Best of “The Fly”: 1/26-2/1

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The Best of iBankCoin This Week: 1/20/13-1/26/13

IT’S TIME TO BUY MORE NOW

“Make believe you’re all crack addicts, or maybe even heroin, and buying stocks is the only way to stop the shakes. Call your brokers up, frantically, asking him to “get you the good stuff now” because “you got to have it.” If he questions your sanity, tell him “the frisson of excitement has given you the foresight to take what is rightfully yours.” Then proceed to burp loudly and curse him out as if he were a street prostitute trying to take your money without giving you a proper blow job (absolutely no homosexual).”

The Ultimate Anti-$AAPL

“You want olde school? I am going to give it to you.

Over the past month we’ve all seen shares of NOK and RIMM soar, as AAPL dropped like a stone. The stock exchange, in its infinite wisdom, has declared the Apple fad to be over, in exchange for crappy cellular phone devices–built by sub-standard engineers.”

In Search of Intelligent Life

“There is nothing amusing about being a log headed moron, might I add. You should take offense to your own ignorance and take corrective measures at once.”

Three Refinery Stocks That Have Been Overlooked

“Domestic oil production is on the rise. Global oil supplies are at risk and the EPA will not permit the pipelines needed to properly transport the oil to ever be built. So the end result is pricing power like we’ve never seen before for the refiners, literally stealing money right from your purse.”

DON’T MISS THE HOUSING TRADE!

“It’s simply a matter of mathematics, as America’s population increases, the need for more homes increases. We should build over 1 million homes in 2013, up from 750k in 2012. However, to get to a normalized market, we need to get up to 1.5 million.”

Ignore the Horrendous GDP Numbers

“Plus, markets don’t go up and down based upon domestic macro-trends anymore. If you’re looking at domestic GDP and wondering why AMZN is at $300 or how FLS can be so frigging expensive, look outside of your borderless country and realize there are Africans out there who desire one click shopping and sewer pipes.”

RUSH LIMBAUGH: AMAZON IS A LIBERAL PLOT!

“So I was in my car, flipping through the AM channels, as most people with intelligence quotients north of 125 do, and I heard Rush Limbaugh offering some rather unsavory financial advice. Naturally, “he went in” on the negative GDP numbers, declaring the economy to be in a tailspin, down more than 3% since September. But then he switched gears from incompetent financial analyst to bizarro–a personal favourite of mine.”

Not Impressed By Today’s Losses

“Nevertheless, I’d be lying to you if I claimed to be scared. Nothing scares me, not even all of my stocks going to zero in unison.”

ALERT: iBankCoin’s Dress Code Has Changed

MANDATORY READING FOR ALL CITIZENS

Facing New Realities

“Last quarter was dreadful and was reflected in the number of earnings short falls, as well as negative GDP. Look at the bright side: the markets are near new highs, even though the economy contracted last quarter. Should we grow by 1.5% this quarter, the market should rip higher, based upon some pretty decent quarter over quarter growth.”

In Search For a Certain Look

“I realize a great many of you chart-chomping imbeciles scour the market for a certain look. One of the preferred looks is a breakout, following a long consolidation. While you rifle through thousands of charts, by hand, Senor Tropicana presses a button and gets results.”

Hand Grenade Friday

“In 2013, I am all about wallboard and kitchen cabinetry. There are homes to be built and old ones to be renewed. When summer hits, hurricanes will splish and splash and knock your stupid homes down. Shortly thereafter, you will require some wallboard, in which case transferring your FEMA checks to yours truly–a shareholder of USG.”

Up Until April 15th

“However, the laws of mathematics are on my side, as I am destined, by right, to enjoy mountainous market gains. You don’t have to bet with me, just don’t bet against me. You’ll get your arms blown off–torso ripped to shreds, dinosaur style.”

3 Responses to “Best of “The Fly”: 1/26-2/1”

  1. I really enjoy this.

  2. Thank you good sirs.

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