Fourteen Years and Counting….

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Cut and pasted from my personal blog:  http://criticalperception.blogspot.ca/2012/08/fourteen-years-and-counting.html

For better or for worse.” Those words sounds pretty romantic don’t they? Almost magical, on our wedding day.  Little did I know just how real they would become over the course of our marriage.

Doing some of the math:

20 years together

14 years of marriage

1 mortgage.

18 records of employment that year alone and

3 years of tax receipts to qualify for said mortgage.

7 years to pay off that mortgage.

3 miscreants committed to violence every time they are within

6 feet of each other.

1 broken leg, broken in

3 different places. Not mine. Changed my life in EVERY way.

1 emergency trip in an ambulance to discover

1 peanut allergy, the hard way.

1 black eye leading to

2 policemen at the door and

1 child services visit and

0 apologies for the bogus accusation.  Fuckers.

1 shopping cart flipping upside-down at the WalMart, with the

2-year old in it.

1 kid lost at the flea market for a

10 scary seconds.

1 more kid lost at a downtown parade for the

10 scariest minutes of our lives.

5875 km or

3619.5 miles driving like a bat out of hell to NorCal & back.

$790.00 CDN in gas to do it. Not bad at all.

5 peeps still in the van,

0 body bags used on this trip.

And here we are. Older than at the beginning, a little less hair and a few extra pounds. Wiser and much more tainted from battle scars and open flesh wounds. A lot more sleep deprived, a bit less spontaneous, but truly stronger than ever.

What’s the secret, we’re often asked…

Well, I’m gonna tell you.

It’s not IF, but WHEN you fuck up, go eat.  In my house, there are only 2 reasons in which either one of us will get angry.  Either I’m acting like a fucking jackass, or someone is a little hungry and I’m acting like a fucking jackass.  Go eat. Preferably bacon or something with bacon in it or just bacon.  Works every time. And don’t ever forget the coffee.  She loves coffee.  I never touch the stuff.

 

On August 29, 1998,  I was blessed to have had the opportunity to sucker another human being into thinking I was non-psychotic enough to marry me and all my multiple online personalities.  Fuck, I even bet half of all my shit she wouldn’t hate me in the next 25 years.  But then again, I also bet $20K Facebook shares would also trade up after the IPO, so I’m assuming waking up next to the horse’s head one day isn’t out of the question yet.

Over the years, we have been through immense highs and soul-crushing lows and a whole lot of bacon. And through it all, we are still here.  Still standing.  Still laughing.  Still eating bacon.
And still in love.

Happy Anniversary, baby.

7 Responses to “Fourteen Years and Counting….”

  1. Damn it, I should’ve known bacon was the answer, man that would have saved me on so many levels….congratulations on your years.

  2. Bacon?! Your cholesterol must be up the roof… better look into AMRN.

    Nice blog you got there. Like your background scheme.

    And yes, congratulation on your 20 years of togetherness. It is always good to be able to share your success in the market!

  3. Can you tell me how the shopping cart flipped upside down with the 2 year old inside…just so, you know, I can avoid a similar fate?

    Oh, and congratulations to you two.

    • Firstly before you all start judging our horrible parenting skillz, I’d like to tell you that my kids are whacked out of their minds, off the wall psychopathic lunatical coke-addled baby monkeys jacked on sugar and corn dogs at all times; I’m tempted to have built-in ritalin IV’s installed in their bedrooms…But I’m told this is common and healthy among families that have 3 boys. I for one would like to see that study first hand; and when you are told by the kid’s playschool teacher that he is learning new words such as “confiscate”, you gotta start wondering…

      As far as the cart goes, we were unloading the cart at the cashier, kid in the child seat up front, turned away for a split second to put the last item on the conveyor belt thing and grab the divider bar; then whammo!! Cart is completely upside-down on top of the kid, and he is trapped inside under the basket part! No damage done except for the goofy stares we got after. I guess the kid decided to climb out of the seat and into the basket part and his weight on the push bar flipped the cart…

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