Milk the Government!

As you know by now, “The Fly” is roaming his office in a long cape, similar to the one seen in the epic movie “The Count of Monte Cristo.” Now, you might ponder to yourself: “Why the fuck is Fly roaming around in a cape?”

My answer to you, as always, is “shut the fuck up, you stupid bastard. Get me a cup of tea, 2 lumps, heavy creme, no butter, thanks.”

There is a certain level of professionalism, demonstrated on this website, that cannot be duplicated elsewhere. Had you followed my sage advice, over the last 2 weeks, you would have went bananas, but richly rewarded. I have played along with this tape, via long and short positions, better than any known man in the history of investing, scientifically of course.

At the present, my only meaningful short positions are in DUG/ERY. My longs stretch for miles, in various Chinese related names; and they make me happy.

See folks, “The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana aka Plutonium Petey aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER is all about bowling on stupid bastards who bet against him. I’m too fast for you slow gun grabbing goat ball lickers. It’s like playing baseball against a team of retards, almost.

Anyway, into this circle jerk of optimism, I might (it’s still very early) sell some of my longs, which includes FXI, CHL, MT, JRJC, YZC and BUCY, in order to enter the weekend with totalitarian dominion over this market and, yes indeud [sic], the financial blogosphere.

Never forget, you other bloggers are like little fish getting a free ride on my fucking fins. Keep fucking with me and I’ll bite your stupid heads off.

Another month goes by, another 600k jobs lost.

You know, I still can’t come to grips with the fact that Obama is supporting a criminally insane pork laden “stimulus bill.” It’s almost as if he is being led around by the nose, by some stupid bitch in Congress.

It’s equal to be broke/starved, with nothing but vinegar in the fridge, then going out and borrowing money to buy a new blu-ray dvd player, while the kids at home starve. Fucking idiotic.

Once again, it took Bush 8 years to steal $1 trillion from the Treasury. These fucking bastards are attempting to do it in 1 week, without debate or opposition support. Bush used the war on terrorism to scare the shit out of us; now these fuckers will use pictures of the Great Depression to get what they want.

At the end of the day, I’m all about banking coin and bowling on you fuckers in the comments section anyway. I am indifferent to politics, but find it amusing when the politicians try to steal.

Into a rally, I will likely sell off some of my longs and build my cash position to 50%+.

There are mustard seeds all over my front lawn. People in my neighborhood are racing, mind you, over to Best Buy, in order to buy more plasmas.

On a very personal level, I’d like ot see the Dow like at 2,000. You know, just to crush the spirits of all of the assholes who’ve been buying the dips. However, I am looking for a rally, near term, which will set up a Godly shorting opportunity.

I do not debate the fact that we are fucked. Instead, I offer visions of mustard seeds and fantasies of stock splits, for the next week or so.

Or, maybe we just go down and I sell my longs and go short again.

Stay tuned.

NOTE: At the time of this post, “The Fly” was 50% long, 15% short and 35% cash.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFCsMtu_eKY&feature=related 450 300]

Ack,

Ack, ack ack-ack. Ack DUG, MT, ERY, CHL, ack, FXI, BUCY, YZC, WX ACK ACK ACK!! Ack, JRJC!!!

Ack, ack ack (burp). Ack FAZ (ack,ack). ACK ACK ACK!!!!!

Ack ack, ack SRS, EEV, ack, KIM, ESS, MAC ack, SLG!!!!

Ack Geithner, Paulson, Obama, Bush, Bernanke ack Mozilo, ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK!!!

Ack

“Ack Fly”

I bought 5,000 DUG @ $23.03.

Disclaimer: If you buy DUG because of this post, your balls will fall off. And, you may lose money.

…the boogey man will go away.

I swear on a stack of old korans, our leadership is without gray matter. These assholes want to suspend mark to market? Are they fucking insane?

I guess they believe less transparency is exactly what we need right now. After all, if WFC, USB and JPM can just hide all of their losses, keeping them dormant indefinitely, everyone will go long right? And, people will find magical jobs too, as magicians or wizards.

WRONG.

No one will want to invest in any company that is hiding shit on their balance sheets. I don’t want to hear the bullshit argument: “the banks need a little time.” Fuck that.

The motherless whores in Congress have fucked up every single “stimulus” or “bailout” plan to date and will continue the tradition of being fucktarded asshats, for as long as they live. Letting the banks “slide” on mark to market standards is equal to legalizing accounting fraud.

So be it. These fuckers don’t pay their taxes anyway. We might as well support accounting fraud too.

Obamanomics!

Nonetheless, with the market bouncing here, I am comfortable being net long, despite the negative headwinds. My long bias will be short lived. And, my cash position will remain above 30%, until I am ready to start shorting again.

Columbo, “Oh, one more thing” UPDATE: If the Treasury leverages the TARP funds 10:1, in order to buy toxic assets from the banks, they should be arrested for treason.

Free Healthcare for all!

I bought 5,000 YZC, just south of $7.43.

Disclaimer: China+Coal=gold.

Sorry for the unintentional misdirection, through previous claims that the world was indeed ending.

As a result of the market reversal, I sold out all of my SRS, north of $64. And, I sold out all of my FAZ, and TZA, north of $58 and $57.50 respectively.

This leaves me with a massive cash position, north of 40%. And, it also leaves me in a net bullish position, long BUCY, MT, FXI, CHL, JRJC and PFE.

On the short side, I still hold big positions in DUG and ERY, as well as minor positions in REW and SDS.

UPDATE: I bought 1,500 JRJC @ $9.79

UPDATE II: I bought 5,000 BUCY @ $15.60

I bought 3,000 CHL @ $46.85.

UPDATE: I sold out of my EEV position. And, as a result of the market rally, I sold some SRS.