A Treu Christmas Gift From Me to You

Before you pop champagne corks into your faces, spray champagne on your

“friends,” smoke your fine Cuban cigars, and celebrate the New Year, here are

some tips on how to work any room like “Dr. Fly.”

 

Your relationships with others will define your success. Everything in life we

accomplish with or through other people. I’ll help you make sure you don’t mess

it all up. Well, at least not too much.

 

Let us begin…

 

After speaking with hundreds of very successful entrepreneurs, there are better

places to network and meet people. The optimal places to go are charity and

nonprofit organizations. That’s the best place to meet people personally and

professionally.

 

What do you do when you go to the events? Here is an overall plan and tips you

may consider using.

 

First, psych yourself up before you go. You can use affirmations or anything that

gets yourself in the right state of mind. You might also visualize that you are

going to an event to meet old friends that you haven’t seen in a while. This can

loosen you up and help reduce any social anxiety.

 

Start working a room as soon as you arrive. Talk to the valet and the doorman.

These are great people for you to get to know. They know what’s going on, they

can help you out, and they’re underappreciated. This also gets you warmed up

and keeps your energy high. Otherwise, you can start to get self-conscious and

nervous, and then social anxiety really kicks in. Odds are, the longer you wait,

the more unlikely you will be to engage others.

 

Start right away by asking the doorman what’s up or tell him your name and ask

him his name. Just say, “How’s everything going?” Depending on where you are,

you can greet the hostess or maître d’ next. It’s important to keep engaging

people, even if you just say hi. You can stop and speak with them briefly or just

say something and walk on by.

 

If you’re at a charity, nonprofit, or networking event, someone at the door will be

checking people in. Stop and make sure your name’s on the list and on their

email list so you can get other invites.

 

Once you get into a room full of people, start making your way toward the bar, if

there is one, or wherever it’s natural for people to congregate. Doing this keeps

you in the moment and you don’t have time for any social anxiety to come up

because you will be focused on talking to people.

 

Arriving at the bar is a good time to start a conversation. You can talk to the

bartender or one of the people on either side of you. I always like to learn the

bartender’s name. Then when you come back, you can greet him and he will say

your name back. People around you will think you are a VIP because he or she

knows your name, and they will greet you like an old friend. Also, many

bartenders and event staff eventually move on to other places, so you’ll have

connections in many bars, restaurants, and other places in your city.

 

The bar is also a comfortable place to start conversations because you have a

real reason to be there. You are ordering a drink (or water) and waiting for the

bartender. If there is no bar, just go wherever the food and beverages are.

So what do you say to people around you? Here are a few ways to start

conversations:

 

• “How’s everything?”
• “What do you have on the agenda this week/weekend?”
• “Are you a member of this organization?” If so, ask them about their favorite events or volunteer roles.
• “I’m really interested in attending some great events and joining some other organizations. Do you have any recommendations?” This question allows you get valuable information. Also, people like to be thought of as experts, and asking opinion questions are a good way to build initial rapport.
• Soon, you’ll have the option to exchange information with them. Simply offer, “Let’s exchange contact information and stay in touch about upcoming events.” Or “I am gathering a list of events. Let’s exchange information and I’ll send them your way.” Usually, I hand them my phone and they can put the information in faster and also their last name.
• This process works because 99% of people talk rather than listen. You’re going to stand out by asking questions about the other person first and taking a genuine interest. A great byproduct is that you leave the conversation with a little mystery around you—people are intrigued to learn more about you.

 

A conversation is simple: start it, engage the other person and build rapport,

keep it going for few minutes, and then leave them thinking you are great person

that they want to get to know better. It really just boils down to that.

Here are couple more important things to keep in mind…

 

Remember, your confidence level and how you deliver information greatly

outweighs what you say. A common mistake people make is placing too much

importance on what to say. This can make someone sound scripted.

 

Nonverbal cues, body language, and physical positioning all impact how we are

perceived by others. You have one opportunity to make a first impression and

build strong rapport when you meet someone. You do not have time to waste in

your face-to-face interactions. You need to quickly understand what someone

else is really feeling and thinking and how you can influence them—something

you have control over if you have control over your body language, nonverbal

cues, and expressions.

 

Also, don’t talk to people for more than five minutes at a time. Why? Here are a

few reasons:

 

• You will meet more people and therefore practice your social skills. Social skills are learned behaviors, so the more you practice, the better you will get.
• You can worry less about what to talk about because you can ask a few quick questions and move on.
• You don’t invest so much time in people that you end up missing out on other people in the room that may be better suited for you.

 

Finally if your conversation is around business, make sure to focus on what you

can do to help the other person. Since most people are concerned with their own

personal gain, you’ll quickly stand out. Start asking them questions about what

they need, and you will quickly find out how you can help them. Albert Einstein

once said, “Strive not to be a person of success, but a person of value.”

 

You can ask them, “What current challenges are you dealing with in your job (or

company)?” Finally say, “How can I help you?” or “What can I do this minute to

help you?” Then, write yourself a quick note about what is it, exchange contact

information, and follow up within 24 hours. You might not be able to help them or

provide them with a contact. Just tell them you tried—it will go a long way. I’d

also come up with another potential way you could help them and see if that is of

interest.

 

So it’s time to take action in 2015, and make it your best year ever. Have a great

rest of your holiday season, and drink your fine whiskey and eggnog.

You can read more on my blog, and check out my #1 bestselling book, Social

Wealth, on Amazon.

 

Cheers,

Jason

Comments »

My friends say to each other daily how thankful we are for the lives we have and enjoy everything we have. An important piece of having a great lifestyle is being thankful and appreciating what you have. So many people have tunnel vision are chasing things versus bring grateful. Help your friends celebrate the small successes. As men, we typically look at the only success as something major. Use the small successes to help you gain momentum in any area of your life. This will help you “snow ball” success in your life.

 

Today, I’ll take on a few topics from conversation starters, topic areas, language, over communicating and the dreaded first date for those single folks.

 

CA: I ran into an actual scotch ambassador on Tuesday. I was trying to track down people and interestingly enough, he appeared! Went on vacation, but when back I will try and get an interview so I can pass along information.

 

Conversation starters:

Wanted to share a couple easy ways to get conversations going with anyone, in any situation. The most important thing is your energy, attitude and confidence. Without those, you will not get the responses you will want. I believe rapport with people starts before you ever even show up. You have to have rapport with yourself first. That’s where affirmations/visualizations come into play.

 

1)    Just ask, “How’s everything?” Great way to get things going and then ask questions from there. If someone starts down the road of “death topics,” just bridge back to something fun and interesting. People love talking about those themselves.

2)    Walk around and “cheers” people. Great way to say hi without conversation. It works amazingly well when you do decide to talk to them later. It is the second time you have interacted with them instead of the first.

 

You don’t need any tricks or 50-step method to meeting people. All those things are a waste of time. This will work anywhere in the world with everyone. The only difference is if you want to bring in topics that are local or locale specific.

 

My rule: Talk 10% and listen 90%.

 

Conversation topics:

Avoid serious topics, talk about fluff with people. I know we all want to have deep, serious talks, but people don’t want that. They go out for coffee, gym, sports event, art show, dinner, etc to escape their life. They want to have fun. They want to enjoy life and you have to go with that. I see people all the time boring people with “death topics” or serious subjects. Save those for your best friends.

 

I know all of you are smart and have a lot to offer. You’d love for someone to listen, and I wish it worked. But it doesn’t. You have to keep it fluff. Rapport is easily built with fluff, and like I said before, rapport is built before you ever interact.

 

I was out to dinner a week ago with 10 very successful men and you know what was discussed…fun topics. No one wanted to discuss business or anything serious. Everyone is always trying to get something from people, so be different. At some point people will bring it back to business and then they will want to help you or buy from you. You took a different approach.

 

Social is how you build bonds and they are the strongest ones you can build.

 

Be Careful with Your Language:

Watch the words that you use. Many people I find after some success in their life say, “That’s not like me,” or “That rarely happens to me.” Train yourself to remain positive and think as though it always happens. Instead say, “This is what happens to me all the time.” You need to change your mind frame. Many guys think because the success they have isn’t big enough or they are measuring against something else (like returns from CA, Fly, etc.). Don’t fall into that trap.

 

Stop Over Communicating:

Multiple email accounts, IMs, Face book, texts, phone. People spend more time communicating electronically than ever before. You can’t build relationships over media. Get in-person with people. 100 text messages will be the same as 1. Don’t live your life over email, IM, or texts.

 

Many people feel this urge to over sell to make sure people are interested or that they can share everything over media. Get to the point. We all waste so much time doing this instead of saying, “Dinner tues nite, 7pm?” Then talk away at dinner. Yes I know you can’t do this for everyone b/c of geography, but you will be amazed at how many people you do this with. Don’t carry on a full relationship with social/electronic media.

 

The Death of the Conventional Date
The new “normal” isn’t to go on conventional dates. They are overrated because they place to much pressure people. Society has dictated that man asks out a woman, takes her out individually, needs to impress her, etc. This sets up a paradigm in which you will always pursue her. You will always be the guy doing all the work. What is the fun for her? Where is the chase? Women may say they don’t want that, but actions speak differently. Look at the bad guy/good girl scenario and the reality that nice guys finish last. Let a woman chase you.
 
I am going to give you an outline to consider…
 
1) Invite women you know to join you and your friends in activities. This puts much less pressure on meeting her and also lets you see how she acts/treats her friends and vice versa. You also might find you like one of her friends more and vice versa for the woman. Start like this for a month or so. It also builds some social proof that will only help you.
2) Minimal conversation on the phone. Forget the phone and never ending texting. Have conversations in person because that is the only way you get to know people. 97% of communication is nonverbal. You can text 100 times it won’t accomplish any more than 1 text. So many people try to have relationships on social media versus in-person.
3) Start causal, escalate slowly. What I mean is don’t get serious too quickly. People start to rush into relationships, the pressure grows and it crumbles. Take it slow. If the person you meet, you end up being with for 30 years, what does a few months stand to hurt you?
4) Keep conversations light in the beginning. Don’t talk about politics, religion, your past dating, etc. People want to have fun! They want to laugh! If she/he brings it up, just bridge to another topic.
5) Speak 10%, LISTEN 90%! I know this one will be very hard for men. They think that talking will impress women. One of the top 3 complaints women have is men don’t listen. If you just ask questions, and listen, you will immediately be much farther ahead. I’ve gone out and asked this question sooooo many times. The very attractive women always say to me, men try to impress me rather getting to know me. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/07/16/hearstmagrelationships289601.DTL

6) It is up to you on physical interactions. There is nothing wrong with being physical with someone casually. It really depends on what you want to do. It also comes down to respect.
 
Here is an interesting article to read:
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlecosmomatch.aspx?cp-documentid=20548311&gt1=32023

 

Hope you all had a great trading week,

Jason

 

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