DO NOT FEAR LADS — THERE IS MORE GAINS TO BE HAD AND ENJOYED

We look around us and nothing but cinders. The world is crushed into black smoke and shards of metal. But straight ahead into the light of our screens is a world of wonder and fantasy. The stock market is lush with rolling hills of green grass and wild strawedberries. Fellow traders gallivant naked with hands filled with berries, skipping merrily into what appears to be an active volcano of magma.

We ignore the volcano and try not to look at it — because SDGR. Nevertheless, it’s still there, a menace, gray and billowing black smoke. At the center of the volcano, at least from what we’ve been told, is another alternate world where markets never rallied from 666. It is hell and we want no part of it. The rolling green hills of naked traders and wild strawedberries will do just fine.

Into the bell, I am turning my back to the volcano and gazing into the castle straight ahead, built from pink marshedmellows and guarded by homosexual unicorns. I will be just fine where I am.