Since my move last week, things have gotten a tad out of control at Casa del Fly. For starters, Mrs. Fly is out of control to the upside with spending money. It’s like she’s Greece and I’m Germany, if you catch my drift. I am only interested in war and building catapults to destroy the occupancies of my new neighbors, while she exchanges pleasantries with the people next door and donates money to every hound who knocks on our door.
Thanks to the fact that she gave away most of our old furniture before the move, I now find myself in the most enviable position of having to spend $5,000 per day for the foreseeable future to repopulate my house with wood. Also, she’s hired two sets of cleaning services, taxing me about $1k per month. She procured the new “Fort Knox” package from ADT ($3k), a fucking box that transforms into a bed ($600), steam cleaned all rugs (even the rugs we are pulling up to put wood floors!). The list goes on and on, infintum.
Plus, we haven’t even started the major renovations, with regards to painting whole interior, flooring, bathrooms, extensive trim work, coffered ceilings etc.
But what really pissed me off is my fucking “state of the art” irrigation system, which must’ve cost the previous owner $50 to install. I just had it serviced yesterday and today the fucking lawnmower guy had his Mexicans driving around on their mowers, having a grande old time, eating up my hunter head sprinklers. They don’t cost a great deal of money. As a matter of fact, their cost is almost free. However, I found out too late in the evening and my haunted house of a yard got too fucking dark for me to get in there and repair the fucking things. So, now I will lament over the specter of my new lawncare “professional” eating my sprinklers heads all night long, as the fucking wolves, deer, owls, and whatever the fuck is out there, piss on my irrigation system throughout the night.
50 Responses to NONE OF THIS IS AMUSING
Fear not, the werewolves and coyotes will scare off the smaller varmints.
“I am only interested in war and building catapults to destroy the occupancies of my new neighbors, while…”
Welcome to the Blind Read Ant life. Ain’t it grande!
In Re Wife:
Might I suggest a segregated, off-shore, undisclosed “negative-asset-preparedness” plan?
(READ: socking YOUR money away for bachelorhood parachute ejection hatch protection).
(Shit, I hope there’s no ban for that).
Hey man, at least you’ve got an irrigation system. Of course, with the impending water shortage on the horizon, to join the corn shortage, things could get ugly. If nothing else you can shoot the deer and eat deer meat, washing it down with a nice merlot.
Every many should have this:
I am on back order for a couple of these:
What are you a battery groupie?
How dare LeFly make such a charge!
2- 30 watt panels?…lol
seriously pray for no clouds. you need to quadruple that number to recharge in a reasonable time frame, add 4 to 6 deep cycle (boat batteries) hooked together and a couple of invertors. THEN, you would have something to fall back on when the solar flares pop the grid
Rest assured it gets worse. We moved last year about this time into a similar situation. Custom reupholstered antique chairs, a 20×16 persian rug, oak hardwood in the bedroom and office, a fucking new dining set and about $20k in other ‘new house’ related expenditures later, and that list is still growing.
I have been ripping goddamn carpet up until my finger tips bleed and choking on drywall dust for the past month. Apparently, I am scheduled to be putting tile in the bathrooms this winter.
At least I wasn’t long PCX and now living at the bus station, eh?
I would never do the work myself. I know I can do it, as I’ve seen these monkeys do it for years. But I’m not interested in manual labor.
20×16 rug. WTF!!!
That must’ve cost you a pretty penny.
I get a little particular about how things get done and don’t have much patience for contractors. I don’t mind paint, I don’t mind wiring, I don’t mind hardwood but i will eat a glass sandwich before I do fucking carpet and drywall again.
Handmade rug. What a fucking waste of money. My dogs sure seem to like it though. We got off rather cheap. They had this 60 year old silk rug that was something like $80k. I liked the one we got from overstock.com just as well.
I find it therapeutic to build things.
Perhaps it’s feeling the pain of the a priori v. post-priori experience.
It also builds wisdom of negotiation in low-balling mechanics and artisans for leaseholds.
All the same, since I’m not in the $80,000 Persian carpet bracket, I part ways quickly… .
For the record: the opposite of a priori is a posteriori.
C’mon Fly embrace the wildlife, take up photography and post the scenic pictures throughout your humble abode
Remember when you posted about the market? That was cool
I remember when you drunktardedly tried to pick up a sportscaster chick on national TV. That was sad.
Chase those birds.
ADT? Really? There are better options.
They are all the same. It’s $30 per mo.
Fucking iPad crashed and erased my brilliant fucking solutions to your problems. Fucking etch-a-sketch.
If you can’t get floors and paint done well before school starts, schedule now for a break when you can move to a hotel. It can be hell.
Our landscape guys do irrigation and mowing, so they pay for what they break. Standard for high end landscapers around here. I’m sure it’s the same there.
We love the pair of hawks, the fox and deer who live on our property. Gotta keep up with pest control and plant shrubs deer won’t eat near your house to reduce Lyme disease risk, though.
And if you have any extra money left and want an expensive daily chemistry experiment, don’t forget to add a pool with the heater and cleaning system.
With all the pain, it’s still cool to have your own Gretsky House.
Fly, went through it last year and still finishing the job *back splash still not chosen), actually one was. It was installed then ripped out the next day.
All the flooring came up, need to add sub floor so that all the hardwood 3/4″, cause i am going to live that long, and porcelean tile could be installed.
dont forget all new door hardware $75 a throw, new solid wood doors.
In fact just had a disagreement with my “pal” this evening that the house isnt finished yet!
Pave your yard while you can. I am seriously considering it and I am about 1 acre. I figure I can use it as an impound lot or something.
No deer as I am in the city, just every other creature.
Pave a fucking acre? Are you mad?
That’s a tough hypo.
You will go BK trying to dump all that concrete if you one day change your mind on ~212 squared feet of concrete.
I’d talk to City about a fractional dedication (e.g. mini-park) for a permanent tax assessment reduction.
You know they have this grand thing called lights… Marvelous invention, it’s like daylight at night… Even outdoors!!!
I live a simple life, like the Amish, and only use candles as light.
Torches work as well. You can probably get a good deal from any debt-ridden European country of your choice.
Torches would be marvelous. The Fly, stomping through his house in a cape, lit by torches.
My opinion: I love wildlife and respect it, but wildlife and humans should stay separated, in their own worlds as best as possible. So, a fence is the thing to do. While they are still in your yard, do not feed them, and avoid any contact that could result in a bite. I live in the woods, my girlfriend feeds the raccoons, and it is a huge hassle. Believe me, you don’t want to let your place turn into a zoo. That does not mean kill the animals, just prevent them from getting into your yard as soon as you can.
Never start feeding raccoons. They will burgeon and eventually you have to quit feeding them, then they die off.
Wait until the bears decide to go food shopping in your garbage cans. That should make for a good post.
Kind of makes you long for neighbor Steve again, doesn’t it.
My town has the audacity to ban irrigation systems because they think more water is used. I still use mine though. I set it to go off at 3 am so no one sees it. If the mowers are damaging heads then they are sticking up too much…should be flush with the ground
And they’re cutting the grass too low
The joys of home ownership and remodeling. Been thru it twice – once with a wife, once after being divorced. Guess which one was faster, cheaper and turned out better?
Did anyone hear how AAPL or CAT did last qtr?
if you do a pool, go for a saltwater one, almost 0 maintenance
Fly, be proud in the thought that you’re almost singlehandedly propping up the economy. Perhaps Friday’s GDP numbers won’t be so bad after all.
Why no comments from anyone on VHC poster child?
Who needs QE3 when we have Mrs. Fly.
Hilariously done, sir
I think housing issues are your best canvas. Truly enjoy your writing.
Hilsenrath now reporting that Mrs. Fly just emptied Mr. Fly’s checkbook. Market surges on the news. Mr. Fly, not so much.
Several suggestions Fly. When you put in the hardwood floor, put an extra 1/2″ subfloor first. Bigger water lines everywhere. Fuck tile and put in Corian or similar surfaces everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Did this 15 years ago, no regrets.
Your stories of home ownership are what I look forward to every day!
Nymph’s Take on Market so far cuz Home Improvement bores me……Looks like German Ifo missed and UK GDP missed also. That story about ESM Bank is the only thing out there that appears to be helping Spainish/Italian bonds at the moment, the WSJ article appears to not being the catalyst that it has been before. No merit in the ESM Bank story cuz Draghi isn’t on board if its even legal…the Eur/usd rally should fade soon along with this rally attempt imho. For AAPL, going to 404ish.
A mysterious surge in ads for sprinkler head armed guards now being reported. Deer hunting experience noted as a plus.
For a top tier blog, there hasn’t been any posts for the last 10 hours save for Cronkite and “Beam Me Up” Scotty … What gives?!?!
Market not responding to Mrs. Fly stimulus spending. The Bernanke calling Casa de Fly for more FE.
My experience with a major home remodel, aka, East Wing addition (3500 sq.ft. livable with >$1million added to basis over 18 months) is that the “punch list” of all the details that are incorrect at the end gets very long and very diverse. And these details (dinged paint next to the downstairs toilet, dinged wood molding next to front doorbell, small ripple in paint next to toilet paper roll), unless fixed, make the Su Casa look low-rent, even with, coffined-ceilings, Italian marble countertops and 1000 sq.ft. faux-finished walls. That diversity prevents the swift reconciliation of the issues, as the electician needs to come, then the plumber, then the carpenter, then the electrician again, ad nauseum…
Eventually, tha contractor has received the majority of the money from you, and he starts to do a cost/time benefit analysis: is it worth it for me to haul my ass (or pay my carpenter to haul his ass) into Wealthville again to fix all these little things or would I be better off starting a new job and telling LeFly to stick his tophat up his ass and keep the remaining cash?
Only remedy: withhold a large enough portion of payment to compel them to keep coming back… but it gets tough b/c they like to bemoan throughout the project that they need money to buy materials, pay subs, etc. and that they have no other money coming in since they are “totally dedicated” to your project, blah, blah, blah… their arguments stink of equine excrement, but prove, nonetheless, quite compelling as you do a 360 and take in the view of the demolition zone that your home has become. And then there is Mrs. Fly standing there with that, “are you really going to negotiate when I’m doing dishes out of the bonus room’s mini-bar sink?” look on her face… so you write the check.
Advice:tell him that the last 20% will be paid in cash upon total job completion. Once the bid is accepted, actually show him the cash, housed within a metal, firepoof attache case, preferably handcuffed to a man with in a non-descript suit complete with sunglasses, earpiece and bulging left lapel.
Contractors like cash.
Bury the sprinkler heads deep, top of the head even with the dirt, below the sod if possible or they’ll snap off every time a mower rides over them.
Cheap heads and joints will crack.