Several months ago, I had an unnamed member of the iBC board monitor many of you, especially those participating in the Blogger Network (@ibc_bn). Since the redesign of iBC, I’ve ceded control of the content of this site to you, the people, to do as you like. Between news (@ibc_fn) and blogger network posts, myself and the think tank/legendary tabbed blogger apparatus has been relegated to a very minor role in this blogging experiment.
During the annual iBC dinner, this topic, AND MORE, was broached. Unanimously, the board of directors of iBankCoin despises all of you, begging me to “take action quickly” and send you to the “cellars”, cordoned off from the rest of society. However, as ally and dear friend, I defended you, suggesting “give them another chance because things will get better.”
The gentlemen of iBC left the annual dinner with half smoked pipes and heads filled with anger, steaming from the state of affairs at iBankCoin.
This afternoon, news arrived at my desk, a full report, detailed and comprehensive, from that unnamed board member who was tasked with monitoring you. It is a very bleak read, indeed.
“sporadic posting, skimpy, no attempt to build readership, very mediocre overall”
“no charisma, lets his blog go stale, mediocre drivel”
“lets his blog go stale and even when active simple portfolio updates every few days with some media”
“simple portfolio updates, no kind of analysis”
“all politics, terrible”
“mediocre content, very high maintenance personality not worth the trouble even if consistent poster”
“lacking charisma, no consistent reader following built up, very plain vanilla overall”
“mediocre content, tries too hard for style that comes off as very unnatural, dilutes the major iBC blogs by attempting to mimic”
“simple portfolio updates with very little, if any, actual analysis of market & positions, not up to iBC standards or anywhere close”
“tries way too hard to mimic “The Fly” style–dilutive to iBC brand in that regard, insufficiently focused blog posts”
“nice guy but just cannot get any kind of readership, tries too hard for style points”
“ALL politics, No market. Outside the scope of iBC, terrible”
“terrible, makes a mockery of financial blogging”
“funny commenter on main iBC blogs but not much of a blogger in his own right, insufficiently focused writing, scatterbrained, cannot even capitalize a title”
“lets his blog go stale, decent if he could be consistent but looks to have thrown in the towel“
Mind you, this is just a small portion of the report. When I said “we are watching you,” I was not jesting.
Effective rather immediately (or tomorrow), the iBC cognoscenti, equity partners of the site, will take back what is rightfully theirs, by law. The front page of the site will be reserved for the gentlemen of iBC (crowd filled with plebs bursts into uproar, angry over new law). The news and blogger network will be relegated to their own respective pages and not the cellars, like the board recommended. I fight for you even to this day!
It’s important to remember, more than anything else: I am the Blog Father, ordained in the fires of the market, raised and bled in the vagrancy of Brooklyn, NY. The message is clear: mediocrity will no longer be tolerated at iBankCoin (angry board members stand up and applaud, shouting “here, here” while stomping canes into the ground). I am taking this site old school, real old, when the primary focus was about making money, not giving a fuck about traffic stats or keeping up with the IT homosexuals from San Fransicko.
With this stick, I offer you a singular carrot. As the blogger network gets superannuated to its own page, away from the iBC board, I am going to pluck one of you out, to become a staff writer, given “tabbed blogger” status, and possibly invited to an annual dinner one day. There are several of you who exhibit rare talent and should be given a bigger stage. My advice to you all is to deport yourself with a dignified air and bring your A game when pen goes to pad on iBC, with respect to grammar, punctuation and most certainly accuracy of market calls.
I bid you good evening.