An Update on The iBankCoin Games
“At the outset of joining the ranks, I sent the interim bloggers a web page to track their blog’s traffic in real time. Well, according to the web page, assembled by BEAS himself, all bloggers are upholding the minimum 3% threshold. On most days, some of them even capture 4 or 5%!”
“According to Google Analytics, none of them are even close to 3%, thereby and effectively leaving them exposed to the very dangers they’ve been trying to avoid since 12/15/12: they shall be fired.”
“BEN MUST ACT NOW and bail out the market. We aren’t supposed to endure a downward spiraling tape, are we? The nerve of these politicians, as they dine on caviar and the brains of goats, to expect us, the people, to suffer unimaginable horrors at the hands of short sellers.”
All There is Left is Bitter Agony and Suffering Now
“With whatever I have left, I intend to buy some property in Romania and start a small “farming village,” eventually taking over the central government and appointing myself “King”, monarch of the world, before marching on neighboring states–demanding they pay tribute.”
America Is High Off Marijuana Stocks
“As the market struggles to hold value, degenerates dressed in clothes made from hemp are bidding up the shares of bastard companies, whose sole goal is to put a pipe filled with marijuana into the hands of your sons and daughters.”
“I will be looking to reinvest the money when the coast is clear. Consider me to be a savage animal, lurking in the tall grass, waiting for an injured zebra to devour. There are so many delectable animals to eat. However, I prefer the ones who are weak and out of favor.”
“Keep it simple.
I am heeding my own advice and keeping it very simple. I do not need to scour the markets, looking for ideas. I know exactly what I want to buy and at what prices. It’s unfortunate to be sidetracked by stupid stocks like NIHD–but that’s what happens when you stray off the reservation.
Chief Fly is staying on the reservation and intends to scalp any and all white men who step on my ancient grounds, trying to take what is rightfully mine.”
Finding a Sharp Edge to Jump From
“Out of the thousands of stocks traded, don’t you think it would be useful to know what stocks correlate best to a market bounce and precisely what sectors and stocks outperform most?
This is an obsession of mine. I don’t always play the stocks I gawk at, even though I probably should since the stocks I talk about most (APKT) tend to outperform the one’s I actually own.”
The Art of Winning While Losing
“A short while ago, I purchased NIHD, based upon the concept that the lowest form of sub-human would flock–MIND YOU– to their local Brasilian nextel dealership to buy a phone, now that Apple has been beaten dead. This turned out to be one of my stupidest ideas ever, as the stock wallowed–MIND YOU–down into the oblivion of misery.”
“The Federal Reserve has answered our prayers and given the market the shot of adrenaline it needed. We all needed it, after yesterday’s dreadful market crash.”
“For the first time in ages, I am pleased with my Federal government, taking action against the perverts at S&P. First of all, they shouldn’t have downgraded the United Steaks. That’ll learn them. And secondly, they fueled the housing bubble with fraudulent ratings because their customers wanted AAA.”
“Hot money bought the stocks for a pop and when they didn’t get it, they sold. The core fundamentals are still there, which is why USG is my second largest position. Keep in mind, before you know it, the summer months will be here and the warm, balmy winds of black Africa will produce hurricanes of revenge and scornful death, delivered by way of Poseidon to kill the descendents of slave traders– inside of their lavish trailered homes.”
Rumored New Energy Secretary, Ernest Moniz, is a Nuclear Bull
“If solar stocks can triple in price, I see no reason why uranium, nu-ku-lar, can’t have a brainless run on some positive sentiment. Hell, the coal country rejoiced over Romney poll data for a solid 6 months.”
“We’re gonna raid the bears’ citadel tomorrow and pillage them, cut their heads off and make soup from their brains. It’s horror show trading for short sellers, no way out of the world’s dumbest companies in existence. They had the ball rolling downhill early, only to have their balls slices off late in the trading day.”
It’s Time to Go Deep Southern Fried Chicken Smart
“Such genius, such japery of the human intellect, can and will be found– exclusively– in the deepest, most southern, part of the interwebs: Chartpin.”
“I know the globally warmed winter has spoiled you with balmy weather. But tonight you are going to be reintroduced to a blast from the past, Old Man Winter. He lives in Boston, apparently, and he’s going to bury you alive.
By this time tomorrow, your towns will look like Pompeii. Instead of hot lava pouring down on your towns, incinerating everything in it, the exact opposite will occur.
EVERYBODY IS GOING TO FREEZE TO DEATH BY WAY OF THE ICICLE.”
“We all gallivant (some gallivant more than others) around town, looking for the next AAPL. But while we juggle pinless hand grenades, the asset managers steadily progress higher. In my opinion, this is a no-brainer, low risk trade, in a bull market. You might be a horrendous stock broker; but there are highly successful people in the field of asset management.
Feel free to suck from their tits (female) and ingest their milk (no cow).”
