I’M A UTILITY PLAYER

It’s important to note that although I am still partaking in parlour games and gambling amongst the canaille, I am still anticipating a dark aged style decline in the broader indices. My largest position is XLU, followed by QLYS and then GDX.

I invite you to get your affairs in order and see to it that your offspring are inserted into the living will and testament. Those wives cannot be entrusted with money for any extended period of time. They’ll likely spend it all on hand bags and luggage.

In the event the Fed says magical things and sends stocks higher, I have 30 horses to take to the promise land. If in fact we head lower, I have several positions, along with ample cash, that will permit me to buy the carnage and isolate me from the bedraggled fate of the Third Estate.

QIHU announced a “going private” transaction this morning, a bid, mind you, from its scandalous CEO. We get these so called bids every morning. Hell, I might as well profit from it. I missed out on the sky-penis (DSKY); but I will not miss out on BITA. I am long BITA and looking forward to its very own “going private” transaction in the coming days and weeks ahead.

Markets are strong like filterless camel cigarettes today. I just bought some ARWR, sort of leisurely as I was making my way to the second course of my 10 course breakfast meal. I was sitting here laughing at Howard Lindzon’s grammatical errors and then it dawned on me that I should buy ARWR. Why you ask? I like how the ticker symbol sounds as it rolls off my tongue, especially when I am drinking prosecco. It reminds me of an arrow. I’ve always been fond of arrows. Someone told me they had some hepititis drugs too. As long as the stock goes higher, I will continue to own it.

Look you, I have a lot of irons in the fire, so to say. I realize that to you the stock market is a place of misery, one of wanton capital losses that has kept you restricted to an onerous blue collared lifestyle. But to others, the stock market is a like a personal counterfeit printing press. I see the money coming out from it. But I didn’t really earn it, per se? Not really. I mean, I just made $100k in the time spent writing this blog. Did I earn it, or was it simply bestowed upon me?

Thank you very much Sir. I’ll have another.

When Obama was elected in 2008, everyone on Wall Street said “oh well, the coal stocks are fucked,” sort of tongue in cheek. During the 2012 elections, at a time when Romney was up in the polls, coal stocks ran like canaries in the clean fresh open sky. After Obama won, I vowed to never buy a coal stock again.

The entirety of the industry is bankrupted, 100% thanks to the EPA. Now I struggle with this because I fucking hate coal, with every fiber of my being. I want to pelt coal executives in the heads with sharp coal digging shovels and blow up their harems with truckloads of their fucking byproducts. On the other hand, the good lads working in West Virginia, acquiring the black lung free of charge, will now need to find work elsewhere. Quite frankly, all of those people are too stupid to do anything else, other than pick rocks out from the mountains of Appalachia. And, by the way, “The Fly” never digresses, not even for a solitude second.

Perusing the masterpiece that is Exodus tonight, I am stunned by how fast and furious the dissolution of the coal industry has been. Once great names, like WLT, BTU, ACI and ANR, are now on the road to Valhalla. You should bear witness to this because it’s the beginning of the end of an ancient industry. A clownish industry that once tried to refurbish their dastardly product as ‘clean coal’, but now reduced to the ash from President Obama’s newport cigarette (extra menthol).

Now it’s just stupid coal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqAlMItkV44

Today is the reason why I opted for cash-utilities-gold when placing defensive positions. We do not go down. Dips have been very shallow. Inside of Exodus, all short duration algos are extremely sensitive to any market sell offs and immediately flag oversold. The results have been flawless and it’s a fools errand to try to place any size on the short size.

My swap of CYBR for QLYS yesterday and subsequent add today has netted superb results, thus far.

Banks are ripping heads off, retard strong. My SBNY presses its gains on a daily basis, as does PANW, BX, BID and many others.

All in all, life is a soliloquy of harmonious symphony, ebbing and flowing through this gilded age of excess. The players come and go and the background decor changes with every passing theme. Hobson’s Choice is presented on a daily basis for market participants. If you’re interested in making money in the stock market, you’re either long equities or not in the market at all.

Oh fuck this shit. The FBI is investigating the St. Louis Cardinals for hacking the Houston Astros? If this doesn’t scream out GET LONG SOFTWARE SECURITY STOCKS, nothing does.

I added to my QLYS position and still hold decent size in RDWR and PANW.

For the day, I am up 0.25% so far.

I sold out of the remainder of my HDP position, in order to clean up loose ends. I have a tremendous amount of cash now, so I added to my XLU position.

Reason being: it’s down 3.5% over the past two weeks and I think it can swing around to the tune of +7%, should the markets sell off. At present levels, XLU offers a unique risk/reward ratio, especially considering how low the beta is on it.

My maximum acceptable drawdown for this is -5%. Either way, I don’t expect it to move too much in either direction.

My only tradable high tech positions are QLYS, RDWR and BITA. They will offer me beta, where XLU comes up short.

I think this is a peasants market, deserving of a lashing or two about the gibbet.

I was delighted to see Portuguese, Italian, Greek and Spaniard yields higher this morning. It made me pine for the days of 2011, whilst on vacation on a fucking island, getting my skull kicked in by the market–thanks to the sovereign debt crisis. Greek yields are spastically inverted, now yielding a tad over 29%. They don’t have money to go to the bathroom, let alone fund their retarded government to the tune of $1 billion per day.

The Germans really got fleeced this go around. They will need to balance out the scales later on, through another fucking world war.

Moving on, my apple laptop broke again. First it was showing my pretty lines, line on a Fendi bag (no homo). Then it just self-destructed, like an Inspector Gadget note. This is the 4th time this fucking laptop crapped out on me, typical shit in my life. I can never simply enjoy life without some hardship imposing itself on me. I will now have to lug this piece of shit into the apple store and talk to one of the bipedal primates there, walking around in blue t-shirts.

Futures are lower. I don’t think the market is buyable yet. As a point in fact, I am fairly certain Greece defaults this time and you’re all gonna soil yourselves from over-exposure to capital markets at a time when it was least appropriate to do so.

I kicked out of my entire CYBR position for a huge fucking win. I did it after one of my urinal shadows warned me to “never look a gift horse in the face twice.” I heeded this advice and with some of the proceeds, I started a new position in QLYS.

I’m Papa Giorgio motherfuckers, big into software and things of that nature.

I have it in me to do triple digits this year, now up 31% for the year in a flat-fucking-tape. I’m embarrassing the lot of you, quite frankly.

Some of you like to handicap your inabilities to find up stocks through leveraged ETFs. You do this, along with cutting losses at 2%, because you’re over-churning pikers who are without religion, uninitiated, hucksters about the internets. I do this shit for real, good and the bad–all on display for the world to see. Last year I shot myself out from carnivale cannons in a display of grotesque depravity, booking heinous losses. This year, I’ve nearly made them all back, on my way to new all-time highs, which in turn will enable me to buy new things and partake in new adventures–all the while your fat head bobbles about the dinner table over a plate of beans.

I am up 0.4%, not because I got lucky or a few things broke my way. Not at all. What is at play here, lads, is Darwinism on a grande scale. Based upon DNA evidence, I can firmly tell you that I am your superior being. As you get your brains racked about with losses, my largest position, CYBR, continues to hit new highs.

Why is this occurring?

It’s elementary, gents: it knows that I am long. Ergo, it is higher.

What are you to do now?

God willing, you will continue the rapid pace by which you are losing money, permitting me with the opportunity to buy your shares in liquidation. Remember, I have 15-20% in cash, fully expecting the market to collapse. Also, I have lots of XLU and GDX for outlier events. I want Greece to collapse and the people in Athens to storm the government buildings, demanding justice.

By the way, my RDWR and PANW positions are also higher. I have a lot of irons in the fire, so to say.

Is the market going to bounce from here?

Absolutely not.

Should you sell to protect assets?

Absolutely not.

What should you do next?

Permit Fly the opportunity to buy your shares through margin call liquidations.

Top picks: CYBR, XLU, GDX, cash

The Federal Reserve is going to hint at a comically bad idea this week: a September rate hike. Sure, what would go wrong with tightening during the worst month of the year, for the past 100 years? I am sure the markets will not be delighted by this news. More than that, Greece is 100% fucked, just like the Game of Thrones franchise after last night’s despicable finale. They need to stop following the books, for its author is addled with a number of mental ailments. After all, he’s from Bayonne, NJ. Ever been? A fucking disgraceful town.

When I say “time to take out the barbells”, I mean your pair-trades, long this/short that. Hedge yourself, but keep long exposure just in case. Let’s not forget we’re in a bull market. Any declines can be met with irrational buying, so try not to get too bearish in the short term.

My barbell is cash-gold-utilities and long 30 stocks with CYBR being my largest holding. I am prepared, and willing, to lose 10% from current levels, before I opt to get aggressive with my cash raising efforts. I just think the market will struggle for another week or so and then careen higher again, as has been the case for the past 5,000 years.

Also, in the event Exodus spits out some high probability oversold signals, I will certainly act on them and take a trade or two–maybe three.