store was notorious for overpricing a lot of their items so I wasn’t going to buy anything in the first place. But still, what an asshat.
I guess the moral of the story is to stop buying things in the store and start buying them online. You will save money every time.
Speaking of buying things online, good luck on your Cyber Monday online shopping today. I’m looking for a badass new 4k teevee.
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