iBankCoin
Home / Uncategorized

Uncategorized

Happy President’s Day!

I slept in late today. Being that today is not a school day and the exchange is closed, I found no reason to wake up bright and early just to entertain a few malcontents on the internets. Last night I watched Homeland and was bemused to see a 4 Chan troll choked the fuck out and nearly killed by a mentally ill, former CIA, deep state anti-President.

On this President’s Day 2018, we should all thank Donald Trump for his gracious leadership in helping to provide the environment necessary to propel stocks to new highs. More than that, we should all thank him for the endless hours of vivid entertainment, excitement boosted by real fears of nuclear war, and an overall sense of happenings — the likes we haven’t seen since Reagan seized power back in the 80s and menaced the Soviet Union with his military apparatus.

While some of you might take the job of the Presidency serious, causing you to worry about the MUH future of America, trust me when I tell you — Donald Trump will have zero affect on your future.

After he leaves, healthcare will still be in shambles, deficit a mess, sovereign debt load unsustainable, and our CIA will still be operating as its own sovereign state by unelected faggots.

European markets are down today, anywhere form 0.3% to -1%. Our futures are slightly lower — but oil is up. More than that, bitcoin and other cryptos are strong.

Expect a healthy market tomorrow, highlighted by my extreme shit-talking, and verbose swearing, amidst elegant prose, and fanciful capital gains.

Comments »

You Have Two Hours to Live, What is Your Last Meal?

NBC just interrupted your regularly scheduled program and have announced that Russia got sick and tired of DC and decided to wipe out all of Americans. You have approximately two hours left to live and have access to any food or dish on the planet.

What do you eat?

NOTE: If anyone says peanut butter and jelly, you will be executed.

Comments »

Here Are the Top Ranked Stocks in Exodus; My Generosity Doesn’t Have Boundaries

I’m exhausted trying to contain the new dog, because she has heart worm. There are two options: crate the dog and be an evil dog owner, or limit her activity and make sure her heart rate doesn’t increase for a prolonged period of time. As you could imagine, with 2 small children and another dog, that’s an extremely hard thing to do.

This being a slow news day and all, I’m posting the top 10 technically ranked stocks in Exodus.

Enjoy

IOVA
MRTX
HLG
WVE
HHS
COLL
CERC
XTNT
LOV
ACER

Comments »

Bitcoin Has Blasted Off Again; Fly Gets a New Dog

BTC is above 11k this evening, in comfortable evening trade. I just got back from a dog adoption center, taking in my second dog. This one is a little rough around the edges and wants to eat my domesticated dog. Right now I am trying to acclimate the new dog to the house. We gave it a warm bath and fed it some food — but she’s been through a lot and is extremely malnourished and isn’t very sociable with members of her own species.

If any of you dog lovers have some quick advice, let er rip.

The fact that cryptos have lifted off again, now above $515m in market cap, I feel confident, once again, in a bruising rally when shares open up for trade.

At any rate, the snow is starting to come down pretty hard here and I have my hands full at the moment.

Any of you miscreants see Black Panther today? From what I gather, it is the best movie to have ever hit the silver screens.

Comments »

Mueller Indicts Russians; Markets Rally; Mueller Doesn’t Indict Russians; Markets Rally

Any questions?

You fuckers have good leads. You know the market is gonna trade up no matter what. Sure, every once in a while you’ll be raped by an ETN going to zero, or a CNBC expose showing what a scam crypto proxies are — but that’s part of the beauty of investing.

After all, you cannot have joy without first experiencing extreme levels of pain and agony.

Earlier today, Mueller indicted 13 Russians for shit posting on the internet — in an attempt to disparage Hillary Clinton — a true American patriot. Mueller outlined, in great detail, the lengths of depravity these Russians took, traveling throughout the country like a circus act — attempting to elect Trump.

On that news, stocks dipped, but now they’re coming back. Should stocks dip again, you’d be wise to purchase them. If you do no purchase dips, perhaps one day a Fly Administration will investigate you for crimes against America — subverting our capitalistic system through wanton acts of aggression against share prices. Your name might be posted online and your employers contacted. You might be publicly shamed and humiliated. You might even lose your job.

Courtesy of Exodus, here are the winning sectors over the past two weeks.

Comments »

I LOVE COKING COAL

President Trump is firing on all cylinders — making America great again. Part of this plan is to boost our steel industry by imposing harsh tariffs on inferior and very evil (believe me) Chinese steel. By doing this, the price of steel can be great again and metallurgical coal companies can thrive.

Nothing says ‘Merica like metallurgical coal. It is beautiful, big, and definitely fantastic.

So, because I like the MUH charts, and because there is a fucking breakout underway, with steel stocks sliding like wet bodies on vaseline lined vinyl, I stepped in and bought some CLF here.

For the sake of my sanity, just know that all purchases are 5% weightings. If I buy twice, then it’s 10%. When a stock or a fucking volatility ETN blows up and goes to zero in the after-hours, I can only lose 5-10% of my equity — because that’s how adults invest. We do not partake in river boats gambles, unless the game in rigged.

Markets are +150, oil is strong, as well as dollars. You have no reason to complain.

Comments »

CNBC Takes Aim at $RIOT — CEO Sketchy AF

I sold RIOT in the pre-market after watching this video.

Investigating Riot Blockchain from CNBC.

It was a 5% position, as all of my positions are, and I hated losing money on it — but let’s be honest here: that CEO is sketchy as fuck.

It’s worth noting, CNBC will follow up on this story at 10:15am, which is likely to send shares even lower.

No one is surprised. We just wanted to ride the wave a little while longer. Sometimes the party ends early and you end up with vomit on your sleeve.

Comments »

SHIVER ME TIMBERS — ME SHITCOINS HAVE EXPLODED AGAIN

During the day time I am a very nice manager of money/profound, award winning, blogger and author. I am both charitable and intelligent. But at night time, whilst the rest of the world are fast asleep, I am a demon SHITCOIN trader — furiously exploring the Binance platform in search of fortune.

Some of my toils have come home to roost recently, with an explosion in price in three of my SHITCOINS.

INS

ELF

STORJ

Early going, Dow futures are +80, commodities are firm, but SHITCOINS are energetic.

Encana upgraded to Buy from Hold at Societe Generale
Campbell Soup sees FY18 $3.10-3.17 vs $2.98 Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; sees -1% to +1%
Kraft Heinz misses by $0.05, reports revs in-line
Coca-Cola beats by $0.01, beats on revs; guides FY18 EPS above consensus
MuleSoft upgraded to Overweight from Neutral at JP Morgan
J.M. Smucker beats by $0.34, reports revs in-line; guides FY18 EPS above consensus
Deere beats by $0.11, misses on revs; guides Q2 revs above consensus; raises FY18 revs above consensus

Comments »

ZERO of You Trollops Can Fuck With My Chart Game

Check this out. This stock right here is going to beat all of your stocks tomorrow, and more. You might pretend to know how to pick stocks. Hell, you might pretend to think that you knew XIV would blow the fuck up — but you didn’t know shit. You’re all a bunch of water carrying faggots — getting banned on blogs and what not. What sort of life are you leading when you’ve been reduced to an insignificant pleb getting banned on websites?

Just today, for the first time in iBC history, I had to fire someone from Exodus and ban him from our confines. We’re living in an era of peak mental illness — weak men addled by insecurities because they’re too scared or insignificant enough to live the life they always dreamed of living.

There are two types of people in this world. There are people who draw charts like this:

And then there’s people like this:

See you in the morning, eyeball face.

Comments »

Taking Another Floater into the Bell

I bought some RENN into the bell — rounding out a day that involved closing out hedges and buying more shit stocks.

The highlight of my day was a breakout in KODK. One should expect extreme upside in those shares in short order.

Dialogue is irrelevant here, as the market is in full retard mode to the upside. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand the short trade is nothing short of sticking your balls inside of a glory hole. Sure, you might strike gold — but you’re more likely to have your balls bit off by a rabid dog on the other side.

Energy took a breather today, so expect that sector to run higher tomorrow.

Top picks: KODK, FTK, RIOT, and KODK

Comments »