The Southern Confederacy is bracing for what promises to be a catastrophic blizzard – one that will go down in southern lore next to Gettysburg and the Great Biscuit Shortage of ’92.
Look you stupid patsies, quit bitching to me about the cold. While you’re preparing rations over a bit of ice, Cain Hammond Thaler has been digging himself out of snow rifts piled five feet high for almost three months.
His knees are cold and my blood is hot.
You want to know the real reason the South lost the war? It’s because their blood is too thin. It slows you down. Small paper cuts result in emergency room visits. You run a saber through a Northerner, you know what happens? They just clot. Right there on the spot.
And it makes you lazy. Do you know I once ventured into an IHOP in Alabama and waited 21 minutes to be served? Actually that has nothing to do with the temperature. I just wanted to point out Southerners are obnoxiously slow.
At any rate, if you could stop broadcasting in real time the number of jackass rednecks who go off the road (from lack of skill in driving, have no doubt) over a small dusting or a little ice, those of us who drove through four inches of snow with iced over vehicles to get to work last week would probably appreciate it.If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter
Amen brother! Amen. [From the buried beaches of Holland, MI – 120 inces and counting]
too fucking funny
or ROFL, as a non dyslexic would type.
I was on spring break in that ’92 storm and had to spend the night in a church in Alabama on our way to New Orleans because the police shut down all the roads and wouldn’t let anyone through. Tried to get around on back roads but they had everything shut down just because of a couple inches of iced up snow. At one part of a federal highway with a small dip and hill the idiots were driving one car at a time down the hill and up because they were afraid someone might slide back despite nobody actually doing that.
Agreed 100 percent. In upper New England snow is generally ignored, unless they get like 24 inches in 12 hours. My cats have more weather balls than many people in the south.
This display of drama over a modest snowfall is shameful.
I recall a certain region of the country completely losing its shit over a tropical cyclone… something to be said for weather to which the region is accustomed. That said I’m a lunatic Floridian and am also laughing at the schmucks in the deep south.
True that was pathetic. Detroit somehow lost power for as long as New York
more evidence why, not so much the north won, but why the south lost
Hahaha I saw that on Twitter last night
140,000 Northerners combat kills didn’t clot so fast in that war Mr. Thaler.
You see what I mean about the slow part though? This post was from four days ago. You Southern boys show up whenever you feel like it.