Coming soon to the friendly confines of iBankCoin, ChessnWine will be offering a premium service, at a lite price, recapping the previous week of trade and looking ahead. It will be published and/or emailed once per week and will be very comprehensive, useful to all men and women who take pride in knowing things about the stock market.

Chess highlights what the new service will encompass.

 

1. The price action of the prior week of trading, with a brief recap.
2. The leaders and laggards of the market.
3. The psychology of the market involved at the moment, including analysis of sentiment.
4. Emphasis on managing risk and all of the potential pitfalls relevant to the current market, such as navigating through earnings season.
5. Objective technical analysis largely using price, volume, moving averages, and candlestick theory.
6. My current market posture and how to best express that opinion through portfolio allocations and trading discipline.
7. Potential scenarios that, if they materialize, would change my current market posture.
8. Key price levels to observe on the major indices.
9. My best long and short trading ideas for the week ahead.
10. A relevant and significant quote or saying from a legendary trader, such as Paul Tudor Jones.

Bottom line: more than a thousand of you are PPT and 12631 members: I appreciate your confidence and business–as always. This new service will come at no additional expense to the gentlemen who are already members of the 12631 league. Consider it a sneak peek into the ongoings of 12631, for the uninitiated, averse to making longer term commitments, scared to subscribe to premium services. You will have the ability to join on a weekly basis, cancel when you like, while eating iced cream–if you so choose.

Knowing Chess for several years now, I find myself thoroughly impressed with his market acumen and work ethic. He is a consummate professional, who goes the extra mile for all of his members, without committing felonious acts of rage–while high on fucking bath salts, and such.

Providing the stars align in their proper places, this service will be available for purchase on Friday.

It was a nice day in my neighborhood today, thanks to robust and powerful market gains. Common thinking dictates we head lower from here. The rally has been too much, too quick. However, that is the very reason why I love stocks here. It might end up biting me in the face (no bathsalts); but I am willing to take risks while up 21.5% for the year.

Today was all about pressing the tire to the helmet, crushing shorts trapped inside liquidity traps. Should this rally continue, the lot of you will feel as if Knight Capital ran the most egregious errant buy program ever. Because of that specter, I like my chances long VHC, TEA, CTRP and EXK.

The losses you are going to endure, small plebs from Seeking Alpha, will be of the medicinal nature, teaching you the balance of the earth and human intuition. You will take these lessons from my own hand and carve it into your memory, to avoid reoccurrence in the future. You will hate me in the short term. However, longer term, you will owe me your life and livelihood.

For that, I am more than accommodative to dispatch you here, burdening you under the pressures of elephantine losses.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVbCmkNxNbE

IT’S TEA TIME BITCHES.

Tea will trade higher over the coming days and weeks ahead, based upon the caprices of the celestials drinking their beverages.

VHC is NOT the new VHS.

Virnetx is the largest holding in “The Devil’s” portfolio. Betting against him usually results in something evil happening to your net worth. All of you clown-fuckers who are short, will feel the heat soon.

EL is NOT just for chicks and homosexuals.

Real men, such as myself, own EL in size and hope to make great fortunes off the transvestite population spending habits. Also, it’s worth noting, all of the males on CNBC use their products to cover up blemishes and to colour their faces for the cameras.

EXK is a case study in mathematical precision.

This has been plucked out of the pits of tar by The PPT, chosen for its undeniable and sublime compliance with the laws of mathematics. In short, it’s going higher.

Move over Chipotle, a JACK-ass is in town.

Americans love to take Mexican land and eat their food. As a result, shares of CMG have soared in recent years. Well, the good folks over at JACK are opening Mexican eateries called QDOBA (sp?) faster than you can say carajo. Americans will eat at such fine establishments in grotesque numbers. It’s going higher.

Lastly, I am saddened to report YELP is at my average sale price now and looks to be taking off. Out of all of the social networking stocks, YELP is the best. You shouldn’t bet against “The Fly” because he knows his shit. I am not delighted with the prospect of seeing YELP gap higher like this, without my monies deposited into the shares. Hopefully the bastards from Seeking Alpha will pen another “hit piece”, declaring YELP to be nothing more than a mafia driven extortion ring, allowing me to get back in.

Where are the assholes when you need them?

All of you are probably wondering how the annual iBC meeting went. I can only share minute details, as the meetings are categorized as “classified.” The meeting was held in the butcher room of an undisclosed NYC steakhouse. In attendance was: Cain Thaler, Ragin Cajun, Woodshedder, GappingnYapping, Jakegint and wife, Scott Bleier and wife, ChessnWine, Chuck Bennett and girlfriend, Vincenzo Illuminati (ibc’s famed IT guy) and myself and Mrs. Fly.

We discussed the destruction of all nerds who dwell on the internet, as well as those who’ve treated us poorly. It is not unusual to unmask myself to people that I’ve grown to trust and respect. I look forward to meeting with many of you in the future. Perhaps next year’s guest of honor will be you.

Moving on, the markets are poised to trade up because there isn’t any fear, since policy makers have made it abundantly clear that they will not accept a down-trending market. It’s a very bad time– indeud– for my friend Zerohedge, and those clad in blue blazers–waiting for the revolution. But it isn’t time yet, as there are plenty of Knightmare’s on Wall Street yet to come.

To be clear, I don’t like the mainstream media, that includes the hucksters at CNBC. What we do here on iBC is against the interests of those who sit with all of the power and influence. It’s an underground movement that rattles the foundation of the clowns, dressed up as businessmen, on the teevee–purporting lies and propaganda– as all dishonorable sophists do. You can’t have it both ways, pal.

You’re either against what they stand for, or you’re a guest talking head offering rubbish for advice, perfumed and covered in make-up for the cameras.