Category Archives: Asshat of the week award
These stupid shits thought they’d fuck with Howard Schultz, a man born in Brooklyn, because they paid for some dickass lab results that showed “high levels of pesticides” inside of Teavana’s tea. Howard Schultz pisses on your lab report. He shits on it.
Fuck a bag of rocks, Glaucus. This recent spate of stupidity has brought short selling boiler room sites like theirs to new lows. They’re now trying to interfere with mergers and acquisitions via ridiculously stupid means.
Question for Mr. Glaucus:
Do you think Mr. Schultz gives a shit about the organic properties of Teavana’s tea or do you believe he bought them for their footprint, brand and distribution?
Any ape with an IQ above 80 would agree that canceling a deal based on some pesticide report is absurd. Therefore, any reasonable person can only conclude that Glaucus, with the help of certain person(s) on the television, have purposefully issued these reports in order to recover some of their losses, following SBUX’s takeover bid. One can only assume they are working against the best interests of their readers and attempting to profit from media driven fears.
Did you really think SBUX was going to pay attention to what some stupid shit, on some unknown website, with regards to THEIR MERGER?
For that, amongst other things, Sir, you are the recipient of an Asshat of the Week award.
Listen to them prank calling Teavana stores, like Jerky Boys, thinking they’ve made some biological breakthrough.
NOTE: so many asshats, so little time.
What is FCX fucking retarded? I apologize for waking you up with such profanity, but these fucktards are bidding for a company (MMR) that was on its deathbed because their big oil project is likely a dud. Hey, but that didn’t stop the assholes over at FCX from doing ANOTHER deal, on the same fucking day. Like women in a shoe store, they decided to buy PXP too, because that’s what pimps do.
As a result, FCX is down more than $5, fucking their shareholders for pagan Xmas, like nothing I’ve seen before.
Everyone on the teevee seems to be rather “meh” about the whole thing, pointing to stupid tax advantages.
THE COMPANY JUST EMPTIED ITS FUCKING COFFERS FOR A PIECE OF SHIT and another company that is bound to suffer under a difficult Obama led EPA. They probably bought MMR because the name sounds like theirs. Stupid shits.
FCX is a short because copper and gold isn’t good enough for them. FCX is a short because the company is led by asshats.
I realize that your network panders to self-aggrandizing CEO’s of banks, treating them like Caesars, groveling over the likes of Jamie Dimon, Pandit and anything Goldman Sachs. Coming from the industry of finance, I can tell you without equivocation, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE C LEVEL JERK OFFS that you bow down to.
The resignation of Pandit should not stream across my teevee, reported by your stupid network ad nauseum, all-fucking-day-long.
You report on this resignation with such energy and passion as if it meant something. From Bartritomo to Cramer to that fucktard Pisani– all of you are guilty of wasting my fucking time. Shares of Citi are down 90% over the past 5 years. Pray tell me, WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE ABOUT CITI?
I want you to tell me why 75% of your programming, on a day when the market is soaring by 125 points, is based around the fucking resignation of this guy!?
How about talking about the bullish trend in the rails or bankruptcy of AONE and how it might affect tonight’s debate? How about talking about the sudden and extreme decline in OSG or the break-outs in a number of tech stocks?
HOW ABOUT YOU TALK ABOUT COAL AND HOW IT IS A ROMNEY PLAY?
Are you even interested in educating or informing your fucking viewers, or slobbishly content with just pandering–sucking the dicks– of these fucking pig CEO’s who pay themselves with the blood of their shareholders?
SHAME ON YOUR HOUSE.
I tried to keep the Asshat of the Week Award (AOWA) dormant, in order to preserve the institution. However, this fucking interview with the RIMM CEO.
Becky Quick, long term interviewer of the old crusty one, Warren Buffett, could not have done a worse job with the prick from RIMM. I want you to appreciate the fact that RIMM lost the smartphone wars because their management was incompetent. Stubbornly, they stuck with the stupid physical keyboard, instead of the iPhone touch screen technology that Samsung stole. The result: RIMM is heading for the trash heap of once great companies gone bad, joining the likes of NOK, EK and AMD.
THEY FUCKING DESTROYED THE ENTIRE COMPANY!
Instead of pressing the CEO of RIMM, Becky decided to praise the virtues of the physical keyboard. Really? It’s equal to interviewing the CEO of betamax, circa 1993, and telling him how awesome it was compared to VHS. It’s like praising the rotary phone versus digital, incandescent lights over LED, big ass tube(d) teevee over LCD LED, beeper over cell phone, Burger King over Five Guys, Lycos over Google, Shoprite over Whole Foods.
Very pretty, but ASSHAT!!!
It’s tragedy, then joy. It’s tumultuous sadness, then frenzied elation.
Mr. Greenberg aka “The Grinch”
Okay, this has been irking me all day long, ever since I saw, much to my chagrin, this fucking retard spew bullshit on CNBC this afternoon, regarding OPEN. Look, if you want to talk shit about OPEN, say its p/s or FPE ratios are out of whack, just like the perpetual short CRM/AMZN crowd have been whining about for, oh I don’t know, 300% of upside now. But DO NOT go on the teevee and disseminate lies.
Brad Safalow, fucktard who writes for none other SEEKING MOTHERFUCKING ALPHA, as well as his own hovel Please Act Accordingly.com, claims Yelp and Urbanspoon are ardent and hard charging competitors to Opentable. Really? Are you sure about that pal?
Dated 6/3/2010 on Yelp’s blog:
If you’ve followed this blog long enough, you know that many of our product features are driven by user feedback. You probably also know that restaurants make up around 29% of the reviewed businesses on Yelp.
What you didn’t know is we’ve been hard at work integrating OpenTable into Yelp so our users can book reservations with ease. One click and BAM! It’s that easy. Logged in Yelp users are now able to easily book a reservation using this feature and you don’t need to have an OpenTable account. Already have an OpenTable account? Groovy! If you used the same email account to set up your Yelp and OpenTable accounts – you’ll automatically receive credit to your OpenTable account, for your reservation — no need to log into both sites. We’ve got your back.
You fucking imbecile, Yelp is a partner of OPEN‘s. And, to top it off, the only relevant website that could ever threaten OPEN‘s dominance, Tripadvisor.com, have a partnership as well. He claims two other absurdities, during Herb “The Short Sellers Favorite Conduit” Greenberg’s softball interview, such as Urbanspoon being a competitor and get this: PEOPLE REVERTING BACK TO THE OLD FASHIONED WAY OF BOOKING RESERVATIONS, VIA CALLING THE RESTAURANT!!!!!
You cannot make this shit up. That’s like saying the internet is a fad or electricity will soon give way to the pleasures of wax candles.
First of all, people aren’t going back to the “old ways” Brad. And, lastly, Urbanspoon has booked just 50,000 seats, from a grand total of 150 eateries, since inception.That’s like comparing Joe’s Corner Coffee Shoppe to Starbux. Perhaps you should take a gander at OPEN‘s latest milestone, dated yesterday:
OpenTable seats 200 millionth diner; diners have spent approximately $8 billion at partner restaurant (85.21 )Co announcs that it seated its 200 millionth cumulative diner during the first quarter. Diners seated via online reservations through OpenTable have now spent an estimated $8 billion at partner restaurants.
On earnings call, LEDS mgmt says the see a sustainable gross margin range of 44-46%… Mgmt noted that they are experiencing pricing pressure that they did not see a month ago. They said this is primarily due to a customer moving to a competitor, due solely to better pricing. This quarter, the company will remain focused on new high performance products, and improving pricing power. They expect to produce an additional 10 mln chips per month from the Taiwan facility, doubling capacity… During Q&A, when asked about which competitor the customer went to, mgmt says there is only one competitor producing high performance LEDS like they do. Says the loss of the customer was in Taiwan… LEDS is -34% in the pre-mkt, currently trading -33% at 19.18.
Watching a replay of tonight’s Fast Money, I discovered a man well deserving of the Asshat Trophy. The “King of Russian Equities,” proclaimer of all cheap things in Asia, Tim Seymour, disclosed he was long my enemy, [[FXI]] , in a most egregious fashion, if I might be so bold as to say so.
First of all, the name “Tim” gets no points with “The Fly.” In the 32 Godly years being alive, I have yet to meet a man/woman named “Tim” that was not deserving of an “apple pie sandwich” to the face.
Anyway, Tim, from Seygem Asset Management, was rambling on about how much those Chinese bastards are liars (I am paraphrasing), while acting in a very “cocaine-ish” type of manner, if you know what I mean. Tim said many great things about how gay the Chinese market/economy is and was, much to my delight. I’ll have you know, “The Fly” was warming up to this Tim guy, while wolfing down junk food.
However, in an odd twist of Chinese fuckery, something that cannot be explained using the laws of modern science and/or reason, he (Tim) then proceeded to disclose (in a very deliberate slow motion sort of way) it might be “worth a shot” (again paraphrasing) getting long China in huge gay ways (paraphrasing, yet again), down at these ‘tard levels. Then some little breaking news flash thingy raced under his name, disclosing he was, in fact, long [[FXI]] .
(Gasp for air)
I stopped eating my potato chips. Suddenly, I became enraged with the joy of knowing that sometime soon, I would relish in the opportunity of destroying this man named “Tim,” with all of my frantic/over caffeinated might and superior intelligence quotient, without ever having to meet him—which is mildly “chagrinful.”
See, young lads, I shall buy [[FXP]] (the opposite of FXI) until the “white flag of certain surrender “is perched upon his ass backwards Russian automobile. I shall rub it in, mind you, until Mr. Tim shaves his full head of hair off, due to extreme shame.
There shall be no quarter given to this man, even if he happens to legally change his forename to something other than “Tim;” he shall receive the ever ominous, yet risible, black flag.
Oh, and he also gets an Asshat of the Week Award.
This evening, some internet friends and I met for a ’round table discussion’, regarding the important matter of the criminality and brazen individualism of the one named Kenneth Fisher.
This man, who is world famous for his mentally unbalanced commercials on Forbes and The Street.com, is a great destroyer of American capitalism and fiat currency and/or faith in mankind.
His funds, as you readily know, are getting assailed, lambasted mind you, to the tune of 30%+ this year, yet he has the fucking nerve and gall/audacity to make public statements regarding stocks, giving advice on crisis management. Is he fucking kidding?
This man needs to be stopped and arrested on charges of conspiracy to destroy the American idiot investor, via low end, yet hypnotizing internet commercials. They are quite good, you must admit. I insist.
Howsoever, Ken is full of all sorts of nugatory data points.
In short, it’s men like Ken Fisher and Bill Miller that make Wall Street look like a place where oversized clowns, with large red noses, get fired out of small cannons into fields of stringed beans. It’s almost as if us Wall Streeters have been reduced to 30 second comedy skits on the Jon Stewart show. This vexes me to no end. I say to hell with these pikers. String them up and seize their assets. Let’s send them to Nike sneaker factories in Thailand, where they can get kaned to death for taking 16 minute lunch breaks.
Speaking of which, as many of you know, I have a bone to pick with “The Commodity King,” Dennis Gartman. I know some of you fuckers love that cretins newsletter. But, let me tell you, anyone with the cannon balls to nickname himself after an entire asset class is a fucking asshole. End of story.
That’s like me saying: “I am the King of all Dollars, master and destroyer, commander of the legions of coin and currency.”
UPDATE: Speaking of douchebags, check out this new Fox business commercial ripping Cramer. Classic.
All of the men you see above are asshats, albeit for different reasons, but asshats nonetheless. In some shape or form, with exclusion to Saddam Hussein (Saddam always gets an asshat award, no matter what), all of the asshats feautured above ruined the world and torpedoed the average investor—with great vigor.
I can elaborate as to why Vikram Pandit and Ken Lewis should be in prison for 30 years and why Dick Bove should get the electric chair (ol’ sparky); however, I am busy now and do not have time to fuck around with assholes on the internet.
Just know, they all deserve what’s coming to them and more, with exception to Saddam Hussein, since he already received the gallows.