Shabba Ranks: Winey Winey

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfFXKxSFmOo&feature=related 450 300]

The stock Gods always bless “The Fly” with egregious gifts of stock market wins, while also punishing him with brutal late season NY Mets collapses.

I made my bed; now I will lay in it.

I am loaded to the gills in Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , [[UYG]] , Walter Industries, Inc. [[WLT]] , Freeport-McMoRan Copper & Gold Inc. [[FCX]] , [[ROM]] , Synovus Financial Corp. [[SNV]] and other equally insane names.

Added to the mix is Wachovia Corporation [[WB]] , [[UYM]] and Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] .

In short, the credit markets are throwing everything into flux—from farms to cars to banks. It is essential that Congress passes some version of the Paulson corporate welfare plan, else all hell will break loose.

Remember, “The Fly” wins all the time, even when he appears to be losing badly.

NOTE: My largest position is C.

I bought 10,000 Wachovia Corporation [[WB]] @ $8.80.

UPDATE: I bought another 5,000 @ $8.58.

UPDATE: I bought 2,000 Walter Industries, Inc. [[WLT]] @ $49.88, 2,000 [[ROM]] @ $46.58 and 1,000 Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] @ $70.92

UPDATE: I bought 3,000 [[UYM]] @ $50.14

Disclaimer: If you buy any of the above because of this post, this will happen:

Fuck all this talk of insolvency. It’s very boring when it’s actually happening, as opposed to it being a virtual concept, if you know what I mean.

It’s sort of like how I get all happy and shit when Steve (my neighbor) loses money in his 401k plan, but feel bad for him when he comes to my house for a cup of rice.

Instead of getting all “emo” and shit, regarding the pending death of America, “The Fly” will do the patriotic thing and buy Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , as if my head was attached to my balls.

And, with regards to coal: I will make believe it is not down today. Yeah, that makes sense. Walter Industries, Inc. [[WLT]] is actually up $6, as idiots from China add coking coal to their baby formula recipe.

In short, this cannot be the end of our moronic financial system. There are so many people left to rip off. My money is on “goldilocks” and her whorish ways being able to infect another generation of plasma loving malcontents.

Top picks: Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , [[UYG]]

Commodities are being blown out. I am “enjoying” large losses in Freeport-McMoRan Copper & Gold Inc. [[FCX]] , Walter Industries, Inc. [[WLT]] and Peabody Energy Corporation [[BTU]] . That’ll learn me for fucking around with speculative commodities.

Hey, at least gold is going higher.

The good news is, most banks are holding up well, with exception to the one I own: Citigroup Inc. [[C]] .

Some of you may misconstrue that to be awful news for me, and it is. However, I try not to think about losses so early in the morning. I will hold off my usual inter-office violence for the end of the day, when all hope is lost.

You must admit, the staggering losses in the coal sector is rather unseemly. A well deserved deballing I suppose, coming from the claws of that bitch: Mother Market.

I could rattle off a bunch of strategies worth applying, but why bother? Let’s just all camp out around the tube and wait for Congress to save us.

In the meantime, I am booking a 3rd class flight to Romania, where I will spend the rest of my life tending to goats and fields of rapeseed.

What the fuck is wrong with our ‘fearless leaders’? Don’t they know 75% of this country is littered with illiterate rubes who don’t know the difference between a bank and a banana? To the average main street, blue collar, idiot, it makes zero sense to give ‘their money’ to a banana. Hell, they would much rather prefer a nice big fucking stimulus check, so that they can go buy a new plasma.

So, on top of all the bullshit congress has put us through, over the last 10 years, now they feel it’s imperative to play a losers game of financial chicken with Wall Street, because the fucking factory workers in Pennsylvania think “those fat cats” from Wall Street “outta go to jail.”

Okay, how about this, Mr. Joey Bag o’ Donuts:

Your credit lines have been canceled. Your daughters student loan has been canceled. Your filthy factory, due to their lines of credit being turned off, has to fire you, in order to stay afloat. Now that you are unemployed, you need to tap your 401k plan to live, while you are in between jobs. Oh, sorry, the value of your retirement account is down 60%, because that “fucking bailout for those Wall Street honchos” failed. And, finally, your local grocery store just got shut down, due to lack of liquidity.

Become a farmer you stupid bastard. To hell with those Wall Street ‘fat cats.’

The only reason why we are not down 2,000 points is because investors cannot fathom the idea that Congress would actually allow the market to crash. Believe me, without a bailout, I am 100% certain we will crash.

Here’s the rub:

If you try to get in front of congressional idiocy and sell short here, there is a distinct possibility that a deal may be agreed upon over the weekend, effectively burying you alive in shorts. In other words, my position is to remain long and pray to the Gods that no one pays attention to low IQ’ers on main street.

It’s riddled with morons.

Fuck you very much John McCain and your mentally ill ways.

There is no need to give any of you financial advice any longer. The end is near; prepare for an unglorious death, via Congressional diktat.

Oh, the irony.

In other newz, Microvision, Inc. [[MVIS]] really needs to get on the do not short list. And, go buy some guns and ammo; because America is going to be like Mad Maxx, the sequel, very soon.

However, be sure to get out there and vote for “your guy” on November 4th.

The FDIC just deballed Wamu and gave their deposits to David Blaine aka Jamie Dimon, over at JPMorgan Chase & Co. [[JPM]] .

Shocker.

In other news, house republican, all of a sudden, found religion and are hell bent on offering an ‘alternative plan.’ In other words, they have no fucking idea what they are doing. However, they are very much interested in posturing—in a very political type of way.

NOTE: Here is some footage of Jamie Dimon’s methods to acquire Wamu’s deposits.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBkrAESUbyI 450 300]

You fuckers should be grateful and thank the Gods for “The Fly” and his copious transmittal of words through the interwebs. I’ve been gifting you fuckers for several years now, with timely wins and unseemly accuracy.

The conundrum: I do not need your approval or your money. Therefore, I have zero motivation to shut the site down to subscribers only. That would be gay. However, I am interested in creating a great product for traders/investors. God willing, The PPT will prove to be just that. After all, I am a staunch capitalist with communist friends—who happen to work for the government.

As for today’s trade:

It was kind of weird. Frankly, I haven’t been this bullish since 2006. So, it is a bit of a cultural shock for me, to say the least.

After the bell, Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] fucked their shareholders via an eps shortfall. Thank God I bought [[ROM]] , instead of RIMM directly.

Finally, prepare for a commodity run. It will take you by surprise and spill your guts all over gum riddled pavements (if you are short, of course).