Hey kids. Along with some free government candy corns, how about buying some bank stocks? We can take your 401k’s if you don’t listen or cause you to be paralyzed from the neck down. Play nice and buy some banks, or we will kill you.

Hank Paulson, U.S. Bailout Chief, Goldman Sachs

Hank Paulson, Bailout Guy, U.S Government, Goldman Sachs

Hey people. There is no moral hazard. Our financial system is the envy of the world. Do yourselves a favor and go buy some bank stocks, especially Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] , or we’ll kick you out of your homes (we own them now) and kill you.

Hank Paulson, U.S. Fannie Mae Debt Manager, Goldman Sachs

Hola amigos.

Estamos teniendo un partido más de aquí. Venga unirse a nosotros mediante la compra de unos bancos de las existencias, o lo matan a usted.

¡salud!

Hank

NOTE: For you English speaking type, translate here.

Hank Paulson, U.S. Government Fannie/Freddie Buyout Team, Goldman Sachs

Hey assholes. I’m over here getting the stuffing knocked out of me with these banks. Help a Government brother out and buy some already. Will ya? By the way, Fannie Mae is well capitalized; but we’ll buy them out anyway and stick the shareholders with donuts, or just kill them.

Good talk.

Help?!!*

Hank Paulson, U.S. Bankruptcy Department, Goldman Sachs

Assholes. Like Nike, just do it. Buy the banks or oil will go to $1,000 and you will die.

Hank Paulson, U.S. Banking Bailout Team, Goldman Sachs

OMG, You guys are dicks. You, you must buy a little [[LEH]] and [[WB]] in the morning, else we’ll poison your tap water and make the icebergs melt.

Hank Paulson, U.S. Banking Crisis Team, Goldman Sachs

Dick. We are big buyers of Fannie Mae. I suggest you do the same, or we’ll kill you.

Hank Paulson, U.S. Government Fannie Mae Buyer, Goldman Sachs

Thank you for your service. You are all great Americans. Enjoy the cheddar cheese and shrimps.

Hank Paulson, U.S. Banking Rescue Team, Goldman Sachs 

Hey assholes. Quit worrying about Ambac and MBIA and go buy some bank stocks. We got it covered. All buyers of bank stocks will receive free shrimp and cheddar cheese. And, you may be able to win a flat screen tv.

Remember, we can kill you through bad food, medicine or pollution.

Government UPDATE: I remind you, both Ambac and MBIA are AAA rated.