iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
16,527 Blog Posts

Trade Like a Caveman

In markets like this, it hurts to use cognitive thinking. Instead, you’re better off taking a large club (mouse) and start beating (buying) down stocks, in order to store them in your cave (portfolio).

With my money, I’m just throwing good money into a fucking “inferno of fun,” by shorting stocks.

With all of the bad news, the market barely budged. Fucking hilarious.

[[WM]], [[LEH]], [[MS]], [[MER]] and even [[GS]] should trade significantly lower over the next few months, much to Guy Adami’s chagrin.

All day, banana eating cavemen were just storing basic material stocks in their fucking caves, pushing up the prices of filthy coal and ag stocks.

I must say, the appetite for risk is abundant. However, keep in mind, investors always take toss ups, prior to a swift deballing. When the frothiness is apparent, most of the time, it’s time to sell short.

In closing, “The Fly” booked mild gains today, on the backs of [[WM]], [[SRS]] and [[SKF]]. Maybe over the next week or so, those fucking bastards in the [[SMN]] will start bending to my will.

Top Pick: [[SSG]]

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Fly Buys: SRS, SKF, SMN

I bought 2,000 [[SRS]] @ $90.08, 1,000 [[SKF]] @ $104.80 and 2,000 [[SMN]] @ $33.45.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, your only daughter will grow up to idolize Maria Bartiromo. And, you may lose money.

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Welcome Back to the Recession of 2008

I know many of you have been stuck in the go-go days of 2000. Nonetheless, it’s good to have you back here, in the present, in the midst of a fantastic recession.

As you know, the Fed is concerned about the recession, via their minutes.

Forget about a 2nd half recovery. It’s not happening. Right now, with the market massively extended, I’m warning you, take profits now, else lose a few limbs during earnings season.

See, when the economy slows down, companies warn of earnings deterioration. Right now, the market IS NOT pricing that in.

Ahead of numbers, I prefer to be flat or short the market, as the slowdown takes hold of EPS estimates.

I understand your fucking charts say “buy without fear.” Moreover, I encourage you to do so. This way, I can use your legs and arms to fuel my cash machine.

Developing…

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Position Updates: WM

As you know, “The Fly” is short [[WM]], from as high as $18.50. I read over the terms of today’s 7 billion dollar financing and it’s ridiculous.

First of all, they are pricing a gigunta amount of shares significantly below the market @ $8.74. Selling WM here is equal to taking on the arduous task of shooting fish in a barrel.

Once again, all of the private equity rumors were inflated. TPG anchored the deal, but only took down 2 billion worth of Wamu crap.

Additionally, Wamu will be forced to change the way the bank raises money. They will be forced to shut down all wholesale mortgage operations, and refocus on retail, in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

In other words, Wamu will never be the same again.

With all of the dilution in the stock, I like my chances of covering my short position, under $10.

iBC Call to Arms UPDATE: A staunch internet ally of mine, Howard, is up for some sort of mundane internet award, for one of his Wallstrip shows. Frankly, I do not care for much, with the marked exception of 2 1/2 inch rib eyes. However, I care a great deal about “mundane internet awards.” It’s one of “The Fly’s” weaknesses.

In short, go vote here tomorrow. Do it for Howard. Do it for your country. More importantly, do it for “The Fly.”

NOTE: Failure to vote for this important matter may result in the removal of your mustache, the next time you are drinking a glass of Merlot.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5d-lWyhy5M&eurl=http://www.howardlindzon.com/ 450 300]

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Really Bad News is Great News

It’s hard for me to explain today’s market action, since reason is absent from the pastiche. Maybe everyone is just reading charts and shit, saying: “yeah, look at that line Bob. Do you see that line and dot? Ooh, that looks sweet. I’m gonna buy right now.” Bob replies: “But Hank, what about Wamu’s ridiculous numbers or Alcoa’s swing and a miss”?

Finally, Hank adds: “fuck the numbers Bob. Look at those lines. Buy the lines, not the economy, goatfucker.”

In my head, that’s how two jackasses on the NYSE make financial decisions.

Enough of what I think. What is happening, whether you like it or not, bulls are throwing pies at the bears’ faces, then making a quick getaway on their tricycles.

During today’s session, there are all sorts of asshole dip buyers, out and about, going long everything, particularly “ag plays.” After all, there are plenty of hungry mouths to feed in China.

[[MVIS]] is pressing higher and actually looks good. I own a small piece, but nothing meaningful. In my opinion, the best time to buy the stock will be in September, 2008.

Finally, the IMF’s decision to sell gold should be ignored. They have no fucking idea where gold is heading. They’re just a bunch of bureaucrats. On today’s dip, I like [[DGP]].

UPDATE: Remix!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd-GNR0U7rQ 450 300]

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Let’s Rejoice

“The Fly” wins Final Four Contest, via popular vote (98% vs. 2%)

And, tomorrow, the Godly folks from iBC will celebrate their 2 millionth page view, since inception—AKA “Double Platinum Party.”

Invites pending. Bring your fucking guns.

UPDATE: Behold the iBC double platinum party video.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNvA0Sk4nok 450 300]

UPDATE II: Another iBC celebration video.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzXxmizTsig 450 300]

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The Alcoholics Lose Again

Look you little rustics, I don’t have the time nor the inclination to readily update you of my market mastery.

As you can see, [[AA]] shit the shower, thanks to their extreme ineptitude.

While it’s true, “The Fly” has given back an atrocious amount of coin, in recent days. It is also true, he has more than enough to go around and will be making a sharp comeback, sometime soon.

My guess, the AA news will spearhead the basic materials sector lower, thanks to “high energy costs.”

If not, then I’ll have to resort to extreme measures, such as small sacrifices or voodoo magic.

At the end of the day, the market is ripping higher on news that we are in the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. Sometime soon, sanity will kick in and send these bulls sea-worthy.

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Contest Over: “The Fly” Wins Again, by Default

Even though my [[WM]] short is being ransacked today, I still win the iBC Final Four contest—thanks to the curious absence of “Matt.”

Odd, no?

I’ll have you know, the stock God’s smile upon “The Fly.” In order to allow “The Fly” win this important contest, they probably put “Matt” in his local prison or something equally egregious.

Hence the term, “The Fly” wins all the time, even when he appears to be losing badly.

Festivities pending.

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