The World is Ending

Get your hand grenades and sand bags ready; we’re about to endure some pretty awful times, young man.

I remember back in the 90’s, coming up in the business, feeling all optimistic and shit. The internet revolution had just begun and I was fucking annihilating short sellers, in egregious ways that only God himself could explain. The order flow was so overwhelming; I was unable to execute all of my trades.

Those were the good old days, when people would sun bathe during lunch in Bryant Park, then go back to work and make $100,000 from 1-4pm.

This shit we find ourselves in right here, is unadulterated hell, if there is such a thing. Market participants are stunned and will remain tepid/homo hammered for a fucking generation, all thanks and praise go out to our banking and regulatory exec’s for making it possible, of course.

You need to understand something about me: I don’t fuck around, when it comes to managing money. I am a fur coat wearing “space alien magician” with the buy/sell tickets. You can try to compete all you want; however, at the end of the day, I am simply bowling on you stupid bastards.

As for today’s tape:

I am no longer bearish on gold. There is some fucked up fuckery taking place in the flight to quality trade. It appears the gold bugs are correct in asserting that gold is a “safe haven” asset, during times of duress. In my opinion, gold is trading up due to its inherent safety characteristics, not due to inflationary concerns.

Once again, we are in a deflationary vortex.

One of my “Reverse Four Horseman of Certain Death” caught a downgrade today, based upon stupid earnings. That company, in case you are wondering is ESS. In addition, an old favorite short of mine, KIM, ate a dick, according to this mornings earnings report.

As a reminder, my four “Reverse Horseman of Certain Death” for 2009 are FRT, MAC, ESS and SLG, with KIM as a notable 5th.

Finally, XOM is still trading at historical levels. As a matter of fact, the stock is trading at a 50% PE premium to its peers, which represents the biggest premium since Exxon merged with Mobile.

Just know this: XOM is purposely manipulating its stock price, via oversized share buybacks. Like the banks, XOM is wasting shareholder money through idiotic buybacks. Last quarter, they bought back $8 billion in stock. This quarter, they are scheduled to buy back another $7 billion. Understand something, that is more than their entire quarterly capex budget.

Are they fucking insane?

Taking a closer look at their earnings report, you will notice a great deal of ambiguity around their asset sales. Call me a banana salesman if you must, but I believe XOM is just begging for a steel pipe beat down.

Top pick: Short XOM, long SRS,

UPDATE: I sold 2,000 FAZ @ $58.35

Looks like that bitch KIM is off to a bad start this morning.

NEW YORK, Feb 5 (Reuters) – – Kimco Realty Corp KIM.N, owner of strip-malls anchored chiefly by grocery stores, said on Thursday that fourth-quarter funds from operations fell as it took bigger-than-expected charges for falling asset values.

FFO fell to $10.5 million, or 4 cents per share, from $136.2 million, or 53 cents per share, a year earlier. The results missed the analysts’ average forecast of 24 cents per share, according to Reuters Estimates.

FFO, a measure of performance for real estate investment trusts, removes the profit-reducing effect of depreciation, a noncash accounting item, on earnings.

For U.S. shopping centers open more than a year, net operating income, which measures performance on a property level, rose 1.3 percent in the fourth quarter.

Kimco, based on Long Island, New York, said it expected 2009 FFO of $1.70 to $1.90 per share, far short of the $2.23 analysts had forecast, according to Reuters Estimates.

Too bad I am no longer short the bitch directly. However, I do have representation via SRS.

Cancel the fucking debt, allow U.S. corporations to repatriate earnings overseas, without it being a tax event. And, finally, tell the bond, preferred and equity holders to “go fuck themselves.”

Bankruptcy is the only viable option.

You are the very definition of awesomeness.

I am sure you are reading this lowly blog with leather jackets (that’s right, more than one) on, collar up, while riding on a motorcycle studded with skulls and spikes. Your bank accounts are in the deep nine digits and you have access to an illegal harem.

You are well versed in 20 languages; people call you “The fucking Pope.”

And, you grace “The Fly,” as well as other tabbed bloggers of iBC, with accurate market wizardry and enable all others, pedestrians if you will, to feed off your marvelous ideas. I am sure if you chose to take up the game of boxing, your record would be 50-0, with 51 kills (referee), prior to retirement.

For your kindness and willingness to deal with my humble background and resources, I say “thank you.”

In others news, Bank of America is about to get its “nationalization game on,” if you know what I mean.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kju9VU2B7Bk 450 300]

“The Fly” has multiple events to partake in, within minutes of this post ending. Therefore, I’ll be brief.

People are panicked over a potential BAC bankruptcy, while bidding up commodity/Chinese stocks. It’s rather insane out there.

All of the economic data is rock bottom abysmal, yet many of you big booted clowns are bullish.

Why, fucktard, why?

Into the bell, I will be long FAZ, SRS, DUG, ERY, TZA, EEV, CHL, FXI, MT, JRJC and BUCY.

I do not expect to make a killing with such a convoluted composition of financial instruments. However, it is not my intent to do so. Indeed.

In a period of outright trickery, I have no interest in taking on a lot of risk. As you notice, the lion share of my long positions are chicoms, mainly because they are masters of “the art of fuckery.”

Best case scenario: the market dives and my chicoms go up anyway. Shit like that can only occur in the great walled country of the angry panda.

I assert, with a stiff backbone and chest full of hairs, this market is about to get “RiverTwiced” in a very hideous Zach Karabell sort of way.

Oh well, you cannot say “The Fly” did not try to be bullish.

Ladies and Gentleman, the bull market of 2009 is over, despite only lasting 2 hours. As you sit there, in your Chinese outfit, sipping on disgusting black tea, you lose money.

Naturally, my Chinese securities are still green (CHL, WX, JRJC, FXI). You might ponder or wonder in amazement, “Mr. Fly, how is that so?” I would tell you, if it didn’t require me punching a jelly donut into your fucking face.

The banks and the CRE shall and will be punished through large capital losses.

People I know, in the business of shorting stocks to zero are pointing their guns at stocks like MAC, KIM or even SLG. Let it be known, “The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER is having a glorious day, with his longs up shorts down.

To summarize my day in one blog post would be disrespectful to the laws of reason and honour. All of you bottom picking motherfuckers are about to get an early burial.

I am “ostrich trading” today, ignoring the news, buying the orient.

Thus far, I’ve built up decent CHL/FXI positions. Now, in an unbelievable twist of events, I am buying JRJC, and a little WX (thin trading), with several others on the soon to be bought list.

I know the news is bad and I am still saddled with lots of short positions. However, for today, I feel like throwing a few old dudes under moving buses.

Some of my long positions include: MT, BUCY, PFE, MOS, CLX and even a little MVIS.

Sometimes life throws unhittable curve balls at you. It is my job to kick the catcher in the chest, throw dirt in his face, then proceed to take first on a passed ball.

As for the banks:

Sure, they’re fucked. But don’t tell that to the idiots buying GS up at these levels. Those guys are serious about losing money.

In short, get drunk and buy a few chicoms.

I bought 10,000 JRJC, just south of $9.30.

UPDATE: I bought 1,000 WX @ $5.62 (tester position)

Disclaimer: If you buy JRJC or WX because of this post, the next time you visit China a tank will run you over. And, you may lose money.

Finally, we have someone to do the news on iBankCoin. His column is not officially up on the front page yet. However, we will have it all set up by tonight.

I give you CRONKITE.

The point of his blog is to deliver the news, sort of like Fox News without all the fair and balanced shit. He is an industry pro with more experience than all of you assholes combined. If you have any news tips or suggestions, feel free to drop him a note.

Another win for the Godly folks at iBankCoin.