There is going to be a holiday travel boom, projected to be the busiest travel season since 2007. A couple of days ago the State Department issued a worldwide travel alert, which has only happened 4 times in the past 4 years.
The zombie hordes (AKA lower-middle class) will be out on the town, high on bathing salts. They will be coming out from the shadows to rip out your jugular and steal your TV that you purchased for 80% off on your EBT card.
I’m actually looking for a new washer and dryer for my $10M starter home. I’m sure a lot of you are thinking “Ramp is loaded, why would he do his own laundry? Why not just get everything dry-cleaned?”. Well, children, I guess I’m just old-fashioned. I should just make my maids wash everything by hand with an antique washboard.
Regardless, I don’t actually plan on going out to the front lines of the battlefield to purchase said washer and dryer, that would be too risky. I’ll either hire some degenerate off of Craigslist or just comb the internet until I find a deal online. With it being a shortened day of trading, the American people need me at the helm, not out roaming the streets like a crazed lunatic.
Full disclosure: the standard 3:30pm ramp will be pushed up to 12:30pm ET because of the shortened trading day.
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