iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
16,233 Blog Posts

Jesus Has Risen; Time for Stocks to Come Alive

Good evening, Easterfags.

Did you enjoy your day stuffing your fat faces with pasta and pork? The pastel colored holiday is one of my favorites, due to the weather and laid back nature of not having to do much other than eat. Last night we hosted a few people, played some cards, and drank a few gin martinis — ate a few birds.

Quick pro-tip: when hosting card games, be sure to lose most of them. If you go about winning too frequently, your guests will think you’re a wholesale asshole. Last night I lost 30 games in a row, only winning on the final hand — like any true gentleman of distinguished qualities.

As I type this now, I have a rib roast in the oven with root vegetables — eagerly awaiting to be drowned by a red wine gravy. I am particular about my gravy — as it must have fresh herbs and stock — properly filtered as not to possess any of the said herbs upon serving. In life, there are few things when the details are worth minding — food and drink are two of them. One of my better qualities is an ability to see details, down to the subtleties that often go unnoticed. I find there is a significance in just about anything made with care — an artful expression that should be appreciated.

I know these sentiments fall upon deaf ears — as most of you are banal, knuckle-dragging, miscreants — accustomed to teevee dinners and crafted beers. I cannot change any of you. More to the point, you can’t change yourselves either. Understanding the essence of living, having an appreciation for the finer things in life, takes a certain genetic disposition — disqualifying most to base lives amongst the bottom of the pyramid — relegated to a life an indecorous booze hounding.

Enough philosophy.

Now through June, stocks should start to get busy and really ripping heads off to the upside. All of my broker friends will be banking extreme coin — while I toil away on the computer like a typing monkey. I have my portfolio positioned for EXTREME GLOBALISM. I’ll be shilling so hard over the next two months, my neck might break from the whiplash. I do believe we are overdue for a truly great rally — a very big, very beautiful, very big rally.

Believe me, when I get done with this market, you’re not gonna know what hit you.

Peace and happiness on this Easter evening — iBankCoiners. Tomorrow we skin some bears alive and burn their estates down to cinders.

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29 comments

  1. vandamme

    What brand gin, Sir Fly? Any other tips for making a truly distinguished martini?

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    • Dr. Fly

      Can’t go wrong with Hendricks. I prefer blue coat for citrus undertones.

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    • Dr. Fly

      2 parts gin, 1 part dry vermouth, which makes a wet martini, preferred with gin.

      3 olives and 2 teaspoons of brine to make it dirty.

      Shaken until frosted.

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  2. BenCBrainard

    Your friend Raul citing Exodus says otherwise.

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  3. uglyflint

    Nothing better than a Hungry Man Salisbury dinner washed down with a six pack of Busch Natty Lite on Easter Sunday.

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    • ironbird

      Without a doubt pure genius. The Hungry Man is the worst. But anything is better than nothing on Easter Sunday.

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      • uglyflint

        Amen brother Bird. Was joking around a little bit, but you’re exactly right.

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  4. bushwacker2

    I feel sorry [not really] for the “value” players who have been waiting for cheaper prices. They are most likely going to get locked out (yet again) from entering this this next phase of the rally going into May, by their own choosing.

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    • bushwacker2

      We will always have the poor with us. But it is up to each of us as individuals to do what we can to alleviate the hardship and suffering around us, through our freewill; not by government compulsion or mandate or public shaming, but rather through willing hearts and out of a thankfulness for our personal prosperity.

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  5. heaterman

    And yes, He is risen indeed.

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  6. roundwego

    Fear is growing

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  7. masteroneass

    Blow Off Top then let the sucker tank. Group think and action all hands on board. The algos must be destroyed because computers do not decide markets for humans. Just ask United Airlines. The balance sheet must be corrected. Interest rates need to rise. The stockmarket is the perfect tool. Bears are disliked, however many made quite a very good return going JOHN PAULSON style. One must choose to create a perfect union not the perfect fairness or utopia. The greater risk always lies in appeasement and we are trying to create the perfect union here not for our enemies which is something we have been doing wrong for a long damn time. Think about that for a second. This site subtley highlights this fact better than any other and Dr. Fly is a genius in his own right. Maybe Peter Schiff or the Bear Jew can explain better. Sometimes the red pill must be swallowed. M1A.

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    • bushwacker2

      Interest rates will not rise because it is not in the best interests of the U.S. government, which must continually finance Trump’s ambitious agenda for the next 4 years. If the Fed can get away with it, they will never raise interest rates. Ever. Eventually, in the future [I don’t know when] we will have a global crisis of epic proportions, but just maybe not tomorrow.

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  8. dmfracer

    Hard to spot any real reasons for a sell off to continue. Dr. Copper is rebounding and even China is bullish on growth.

    Sure, there’s a looming government shut down at the end of the month, and an election in France, and even WWIII (I prefer to refer to is as The Greatest War) – but those things are traditionally mis-direction to get everyone short and bearish before ripping markets higher.

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    • bushwacker2

      Emotional sell-offs never make for a lasting pullback. We go higher this week.

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  9. roundwego

    Credit cycle needs to reset as the casino is full of dead beats. Subprime auto cdo?

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  10. ironturd

    This is the top right here. Laziest bull macro argument possible, couched in offensive condescending political language and complete dejected cynicism. Trump gave into the deep state so therefore stocks should now go up? Get back on the ark Trumpfag.

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    • Dr. Fly

      There’s a reason why you’re an unemployed antifag and I have 7 figs in the market.

      Stick to the peanut gallery and refrain from offering financial advice please.

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      • ironturd

        The hypocrisy of this entire enterprise is mind boggling. Whether you’re shilling for Trump or shilling for the deep state neocon Trump make-flip-flopping-great-again 2.0, it’s bullish either way? So what exactly is the difference maker?

        It’s been an unstoppable bull market, with the biggest gains in tech names with great stories, all of which you have most carefully avoided, instead focusing on investing emotionally week to week into catchphrase-friendly macro-themes to keep readership engaged and fuel your political tirades.

        This feels like the cartoon political network side project of a cynical ex-fund manager. There’s value for sure, what with contrarian indicators, OA and exodus oversold signals, but you share more with Milo Yiannopolous and Trump 1.0 than Bobby Axelrod in my book.

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  11. Po Pimp

    Point of contention, according to Best Korea we eat birds on Tuesday.

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