Yellen Is Come

Praise the heavens! Life up your voices and give thanks to our new Fed overlord!

Buy stocks and let not a drop of red hit the indices on this day. Even Tesla must trade higher, though it vexes me. Everything must end higher to celebrate and sanctify this glorious occasion.

There will be no tapering, soft child. That was just a ruse to speed up the confirmation process. Rather, we must have more intervention. It is both just and right, as you are too feeble and weak to be entrusted the hard task of survival alone.

Prepare the offering stone, for the new Bearded One. Do not question where she keeps her beard, unless you beckon to feel the cold, loveless kiss of the back of her hand.

Those of us that have made horrible decisions are entitled to free money, to aid us in the process of unwinding those discretions. In fact, if I were to lose the possessions I rightfully took (executive privilege) with borrowed funding, it would be nothing shy of a travesty of justice.

In truth, the only horrible decision is refusing to make horrible decisions. Load up on stolen property, with Yellen’s blessing and 3% funding. Then keep it for yourself. The finest trimmings are available to you. Buy GM stock, on triple margin, funded with credit card debt. It is your birth right.