Jay-Z – Feelin’ It

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqJfhmTxWvo&feature=related 450 300]

Interesting day. Believe me, I had to contain myself, like an over caffeinated jackal in a prairie full of bunnies, refusing to put cash to work.

Despite knowing the market would gap higher today, I made a conscious decision to not base my investment decisions on short term moves, anymore. Right now, I am holding more than 50% cash and will start legging back into positions, little by little.

With [[FXP]], [[SRS]], [[SMN]] and [[SKF]] getting “mushroom clouded” today, I refrained from buying. The reality of the situation is: the market may mud stomp the bears to the tune of another 500 points, from here.

So you may think you caught a deal with SKF today, but that fucker can drop another 30 points, no problem.

With my money, oddly enough, I did absolutely nothing. Should we gap up again tomorrow, I may buy more [[SMN]].

If you’re caught short, I strongly suggest buying an upside play to hedge, then proceed to drink heavily.

Watch another financial shoe drop after the bell, effectively poleaxing all the “do-gooders” who went long today.

I’m simply up too much for the year, in order to care. So sorry.

Now that I’m “retired,” I must figure out what to do with my time. Off the top of my head, I’ve contemplated moving to South America to become a farmer. Or, maybe I’ll take my staff of reps and traders and go look for treasures, such as oil or even better: diamonds.

While I decide what do do with my time, you have to figure out the mess you’re in. It’s quite funny, actually.

Most of you just sit there making outrageous market calls. As you know by now, with little to no effort or even sleeping, “The Fly” can beat you like a stubborn pancake batter, when it comes to investing.

Naturally, when “The Fly” loses a few bucks, most of you rush to the front of the crowd, in order to scream profanities and attempt to poke fun at me, mainly because you’re all classless fuckbags. At the end of the day, “The Fly” wins, all the time—even when he appears to be losing badly.

In closing, you might as well log off this fucking website now, since I have little to no desire to help the “small man” make stock market gains.

However, if you’re a blinged out playa’, keep a close eye on [[SMN]]. That bitch is lookin’ flavorful and may be worth legging into, under $43.

As tempting as it is to buy [[SKF]] or [[SRS]] down huge, I will not attempt to bottom fish, until we get a few trading days under our proverbial belts. First of all, we have no idea how effective or ineffective the new Fed plan will be. Therefore, with that logic, executing any directional trade now is pure river boat gambling.

You might as well take your fat ass over to OTB and hang out with the rest of the losers, while you’re at it.

In my book, the best thing to do, on days like this, is sit it out. Do nothing.

Worst case scenario, you might end up paying 2-3% higher, for inverse ETF purchases or long side plays. However, that’s a price I am willing to pay for assurance.

Frankly, if you’re buying this tape, and this is nothing but a headfake, tomorrow or the day after will be the beginning of the end for your bullshit trading career.

On the other hand, if you’re short and continue to sell into this rally, without thinking, you can easily find yourself in a world of pain—should this rally extend a few more days.

My bias, as always, is bearish. However, this time around, I am going to be far more evil and guileful with my next set of investments or reverse investments—if you know what I mean.

NOTE: Even though the textbook says to go long, “The Fly’s” book says to do nothing. I just wanted to clarify my title.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ7cTI623Vg 450 300]

I knew the market was due to spike, especially after seeing Cramer capitulate on television last night, sounding the alarms of doom and gloom. Not to beat up on the guy, but he’s been 100% wrong on the markets, since 2007.

Today’s move by the Fed to add liquidity into the AAA mortgage market is brilliant. Furthermore, I think it will help add liquidity, in a big way.

The near term game plan is simple: If you built up a huge cash position, like “The Fly,” sit back and enjoy watching the idiots scramble for sea shells. If you are heavily short, get the fuck out of the way, for your head is about to be separated from your torso.

This type of move by the Fed can underpin a sustainable move in the markets, especially since everyone is caught leaning short.

Quick trades: Long [[UYG]], [[GS]], [[DGP]], [[SBNY]] and [[OZRK]]

Chuck Norris is client #1, of course.

With the exception of Jeff Macke, whom I have decided is a highly competent investor, EVERYONE ON FASTMONEY BLOWS.

Really, they are all batting like .120, over the last 12 months. They fucking suck. All I hear is “buy this, no decouple that, solar stocks look sweet here or Carl Icahn is fucking great.”

I’m sick of it. I spit on Fast Money, from 300 yards away.

The worst of the worst is that pony tail dude. Although I love his enthusiasm, this man is a money destroyer on wheels. He needs to be contained to a box of playdough, and not giving investment advice to a populace that is screaming for sage commentary.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_X4R8D_JSw 450 300]