Positioning For the Consumer, This Spring

I sold out of UNXL and CRTO and started a new position in BBBY.

My wife spends endless amounts of money in that hell hole. I might as well recover some of my losses vis a vie a million dollar position in the depressed name. In addition to that, I am long MA, GNC and NUS, positioning, if you will, for a resurgence of the shopper, the guy holding twenty bags at the mall while his wife swipes his life away.

Let’s not forget my favourite and largest retail position of them all, the next YELP: SALE.

There you have it, my core thesis for the next quarter. I tried to withhold it from your mongrels; but you persistantly poked away at me, prodding me to “write MOAR”; and now you have it.

I added to my NUS position and took profits on some of my CRTO position.

I am certainly not going to let a little sell off get in the way of my lawful and god given right to unchecked hedonism.

I started positions in IMUC and ANGI. And, I added to my GNC holdings.

One sale is forthcoming.

When you get a chance, head on over to your local GNC and buy some whey protein. While it’s true, I’d rather be caught dead than inside one of those vitamin stores; that shouldn’t stop you from venturing off into it to allow some idiot sell you overpriced vitamins and supplements. I buy my stuff via Amazon. For those of you who are too lazy to buy something online and need to “touch and feel” your protein, head on over to GNC and buy a few gallons of the stuff.

VSI just reported better than expected results, which doesn’t exactly jibe with what the retards at GNC had to say. Either way, there is great earnings power at the Radio Shack of vitamins and I am betting for a resurgence this spring. After all, people are generally awkward and fat, in need of self-improvement. Just because you’re too snobbish and “experienced” to visit a GNC, that doesn’t mean that the layman Burger King advocate can’t find value there.

I am long and will add to my position.

Moving alone, I will reserve my commentary until I see this market trade. It can go either way. Nevertheless, you and I both know where it’s going, ultimately.

All day, my gains were so severe, so intense, I decided to walk about the office dressed in German garb, speaking with a very heavy bavarian accent, despite not having any ancestral links to the rhine of anywhere remotely close to Bavaria.

The market slid a bit into there bell. However, my gains in CRTO, SPLK, IFON, BLOX, NUS and EZPW pissed on the faces of those betting against me. I told you cowards “you’d rue the day when you bet against me” and now you know what I meant.

My next play of size is SPLK. Of course I love EZPW for their predatory lending practices, hoodwinking the under-class into hocking their family heirlooms for pennies on the dollar. And of course I love SALE for being the next YELP. But SPLK has the goods.

They are your go-to play for profiting from NSA surveillance on the American people. Scratch that: they are your go to play for NSA surveillance, globally.

Our good friend, GappingandYapping summed up SPLK’s business in a brief, yet eloquent, paragraph, emailed to yours truly:

The NSA uses Splunk $SPLK to index all of your data that they collect. Once this data is loaded into Splunk they can search for any term, metadata, date/time contained within this info and use that for correlation. Let’s say you are running for office in the Ukraine (or Amerika) and you post on Twitter that you going to see your sick grandma after work.  Your wife responds to you wishing her well. Those logs from Twitter are immediately loaded into Splunk with IP address (meta data). At the same time your “girlfriend” posts on Twitter that she is going on a date with her “boyfriend” tonight.  You are at her house posting from her IP address as is she.  Immediately the NSA can correlate those IP’s and determine that you are actually at her house and having an affair.  They soon leak this data to certain people and the story gets going and you get fucked.  This is how it works and Splunk is the core to hold all of this data and make it searchable with just a few clicks.  This big datacenter in Utah will use Splunk to index all of the data and at a heavily discounted cost of likely $300 – $1000 per gig that’s a windfall for $SPLK.

So as you can see, this quarter’s earnings for SPLK are immaterial. This is a long term proposition. With the shares trading at a paltry 35x sales, I reckon they are “cheap” in this world we find ourselves trapped inside of, particularly when compared to What’s App. If they continue to grow at 60% per annum, those same shares will be trading much cheaper this time next year. Hence, as long as the NSA is interested in your terroristic activities, I should be long shares of SPLK–and so should you.

Gute-Nacht

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIUY3PO4E0g

THE UKRAINE IS WEAK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzLtF_PxbYw

Nothing to see here, as discussed last week. I’ve made my bed and now I am laying in it, approaching annual highs, up 6% for the year. As of last week, I was fully invested; and as of Friday, I was 130% long, leveraged to the hilt, with a erect bias to the upside.

Top picks: EZPW, IFON, SPLK and SALE

There are so many weird, sick, people who leave comments on this blog, most of which you don’t see because they get banned or sent to the spam folder. There are thousands of comments trapped in moderation, thanks to The iBC Internet Laser Beam, whose sole goal is to seek out and destroy the mentally insane. Speaking of which, Alec Baldwin penned a terrific article in the New York Magazine today.

RFMD and TQNT are merging.

Uncle Carl Icahn is sabre rattling again at Ebay.

PANW beat estimates.

Things appear to be going swimmingly.

Gold is higher again and I expect stocks will trend higher. The theme is inflation and everything that goes with it. I believe it’s time to embrace the yellow metal, especially since Bitcoin has all but committed suicide at the top of Mt. Gox. I am not surprised to see gold doing well at a time when Bitcoin appears to be dying. The inverse was true last year, as all of the crazy people in the world sold out of gold and belly flopped into the choppy peaks of Mt. Gox, also known as Mountain of Cocks.

I can’t say that I’ve been the hardest working person I’ve ever known, at least over the long term. There have been periods in my life where I outworked others for nothing, resulting in crap results. One of my early mentors, who was blessed with an insane gift of gab, used to brag about “working smart” instead of hard. He was the biggest producing broker at the firm and could pretty much write his own paycheck.

On many occasions I’d work from 7:30am to midnight, desperately trying to get clients–which often ended in pathetic fashion. On other occasions, I’d work until noon and get three. The world is funny like that. I truly believe achieving success starts in the mind. However, sometimes the mind paralyzes the body, resulting in a lot of nothingness.

I once knew a person who was planning and plotting for success. He had motivational quotes on the wall, listened to Anthony Robbins constantly, and always told people his plans for rapid, unprecedented, growth. We all fall into that sort of trap, every so often. The trick is to not start believing the fairy tale. I’ve always found it more fulfilling to act, instead of talking. And if I wasn’t gonna act, don’t bother talking about it.

In other words, plan less and do more. It’s better to make yourself out to be a jackass by failing instead of never trying. The worst type of regret is the one rooted in inaction, the guy with the white board and goals, pictures of the fast car and million dollar mansion on his desk, yet takes an hour to eat lunch.

S&P futures are higher this evening.

As you were.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2A7nhjdbA8

You’ve made your bed; now you’re supposed to lay in it. Unless you’re super-retarded, you have a full boat now and shouldn’t have anymore buying power. Therefore, you are supposed to, theoretically, take it easy. Let the working class find solace in knowing there are people like you out there, not hard at work, taking it easy for the rest of us (extra Dude).

After all, it’s Friday and you’re semi-rich.

As for the young punks who litter the comments section: GET BACK TO WORK (three strikes from my whip). You haven’t earned anything and do not deserve rest. Work until your brains fall out, or until you can afford to spend inordinate sums of money on the stupidest things man has to offer–not because you want to, but because you can (I just spent thousands on custom air vents).

I am up more than 1.1%, thanks to CRTO and EZPW. As I chill, I hope many in the third estate head over to their local pawn shops to borrow against stolen gold necklaces and wedding bands, preferably at EZPW.

I leveraged up, uber greedy style.

I bought IFON, SALE, BLOX and GNC.

IFON is my momo play.

BLOX is my fundamentally cheap play.

SALE is my next YELP.

GNC is my “snow will eventually melt” play.

As of now, I am 130% long.

Ciao (the most annoying form of goodbye).