MIKE PIAZZA IS A COWARD
“The Japanese economic minister all but said the government is manipulating stocks and would like to see the NIKKEI at 13,000 within a few weeks. Why, that’s only a 17% lift from here, in the world’s 3rd largest economy. “
“What the hell is going on here? Have people lost their minds, all at once?”
Wall Street is Minting Coin Again
“Don’t be that guy, the homosexual at the cocked-tail party who proclaims doom and gloom is upon us. Even if it were true, no one wants to hear it. Successful people are attracted to positivity. It’s too hard to get the short trade right for the average millionaire, whose sole interest is to outperform the S&P. If that’s your stated goal, look no further than the asset managers”
“90% of the “hard part” is showing up and not doing anything stupid. I am avoiding outlier stocks like the god-damned black plague. I want nothing to do with a stupid stock that can’t go up in the midst of this lunacy. If your portfolio was down today, shoot yourselves in the freakin’ head.”
“The fact of the matter is, as the Chinese build phantom cities to keep their pathetically poor vagrant farmer class content and away from the pitched fork, the Japanese are living a life of luxury, with unemployment in Japan at its lowest level since 1999.”
Housing is About to Take Another Leg Up
“There is no better way to play the housing recovery than wall board. Warren Buffett knows it and will likely buy the remainder of USG, keeping its future profits to himself.
Why don’t you?
Get your heads out from the pickle jars and buy a house.”
IT’S TIME TO SHUT YOUR BIG, FAT, STUPID, FACES
“A pathetic man once said “officer, some man in a black cloak just walked in here, with a giant bowling ball, and threw it at all of us, knocking us into the back of the lane.””
Intent on Milking the Stupid Farmers
“We are now in the planting season, small men reading the internets. Last year farmers received rail spikes through their stupid faces, thanks to mother nature bestowing dust bowls upon their property and livelihood.
To be clear, nitrogen and potash are going to be needed in great quantity this year, to stave off catastrophe. Yields need to be better this year, else prices are going up again. The Chicken Gods and King Obama will not like that.”
“Panic is our #1 enemy. It is the very worst characteristic of man. It makes us do things we would never do under normal circumstances. When panic sets in, our brains turn off and we transform into cavemen, cannibals even, fighting for survival like stark raving mad lunatics. Pray tell me, if the majority of man believes in God and the afterlife, why do they become so desperate to save their lives?”
“The point that I am trying to make is– don’t limit your horizon to the view from your window. Sure, the volume stinks and not every sector is ripping. But we’re steadily climbing higher, while volatility and bonds get crushed. This is the proverbial sweet spot of investing.
From refiners to airlines, there have been countless winners. Find the next winner, or at least try your hardest. I know I will.”
The Gentleman’s Guide to a Happy Valentine’s Day
“Remember, once you discard or divorce your present valentine, you can always execute a “claw-back” and resell the diamonds for at or near cost.”
“Old man Buffett is buying ketchup. He’s a cynical type. Perhaps the government will begin inserting drugs in our ketchup, in order to maintain a docile mob. Either way, I think it’s fair to say mergers and acquisitions are back.”
“If I was on that ship (“The Fly” doesn’t travel on cruise ships, but privately owned aircraft carriers), I’d sue CCL until every single member of their counsel died. I’d sue them for the rest of my life, for an unprecedented amount of money. With the wins, I’d take the money and short more CCL–until it hit $00.00.”
IT’S OFFICIAL: CARL ICAHN IS GOING TO DESTROY BILL ACKMAN
“What’s more dangerous than a 76 year old man with $15 billion in the market, hell bent on putting you out of business? Let’s face it, Carl isn’t going to quit. He just made $600 million saving NFLX; now he’s going to place Bill “Mars Attacks” Ackman inside of a “Brazen Bull” to see him cook–ever so slowly.”
ANNOUNCEMENT: “The Fly” is Making a Big Bet
“With today’s buys, I am now at a record 140% long, meaning I am heavily levered to the upside. I am putting my money where my mouth is, foot firmly pressed down on a gas pedal inside of car made from dynamite sticks–headed for the sun. I intend to maintain a constant and belligerent state of warfare against all sellers, good and bad, until tax day.”
