iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
22,270 Blog Posts

Extending One’s Lifespan is Bad for the Environment

A few years ago at the onset of COVID I gave up drinking in order to have a healthier life. I boasted about it here on the blog about how quitting made me feeeeeel better and how clear minded I was as a result and a long laundry list of “benefits” that had escaped me all these years. In hindsight, quitting drinking was overrated.

I once chanced upon a documentary that discussed the horrible things humans ingest and as a result — I went on a year long forlorn journey into dairy free, vegetarian, and even gluten free diet. With the benefit of hindsight, that was an idiotic diet.

Long ago I quit drinking coffee in favor of tea. I felt coffee was the preferred beverage for vagrants everywhere and bought myself a nice fancy tea set and had tea parties like a dandy. Looking back on that, I know now I was an moron.

We are whispers in the wind, being carried to and fro — leaving nothing but memories behind. The never-ending plight to extend this gift is what causes people to buy tonics from Victorian Era salesmen, or inject ourselves with vaccines for really scary viruses. We don masks and “clean” our hands with gelatin alcohol substances that creep into our bloodstreams and wreak havoc on our organs, all because of wanting more. We wear wigs and change our teeth and inject substances into our faces and receive knives to the face by experts who make us look younger, because sex.

“Here lies Fucked For face, died healthy as fuck, a vegan and gluten free — hadn’t consumed a glass of milk since 2010 — bereft of tasty alcoholic beverages since 2015 — looked incredibly young and vibrant — dead dead dead.”

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10 comments

  1. purdy

    I wear a mask when on the internet. But because you stubbornly refuse the vaccine, I have to double-mask when reading IBC.

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    • roguewave

      You’re putting yourself at grave risk by not also wearing a faced shield.

      I prefer moderation in most things, coffee, tea, booze, including excess. I do draw the line at parasite-infested grasshoppers and crickets – which includes all of them.

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      • purdy

        Cricketes cooked well …no problem.

        Anyway, one could speculate that the WEC cricket advocates are considered by their consorts to be the “softees”. Soft in that they’re looking for a way in which us billions could sustainably survive. Perhaps there are others who have more pleasant ways than crickets …but I am quite sure that still others are looking for ways to kill most of us. I suspect Klaus is a cartoon distraction put forth by the “kill most of us” faction.

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  2. soupbone

    Confident here that stress and booze will have negated any possibility of ending in a care facility. Going down boots on.

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  3. macpatton

    The only time to quit drinking is when you think about buying a bottle of vodka

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  4. john galt

    Haha thanks for a great Sunday read. Couldn’t decide on which comment to reply to, you guys are all awesome. Nicely done

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  5. s.k.

    Just when I think you’re a fucking numbskull you go and post this. Well said.

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  6. dchanko

    Dare I believe that the existential angst Fly is back?
    I do hope so.
    Loved the epitaph… could add “gave himself and aneurism while frothing at the mouth about tranny bathrooms”

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  7. txchick57

    DeMark buys ringing in on VIX. Suggest you join me in obscenely large UVIX position. You might live longer.

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  8. donnie wads

    You are probably old enough to have watched George Carlin riff about the benefits of swimming in toxic waste…

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