iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
22,167 Blog Posts

Happy Father’s Day Men

In a depraved society, such as the one we are living in now, it’s important to praise the patriarchy whenever possible. Whilst it’s true, there are many evil men out there who partake in wanton acts of depravity; there are also innumerable men out there who make the society a better place — productive, well meaning, thoughtful and caring men.

I’d like to raise a virtual toast to all of the men who decided to breed and raise like-minded, well meaning, and thoughtful children — because God knows that’s exactly what the world needs, more than ever.

On this Father’s Day I intend to move packages to the new home, toiling hard, leaving barely any time to breathe. I might also play tennis, although I doubt it. Nevertheless, I’ve already raised my children and they’re all out of the house and/or in college now.

As a veteran father there are numerous things I would’ve done different if I could turn back time. For the young father’s out there — here are some tips.

DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS USE SOCIAL MEDIA, NONE, ZERO
DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS PLAY MORE THAN 2HRS OF VIDEO GAMES PER DAY
FORCE THEM TO READ BOOKS
DO NOT LET THEM QUIT SPORTS. KEEP THEM IN AS LONG AS YOU CAN
DO NOT BECOME THEIR BUDDIES. YOU ARE THEIR ROLE MODEL. PRESERVE THAT RELATIONSHIP
MAKE SURE NOT TO DISAGREE WITH SPOUSE IN FRONT OF THEM
PRIVATE SCHOOLING
CHORES, LOTS OF THEM.
STRICT SCHEDULING (meals, outings, school) — MAKE SURE THEY UNDERSTAND THE VALUE OF TIME
TAKE BOYS TO PARTAKE IN OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES
DISALLOW DEGENERACY OF ALL SORTS — MOST IMPORTANTLY RAP MUSIC AND WOKE PROGRAMMING
VISIT PLACES OF WORSHIP REGULARLY, EVEN IF YOU YOURSELF ARE AN ATHEIST
NEVER USE FOUL LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF THEM; NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU DOWN AND OUT
SHOWER THEM WITH COMPLIMENTS

Happy Father’s Day Gents. Enjoy the day.

PS: Fuck all of the men who gave birth the past year.

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7 comments

  1. tha pirate

    Aye Cap’n – sage advice! Happy Fathers Day!

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  2. metalleg

    Happy Father’s Day Señor.

    I agree with you on most but I successfully raised three children, all are out of the house, gainfully employed, well adjusted, right thinking, good humans.

    I definitely didn’t follow everything on the list but I don’t regret it and don’t think I would have done much differently if I knew then what I know now.

    Bottom line, it’s not an all or nothing thing.

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  3. john galt

    Happy fathers day, outstanding list that starts out with the important ones and keeps firing! Home schooling with those values is is the goal, just make a good human.

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  4. purdy

    Good list, but tough list to live up to …I particularly lament my role model shortcomings.

    As for schools, the kids who most need public schools to be awesome are those kids who have shitty, irresponsible, pierced, woke, Ukrainian-flag-waving, vaxtard, leg-spreading parents. But I agree in that I’d now send my kids to private school (and that is where my grandkids are going), but public schools must be made awesome for the good of us all. Hopefully the tide will turn.

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  5. lastbid

    For the first time since ever I agree with the author.
    Now dont ruin it and stfu

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  6. duuude

    Accountability

    Consequences

    Responsibility

    Work ethic

    Love

    Family

    Outdoor sports

    Reading

    Worked for three sons

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