Double Inverse ETFs Are Gay

Someone please tell me how our beloved DJIA can be down over 100 points and [[DXD]] isn’t up significantly in price? How can the S&P 500 be down 6 points and [[SDS]] is also down a buck thirty-six?

Have they changed the definition of “inverse”?

Something is rotten in Denmark, or some other Scandanavian country with fat viking chicks.

Has somebody addressed this? Am I missing something here?