Cordial Decline

Interesting tidbit on the TIF beat: I alluded to this several weeks ago, regarding a Sterne Agee research note that pointed to a 92% correlation between TIF sales to stock market returns. In other words, they made the case for a TIF beat based solely upon the strength of the stock market. It actually makes a lot of common sense to me, especially because they are a luxury retailer. Not as impressive, but 2nd and 3rd on the list, was ANN and TLB. Food for thought.

The market has stabilized since this morning’s dumpout, led by the financials–now up 0.3%. A lot of stocks on my screen are still red; but some have managed to reverse course and head higher. Although I’d like to believe we’ve seen the days lows, I will not be committing new capital unless we get a steeper correction. I am interested in buying more YELP and starting position in both JWN and BID.

One sector bucking the trend are the ag stocks. I don’t know why. However, we’re heading into the planting season, so my money is on the shenanigans of the fucking farmers. Perhaps those greedy bastards are trading on some insider knowledge that there isn’t gonna be enough food for the world this summer and we’re all gonna starve to death. That would be glorious news for “ag plays.”

Personally, I like my positions here and glad to be rid of that disaster VXX. If forced to choose via shotgun to my head, I’d say YELP is going much higher and soon. Aside from the fact that YELP has 66 million users and is one of the more useful social media companies publicly traded, I find it indispensable. There have been a few occasions where I’ve taken a personal liking to products, only to see their share prices take off without me.

Off the top of my head, I loved the products of the following companies, but failed to hold onto the shares: MNST, BWLD, CMG, PNRA, AAPL, GMCR, WFM etc.

Bottom line: YELP is a fucking winner; you just don’t know it yet.

Many of you pole-smokers have already blamed my reentry into stocks as the key catalyst for the market trading lower this morning, as if the Gods were waiting for that very moment to drop anvils on investors. In many respects, you are all children, with weak brains and even weaker souls. You baby gorillas need to stop viewing things on a minute by minute basis; it truly is astoundingly idiotic.

For example: does anyone here think that I am somehow dissuaded from the market because futures are lower this morning? Really? I’m fucking nuts, remember that. Pardon the tone, as it may come off as sheepishly defensive, but I am not moved by a minor setback in equities. Remember the whole “cold water phobia” explanation that I illuminated for you yesterday?

Yes, indeud, I had to buy yesterday, even if it meant undergoing a drawdown.

So, as you sit there in your pleather chair from SPLS, savoring in the taste of this mornings blood, just know that I hate you and have designs to murder you though unorthodox means. This isn’t a game anymore and your life is in grave danger of ending farcically.

Aside from this morning’s restive mood, have faith in the super-human beings who’ve been buoying stocks for many months to come through, yet again, with more generous offerings. Any dip is, naturally, a buying opportunity. Having said that, if you are betting against the absurd, you are only setting up for ridicule later on.

I have plenty of cash and will use it to buy any meaningful decline.

I bet you think this “schtick”, as many of you call it, is pretend. I gather you fancy Senor Tropicana to be an opportunist of some sort, a person whose sole goal is to accumulate vast fortunes and kill people from outer space (orbital space cannon). However, the exact opposite of that is true.

Long ago, I stopped giving a fuck about money. Sure, I like money and make it my business to accumulate it; but it doesn’t rule me. Being in the business of money management, I can tell you without hesitation that my peers are greedy dicksucking goat fuckers, the very worst society has to offer, aside from lawyers. They attach themselves onto men of industry, like leeches, trying to suck them for all they have, monetarily of course. Their sole purpose in life is to generate revenue, without regard for the pains their clients have undergone to accumulate their wealth.

If you are fortunate enough to be in the business of money management, ignore the nonsense from suggested by middle management hacksjobs, pushing you into high pressure sales tactics. Instead, learn your trade and speak to people as if they had opinions that mattered. Granted, your “kill rate” might be lower. But you will build relationships that will last and they won’t fucking sue you when times get tough.

Everyone wants to be treated with respect, to earn a shot at success, and most importantly, happiness. While it’s true, much of what I do here is for my own entertainment, particularly when I punch off the mustaches of my readers. But the primary purpose of iBankCoin is to help the self directed investor, as well as people who manage money professionally, to think out their ideas, and most importantly, to understand that to conduct oneself with pride and honour is the most important aspect of life.

Inside of the protected walls of iBankCoin are paid services, The PPT and 12631, both catering to those interested in algorithmic and technical trading, hosted by the very best there is on the internet bar none. The stated goal is to always put the member first; and I don’t think you will find a single member with an opinion to the contrary.

Money isn’t the goal. It never is.

You can buy stocks based upon a war in Syria and Iran or no war at all. Should stocks sell off a bit, light a cigar and simply wait for them to come back up. I will be clicking on the buttons on my computers to just buy shit whenever I get the urge. Shares of YELP and destined to trade significantly higher because it’s disruptive and infectious.

We don’t need fucking jobs when the market is going up on a daily basis. Take your fucking welfare checks and toss them into the market. This is Obama’s gift to you, an attempt to make amends for bulldozing the economy into the ground.

I have no fear because there is no such thing as fear. Therefore, I eagerly await egregious stock market gains.

Have you ever hovered over a cold swimming pool, dipping your toes into the water, fearing the acute shock your brains will endure once enveloped by the water? In many respects, I had this same problem, but with stocks. Of course it was dramatically erratic of me to swap out of VXX and cash in exchange for stocks that have already gone up. But if not now, then when?

Plus anyway, I still have 25% of my assets in cash, an oversized amount by any standard. The point is, I am in the water now, swimming around, doing handstands and shit, enjoying the chlorine flavoured taste.

The stocks I bought are, in many respects, Costanza trades– “awesome and amazing” by any standard within the field of high level speculation.

In the event the market should top out here, I will accept my improper timing with a grain of salt and move on. But, you must understand, to be paralyzed in the face of perpetual melt ups renders my talents as a stock picker useless, effectively categorizing my person as dead in the eyes of those who follow my winship closely.

Zombie Fly has returned from the grave and he is closing in on you with great expediency, in an effort to take a nibble from your brains.

I want you to say dumb shit like “I’ll take the other side of that trade” because that’s what makes it interesting. I will not take offense if you bet against me. Your active participation against my interests do not mark the sands of time. As a matter of fact, your money is so small– no one would notice your attempt to rape the markets, Mr. Small Dick, Big Mouth Fuckface.

I sold out of VXX, taking a 17% loss to the bank.

In addition, I bought YELP, RS, TDC, AKS and EXK.

My cash position is down to 25%.

Whether this attempt at winship will work is to be determined. However, if there is one thing I have learned in my career of ups and downs it is to trust my gut, especially when shit is going against me. Either way, my destiny has already been plotted out for me. I am going to trade the fuck higher, no matter what. It’s not a question of “if” but “when.” With regards to today’s action, I believe that time is now.

Nothing can stop stocks from edging higher, so I will not bother to highlight potential risks. At this stage, it’s ridiculous.

Apple is God’s stock and the market is the sandbox of generous Lords, whose sole purpose on this planet is to enrich the plebeians with electrifying stock market gains.

I too would like a piece of that pie. I intend to take great big bites out of it, with animalistic violence.

Whether or not we are heading for a correction is immaterial to me, at this point. The laws of gravity do not apply to equities. They are sublime, everything that is fair and equitable in this world. I will take it upon myself to buy a great deal of stocks today, even though I will be doing so against my better judgment.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gIynQPc-JA&feature=youtu.be 603 500]

Directed and produced by iBankCoin’s IT dept.

Cropped from the direct descent of actual leprechauns in Ireland, possessors of great wealth and fortune, it is my birthright to drink excessively today, as well as tomorrow. The House of Fly is dressed in green and the pantries are well stocked with stout, corned beef, potatoes and cabbage.

Dare I say, you don’t have to be Irish to enjoy this wonderful holiday. Immerse yourself in the splendour that is the culture of Ireland; get drunk and say something stupid.

All you other fuckers can go, naturally, fuck yourselves.

Cheers.